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12 November 2006 @ 03:52 pm
Jeeves and the Billiard Lesson  
Hello my gorgeous f-list darlings! I come with a little J/W PWP, in honor of veronamay's birthday. I hope you all enjoy this harmless bit of fluff.

Title: Jeeves and the Billiard Lesson
Author: Sky Blue Reverie skyblue_reverie
Fandom: Jeeves and Wooster
Pairing: J/W
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: Approximately 2300
Summary: Another short PWP loosely set in my J/W-verse, written for veronamay's birthday. Pool table smut!
Author's Notes: Thanks ever so much to the wonderful rivers_bend and my beloved beta-goddess Essie for fast and helpful beta work! Dedicated to the lovely, talented, and infinitely gracious veronamay, who celebrates her birthday today. My dear, you stand alone! Many happy returns of the day to you, old thing.
Disclaimer: The characters and settings aren't mine, more's the pity.
Feedback: I live for feedback.

I never thought I'd have cause to be grateful to those twin excrescences Claude and Eustace. They're my cousins, yes, so of course one is obligated to clasp them to the bosom and feed them and give them tea and lodging and whatnot, but one sleeps decidedly more soundly when the blighters have shoved off at last. I'm not one for staying out until the wee small hours any longer, carousing with the lads or vying for the attentions of the fairer sex; I've settled down in my old age, and of course now that I've formed a permanent union with Jeeves - my man, you know - such things no longer interest me. Round about 2 ack emma, the bloom comes off the rose and Bertram is ready for a bit of the old shut-eye. Claude and Eustace, on the other hand, are just shifting into top gear at that hour. They've raised all-night revelry to an art form, and are rather dedicated to refining their technique. I'd been putting them up for a week straight and I was bally well exhausted.

My cousins had, some months previously, been shipped off by my Aunt Agatha to South America - or was it South Africa? One of those beastly hot and far-flung locales, anyway - but the cheeky devils had managed to scrape up the oof to leg it back to the mother country. So now they were hanging round my flat, not having worked up the gumption to let Aunt A. know they had foiled her plans. Of course, that didn't stop them from getting into even more hot water, and this was brought home to me when I returned from lunch at the Drones to find the flat vacant of any Wooster twins, and instead occupied by a regulation-sized billiard table in the middle of the front room.

"Jeeves," I called, and he materialised from somewhere-or-other. "Do you know what this is?"

"Yes, sir," he said calmly. "It is a billiard table."

"Dash it, Jeeves, I know it's a billiard table. But why is it a billiard table, Jeeves? Er, what I mean is, what is a billiard table doing here in our front room?"

"I believe, sir, that it was delivered at the behest of Mr Claude and Mr Eustace."

"I should have known those two blisters were behind it. But why, Jeeves, why?"

"I understand that it is part of some practical jest that they are perpetrating upon the members of a rival club."

"Well, that's all very well, Jeeves, but I can't even walk around my own flat now! The blasted thing takes up the entire room. I can't imagine why you let them bung it in here."

"You did, sir, impress upon me that we were to accept every inconvenience to ourselves in order to accommodate the young gentlemen, sir." He said this with a distinctly frosty air, and I saw all. Jeeves was rather pipped that I had taken in Claude and Eustace, since it meant that we had to suspend our, er, more intimate activities, and he had been forced to go back to catching his nightly forty winks in his own lair. As a result, he was feeling rather shirty. I was none too pleased myself, to confess the truth, but family is family and sacrifices must be made.

"Family is family, Jeeves; sacrifices must be made," I said. "You did the right thing in accepting delivery. As a matter of fact, I believe we should look on the bright side of the thing. Every whatsit has a silver thingummy, you know, Jeeves."

"Indeed, sir. And what might the proverbial silver lining be in this instance, sir?" Jeeves inquired.

"Well, now we can knock around a few balls in the privacy of our own home, of course," I said. "Don't you like billiards, Jeeves?"

"I couldn't say, sir; I have never played."

"Never played?! Well, Jeeves, you are about to begin. Where are the balls and cues?"

"I believe they are by the piano, sir."

I biffed over and fetched the b.'s and c.'s.; then I racked up the balls. I examined the cue sticks, running my hands admiringly up and down the smooth wood. I saw that Jeeves was watching my actions with a particularly glittering, focused gaze. Apparently he was gung-ho to learn this game, and I was happy to note his enthusiasm. I handed him one of the cues and claimed another for myself.

"Now, Jeeves, you start with the break," I said, and demonstrated, leaning over the table and sending the cue ball sailing off with a satisfying smack to scatter the rest of the balls. I was pleased to observe that Jeeves was watching my actions carefully, still with that intent gaze. "Of course, the objective is to sink the balls."

"Sink the balls, sir?" Jeeves asked.

"Well, yes, Jeeves. You want to get the chaps in the holes."

"Indeed, sir," Jeeves said with a faint smirk, though I couldn't see what there was to smirk about. It all seemed perfectly straightforward to me.

I ignored his expression and urged him forward. "You give it a try, Jeeves. Just use your cue to knock a ball into any pocket."

He bent forward over the table and held his cue at an awkward angle. I hastened forward.

"No, no, Jeeves, that won't do at all," I said. I bent over him, adjusting his grip on the cue. "You want it to slide easily, smoothly - don't hold it so tightly." After a moment, I stepped back, and watched him take his shot, which went wide of its intended mark. "Good show, old fellow - not bad at all for your first attempt."

I stepped forward and took my own shot, explaining which ball I was planning to sink into which pocket. We went a few turns like this, Jeeves asking me about the rules of the game, and quirking his lips minutely when I explained. His eyes still glinted and he watched me keenly when I demonstrated a particular technique, and I was heartened that he was getting into the spirit of the thing so fervently.

Finally, I had to take a rather tricky shot. I was leaning forward over the table, preparing to let loose the old cue, when suddenly I was grabbed from behind with great ferocity. In my startlement, my cue slipped, ripping the fabric of the table's surface. "Great Scott!" I exclaimed. "Jeeves! What on earth possessed you to do that?"

"I am sorry, sir," he said, and I would have pursued the matter further, only by that time, Jeeves had got my trousers unfastened and was busily shoving them down the old Wooster stilts. I may not be the brainiest cove in London, but even I could puzzle out what Jeeves was about at this point, and while I was momentarily surprised, I was not averse to his plans. Rather the opposite, in fact.

"Quite all right, Jeeves, carry on," I said. I let my cue stick drop to the table's surface and arranged myself in a more comfortable manner over the table. Not that the billiard table was as cosy as, say, our bed, but matters were proceeding apace and I didn't like to interrupt Jeeves to suggest a change of venue. Within a matter of moments, Jeeves had dropped his own trousers and had coated himself with a drop or two of that dashed handy slippery substance he always carries around with him, and was pushing into me with great vigour.

"Aaaaaaaahhhh - yes, Jeeves," I managed, and he unloosed a heartfelt groan. What with the enforced separation, both of us were rather eager and I could tell this wasn't going to last any great length of time. He reached around to give me a bit of a helping hand in concert with his other efforts. The Wooster digits scrabbled at the green baize while Jeeves worked his magic, and within a shortish interval Jeeves gave a final groan and released himself into me, and I let out a matching moan as I joined him in reaching the peak, doing so rather messily against the side of the table.

Jeeves draped himself over me for a bit, resting against my back, both of us leaning against the table, panting as if we had just run a footrace at a clip to beat out Hermes, if he's the chap I'm thinking of - the fellow with the little wings attached to his footwear. It's a good job a billiard table is a heavy, sturdy thing, given the rigors it was enduring. After allowing us a few moments to catch our breath, Jeeves pulled back, causing me to give a bit of a shudder. He grabbed me once more and spun me about, lifting me up to perch on the edge of the table while he moved forward and kissed the stuffing out of me. I happily wrapped the Wooster limbs around him while we shared a few tender moments. Eventually, though, he stepped back and, giving himself a bit of a wipe down with his handkerchief, reassembled his vestments. I was a bit messy at this point - coated in sweat and oil along with other, er, fluids - and Jeeves ran an appraising eye over me and my crumpled garments.

"Might I run you a bath, sir?" he asked.

"Jolly good idea," I said happily.

I lay back on the somewhat-worse-for-the-wear billiard table, dangling my legs and humming a sprightly tune, while Jeeves turned the taps and whatnot. Once the bath was ready, he whisked me into it and gave me a hand with the scrubbing - dashed handy to have such a capable and dedicated valet - and then he left me to splash about with my rubber ducky while he tidied up a bit.

By the time Jeeves got me out of the tub, rubbed down, and shoved into a fresh set of togs, I could hear the twins knocking about in the front room. I sallied forth with a spring in the step and a twinkle in the eye.

"Ah, Claude, Eustace," I said genially. "How are you two young gargoyles this fine afternoon?"

"Hallo, Bertie," said Eustace. "I hope you don't mind that we had this rather fine billiard table delivered here for safekeeping. Your man said it would be all right."

"Quite all right, quite all right," I said with equanimity.

"Here now, what have you done with the table?" asked Claude accusingly. At this, a bit of the Wooster blood rushed to the old dial, but upon a glance at the table, I noted that the thing had been shined and polished and no sign of Jeeves's and my recent activities remained.

"What on earth do you mean?" I asked innocently.

"There's a great rip in the baize which certainly wasn't there when we pinched the thing," he said.

"Oh, that," I said. "Well, er, you see…" I trailed off.

Jeeves chose that moment to manifest himself in the room, appearing in our midst like one of those swami fellows. "I'm afraid, Mr Claude, that Mr Wooster was lining up a shot when the telephone rang. He was naturally startled by the sudden noise, and his cue slipped, causing the tear."

I threw Jeeves a grateful glance and he quirked his mouth at me, while Claude and Eustace stared moodily at the marred surface of the table.

"Oh, well, nothing for it, I suppose," Claude said grudgingly. Then he brightened. "Look here, Bertie, we've been asked to join some chums for a jaunt to the continent, so we'll be shoving off."

"But, er, Bertie, old man," Eustace chimed in, "As it turns out, we haven't got the scratch to get this table shifted out of here. We had no idea it was so bally expensive to hire movers - we barely managed to pay the fellows who bunged it in here in the first place. So, er, you won't mind if it stays here for a bit, will you? We're off to the tables at Monte Carlo, and we're bound to make enough of the folding stuff to get it carted away."

Jeeves and I shared a glance, and I divined that our thoughts were running along the same lines. We both had fond memories of that table, and neither of us would be opposed to making a few more of those f. m.'s.

"No trouble at all, old things," I said expansively. "Jeeves, why don't you help these two fine fellows pack their things? I wouldn't want to hold them up while Monte Carlo beckons."

"Very good, sir," Jeeves said immediately, floating off to do so.

"Jolly decent of you," Eustace said.

"Not at all, my dear fellow, not at all. Always glad to help family."

Within an hour, Jeeves had got the blasted twins packed up and decanted into a taxi, speeding off for the bright lights of Monte Carlo. As soon as he got back and closed the door behind him, Jeeves steered me toward the bedroom. I threw a hopeful glance at the billiard table, but Jeeves murmured "Later, sir," and I cheerfully assented. Jeeves always knows best, after all.


Want more? Christmas fluff this way!

How do I feel?: contentcontent
jadedgothchildjadedgothchild on November 13th, 2006 12:10 am (UTC)
*purrs* ooh that's lovely. The whole thing is very... well, fun with words. If that makes sense at all. Lovely my dear, just lovely.
Sky: [j&w] jw ampersandskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 12:41 am (UTC)
Aww, thank you, my dear! Fun with words makes total sense and is a very nice compliment indeed! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. *pets you*
Fluffy: Jeeves tucks in Bertieflufshepherd on November 13th, 2006 12:39 am (UTC)
Mmm... So, I see you did get some writing done this weekend, after all. Go you!

Your stuff is always so fantastic and this is no exception. This was fun and hot and wonderful, and now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to re-read it.
Sky: [j&w] shoelacesskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 12:57 am (UTC)
Yes, I did a bit of writing! Just... not on either of the two stories I was planning to work on. *facepalm* Well, there's still a few hours left in the weekend, right? How about you? How's your writing coming along?

Aww, thank you so much. You are lovely to me. I will certainly excuse you, and I'm very flattered that you are re-reading! :)
(no subject) - flufshepherd on November 13th, 2006 01:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 02:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - flufshepherd on November 13th, 2006 02:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 02:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - flufshepherd on November 13th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 03:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - flufshepherd on November 13th, 2006 04:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 04:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chocolate_frapp on February 14th, 2008 04:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
amaya_kumiko on November 13th, 2006 12:42 am (UTC)
I really likes tis one, especially the fact that Bertie believed learning billards was why jeeves was fixated on him. :D " to the pure all things are pure" I suppose. Good job.
Sky: [j&w] bertie smile animatedskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 01:04 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! Bertie is adorably innocent, isn't he?

to the pure all things are pure

Oooh, I like that! It's very true, and certainly very appropriate to darling Bertie!

Thanks so much for reading and commenting, old thing. :)
I love your icon as well. :D - amaya_kumiko on November 13th, 2006 05:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I love your icon as well. :D - skyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
silsbee329 on November 13th, 2006 01:16 am (UTC)
as if we had just run a footrace at a clip to beat out Hermes, if he's the chap I'm thinking of - the fellow with the little wings attached to his footwear.

Hee! Oh, you are so good at giving voice to Bertie. This was very fun. ;)
Sky: [j&w] jeeves is loveskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 02:05 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you so much, my dear! Much of the credit for that particular line goes to my beta-goddess Essie, who had the "Hermes" idea. I'm glad you liked it. :)
Someone, somewhere: Jeeveskrzcowzgomoo on November 13th, 2006 01:47 am (UTC)
...I'll never be able to play billiards quite the same way again... and that's a wonderful thing! xD
Sky: [j&w] smex jeevesskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 02:06 am (UTC)
Haha! I'm very glad I could corrupt the game of billiards for you. :D Thanks so much, old bean.
ennui_blue_lite: msliz4857 HL teadyennui_blue_lite on November 13th, 2006 03:02 am (UTC)
Oh! You posted it!
I love this, hon! As always, you manage to astound me with your command of Bertie's voice - this whole story is, plain and simply, pure Bertie. I think, in a lot of ways, your Bertie and Jeeves are more Bertie and Jeeves than Wodehouse's Bertie and Jeeves... um... if that makes any sense.

The double entandres are soooo perfect - Bertie turning Jeeves on without even realizing that he's doing so :D "You want to get the chaps in the holes," cracks me up!

And, OMG, so HOT! The complete animalistic urgency of the sex is just... (melts). I love the idea of Jeeves getting more and more keyed up, forced away from his Bertie, until finally, he sees Bertie bent over the table and just... pounces. Sooooo much love! What I wouldn't give to be that pool table.

The thing about Hermes ("the fellow with the little wings attached to his footwear") is new, I believe, and a great line.

Also love: Bertie's embarassment over the posibility that...evidence... may have been left on the table, Jeeves going in for round 2 after the twins are gone (go Jeeves!), and the fact that the table itself remains in the flat. Yes, I'm sure that table will get plenty of use in the future. :D

Sky: [j&w] tie heartsskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 03:43 am (UTC)
Oh, my darling, thank you so much for such kind words. You are far too sweet to me, and I love you for it.


I think, in a lot of ways, your Bertie and Jeeves are more Bertie and Jeeves than Wodehouse's Bertie and Jeeves.

*wibble, faint, thud* OMG. How do I even respond to a compliment of that magnitude? Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying so, however undeserved those words may be.

Hehe, I had fun with the double entendres. I love the idea that Bertie is too innocent to realize what he's doing to Jeeves, and poor Jeeves of course is getting more and more wound up, until he finally snaps.

Oooh, glad you liked the sex. "Animalistic urgency" is a good way to put it! Haha! - you want to be the pool table? I think, personally, I'd rather be Bertie in that particular scenario. But then, that's my mary-sue stalker self coming out again. ;)

Yes, good eye on the Hermes thing! That was an idea from my lovely beta Essie.

Hee, embarrassed!Bertie is love, and horny!round2!Jeeves is even more love. I'm glad you liked those bits. And yes, that table will certainly be seeing more action! Strip snooker, anyone? *g*

Thanks again for such a lovely, generous, in-depth comment, my love. *hugs*
(no subject) - ennui_blue_lite on November 13th, 2006 03:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 04:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
Zekkass: Use ze Forcezekkass on November 13th, 2006 03:24 am (UTC)
You know just how to twang the old heartstrings, you know. This has just cured a bad mood, and I'm off to have a reread. ;)
Sky: [j&w] indeed sirskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 03:45 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm so sorry that you were in a bad mood, but I'm very glad I could help lift your spirits! Enjoy the re-read, and thank you so much for your kind words. :)
Catcarpecarpem on November 13th, 2006 03:27 am (UTC)
Lovely Jeevesy smut, as always. Although it would be lovely to have this from Jeeves' perspective as well. Not that I'm presuming to ask for it, by any means. I am perfectly content to bask in whatever fics your delightfully slashy brain decides to gift us with. :D
Sky: [j&w] bertie smokingskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 03:57 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much, m'dear! A Jeeves POV, huh? I hadn't thought about it, but maybe... we'll have to see what the muses do next. For some reason, the Bertie-muse has been more active than the Jeeves-muse lately, but I am certainly open to all possibilities.

Thanks once again for your kind words, old thing. :)
Fenrissfenriss on November 13th, 2006 04:41 am (UTC)
Ooooh, yay! Never has a description of a billiards game sounded so delightfully suggestive. It's very cute how Jeeves is amused and Bertie doesn't quite seem to get what's so funny :)

This made me giggle:

I was none too pleased myself, to confess the truth, but family is family and sacrifices must be made.

"Family is family, Jeeves; sacrifices must be made," I said. "You did the right thing in accepting delivery. As a matter of fact, I believe we should look on the bright side of the thing. Every whatsit has a silver thingummy, you know, Jeeves."

Hee! Perfectly Wodehousian, right there. I think your Bertie voice gets better and better all the time.

And the sex, though brief, is serious hotness. A rough, steamy quickie over the billiard table. Damn! *applies cold compress to forehead* I often wish more writers would acknowledge how often that sort of thing is a part of real romantic relationships. Not every encounter has to be epic poetry. Sometimes you're just in a hurry.

Brava, my darling!

Also, email v. soon. Hopefully tomorrow. *smooch*

Sky: [j&w] let's have sexskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 04:58 am (UTC)
Yay! So glad you enjoyed it. I do so love oblivious!Bertie. And, of course, so does Jeeves. :)

Aww, thanks so much for picking out that line! I was rather proud of that bit myself, and I'm thrilled that you liked it. :)

Hee! Thanks for saying such kind things about the smut. I was kind of thinking that for a PWP, the porn really didn't make up much of the story! *g* Ah well. As you say, it's definitely true that quickies (especially rough quickies, rowr) are just as much part of a long-term relationship as the tender epic poetry type of encounter. Variety is the spice of life! :D

Once again, thanks so much for such gorgeous commentude. I'll look forward to the email as soon as you can get to it, but don't hurry on my account. I'll be thrilled to hear from you, as always. *smooch back*
(no subject) - fenriss on November 13th, 2006 06:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 08:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
She who adores SFAHL: [J&W] FancyASnog.pngmsliz4857 on November 13th, 2006 06:40 am (UTC)
Oh, my dear, this is wonderful! A great way to conclude my weekend. :)

I, too, adore how innocent!Bertie keeps saying things that turn up the heat for Jeeves without knowing. Although I think that Jeeves probably didn't need a whole lot of prompting...a very lusty manservant is our Jeeves!

I sallied forth with a spring in the step and a twinkle in the eye.
Hee! Sex-happy!Bertie is total love.

Yay for you, m'dear! :)
Sky: [j&w] smex jeevesskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 07:00 am (UTC)
Aww, thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed, and I could help beat the Sunday-evening blahs.

Innocent!Bertie accidentally teasing Jeeves is adorable, but you're right - Jeeves didn't need much provocation. You know, I think that Jeeves is more sex-driven than Bertie is - Bertie would enjoy the sex, sure, but I think Jeeves needs it more than Bertie does, and would initiate it more often than vice versa. Of course, Bertie gets all cranky and out-of-sorts without his usual dose of hot Jeeves-smex, but the poor darling doesn't quite realize it. So yes, once they've finally relieved the tension, darling Bertie is back to his usual effervescent self. Sex-happy!Bertie, yay! :D

Thanks again for your kind words, m'dear.
Vviciouscats on November 13th, 2006 07:08 am (UTC)
Wow, wonderfully porny! Such a rare gem in this fandom. Thank you very much!
Sky: [j&w] let's have sexskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 07:17 am (UTC)
Aw, you're welcome, and thank you for your lovely comment! Heh, y'know, porny as it is, I think this is actually the mildest, least explicit J/W fic I've written. *g*

Oooh, and I love your icon! Gorgeous.
Pimpmaster Zero: j & w - smack fairyveronamay on November 13th, 2006 08:51 am (UTC)
Oh my. *fans self* I'm jolly well overcome with enthusiasm of the warmer sort, old thing. This is bally incredible - touches one in all the right places, if you follow my meaning - and really, I haven't a clue as to how to get the old optic organs untangled from their current juxtapositions, but I certainly shan't be lodging any complaints with the stewards!

Sky: [j&w] bath & spongeskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 04:16 pm (UTC)
Eeeeeee! There's the Bertie voice I've been missing so much! Ah, you are my J/W heroine, you know. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this, and I hope you had a very happy birthday, m'dear.

Curried Goat in a paper cupderien on November 13th, 2006 11:59 am (UTC)
<3<3<3 !!! You do a marvelous job with Bertie voice! :)

Also, your mood icon = best 'content' ever. :)
Sky: [j&w] bathtimeskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 04:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, my dear! The Bertie voice is always a work-in-progress, so I'm thrilled that it is to your liking. :)

Bertie in the bath is just twenty kinds of adorable, isn't he? The dimples! The ducky! *le sigh*
Zane: Psmithsmokingthings on November 13th, 2006 04:08 pm (UTC)
Lovely, as always. Just what I needed this morning.
Sky: [j&w] jw ampersandskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 04:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, old thing! Happy I could provide a morning pick-you-up. :)
Nonesanenonesane on November 13th, 2006 07:13 pm (UTC)
Exactly what I needed right now! Sweet, sweet smut, narrated by an excellent Bertie-voice. Now tomorrow's test seems less of a hardship. *happy sigh*
Sky: [j&w] can you resistskyblue_reverie on November 13th, 2006 08:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and especially thrilled to hear that the Bertie voice worked. :) Sorry to hear about the test - good luck with that!