Sky (skyblue_reverie) wrote,

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Trek Fic: Is What We Chiefly Need (TTOMT Part 51, Pike/McCoy, NC-17)

Title: Is What We Chiefly Need (Part 51 of To Talk of Many Things)
Author: [personal profile] mga1999 and [personal profile] skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Pike/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Word Count: Around 4000
Summary: The continuing correspondence of... yeah, you know the drill.
A/N: From [personal profile] skyblue_reverie (the pervy one) and [personal profile] mga1999 (the evol one): Next chapter, the 300k word mark. There MIGHT be something special for it if you guys are especially nice. :p

Click on the gorgeous banner by the awesome [personal profile] fanarts_series for series masterlist with links to all prior parts:

Personal Journal of Leonard H. McCoy
Wednesday 2260.352

I'm on the transport shuttle to Outpost 1113, and from there I'll catch another shuttle to the Exeter. Back in my former life in Georgia, I'd never have thought that one day I'd be able to sit calmly - well, relatively calmly - on a shuttle, typing a journal entry instead of clutching the armrests and drinking myself into oblivion.

But then, back in Georgia I never would have imagined any of this - a Starfleet career, a friend closer than any I've ever had, and, strangest of all, being married to Christopher goddamn Pike, of all people. Life's downright strange.

So now I'm going from serving with Jim to serving under Chris. I'm not sure how to feel about that. The transfer orders caught me by surprise, that's for damn sure. As soon as I got the comm, I stormed onto the bridge, ranting and raving at Jim for keeping something like this from me, but I could immediately tell that he was just as shocked as I was. Kid's a helluvan actor, but he's not that good. At least not when it comes to hiding things from me.

The Enterprise was out of vidcomm range of the Exeter, or we would've gotten Chris on the line to see if he had something to do with this. As it is, though, I'll have to wait until I see him in person to ask him. Course at that point I'll probably have other things on my mind.

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, I really am, even though it goes against my nature. If he is behind the transfer, I'm sure he had a damn good reason. Beyond just losing his own CMO, I mean.

Damn, I feel for Philip. I hope like hell that Txanton will make it. Right now, we've all just got to wait and see if his body can overcome the massive trauma it suffered. There’s nothing more the medical team can do right now other than make him comfortable. I've been in that position and it's godawful. Must be even worse for Philip, watching his son struggling for life and not being able to do anything to help, despite all his training and years of experience.

Allen was hurt in the explosion too, although not as badly, according to Chris. Still, I can only imagine that that's causing all sorts of conflicted feelings for Philip - they're still married, officially, and I'm sure there are still feelings there. A 33-year relationship doesn't just evaporate overnight.

The whole thing - the attack, I mean - is tragic. Beyond that, though, it's worrying, politically. With tensions high with the Romulans, we can't afford to be splitting our forces right now. It'll just weaken the Federation, and humanity, further. Don't those Terra Prime idiots see that? Hell, I'm sympathetic to some of their positions, but I'd never condone terrorist attacks as a way to make a point.

The other worry on my mind, of course, is Jim. Who’s going to take care of him, make sure he gets enough sleep and enough to eat? Who's going to talk to him so he can blow off steam and just be himself? Spock? Ha, that's a laugh.

Christine will try her best, because she knows damn well I'll follow through on every single threat I made if she doesn't, but it's not the same. And M'Benga's good, but... well, I've always subscribed to the school of thought that says "if you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself." About the only other doctor I'd trust in my stead is Philip, and for obvious reasons that's not an option.

My transfer also means that Nyota's plans to get pregnant are on hold for now - M'Benga doesn't have the expertise in genetics it would take to ensure a successful pregnancy. He could learn, if he needs to, but Nyota would rather have me do it, so she told me she was going to wait, at least until we know how long the reassignment is going to last. I'll bet that burned Spock's biscuits, when he heard that Nyota is willing to wait for me to have a baby, but she wasn't willing to wait for him. Wish I could’ve seen his face when he learned that tidbit.

Despite all I'm leaving behind on the Enterprise, it'll be good to see Chris, spend time with him. Real good. I know it won't be like shore leave - we'll both have duties - but even being able to see him every day, see with my own eyes that he's all right... that alone makes it worth it.

I wonder if we'll be sharing quarters? Officially, I'm sure I'll be assigned my own quarters as CMO, maybe even Philip's quarters, but unofficially - seeing Chris will be good, but it would be even better to be able to hold him every night.

Well that shuttle's about to dock so I'd better end this for now. Next time I write, it'll be on the Exeter.

To: James Kirk (
From: Leonard McCoy (
Date sent: Wednesday 2260.352

Dear Jim,

I'm on outpost 1113, waiting for my transport flight to the Exeter, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to remind you that you're under direct doctor's orders not to do anything goddamn stupid.

And lest you think I won't know if you disregard these orders, let me warn you that I have an entire network of spies on the Enterprise, ready and waiting to report to me as soon as you do.

Don't think I can't find a way to make you suffer from across the quadrant, either. My reach is long, Jim Kirk, so you'd better be on your best behavior.



To: Leonard McCoy (
From: James Kirk (
Date sent: Wednesday 2260.252

Dear Bones,

Shouldn’t you be sleeping or resting up for all the sex you’ll be having with your husband?

As far as your spies, if you think I don’t know exactly who they are and haven’t already bought them off with extra shower water rations and shore leave credits then you don’t know me as well as you think.

I have spies too. And even the mighty Christopher Pike doesn’t know who they are. So I’ll be watching your every move too. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Your Jackass,


P.S. I miss you too, asshole.

Personal Journal of Christopher R. McCoy Pike
Friday 2260.254

In less than forty eight four hours, my husband will be on the Exeter. When I got the orders, I nearly dropped my PADD on the bridge. I knew we would be getting a replacement for Philip. We don’t have any doctors on the Exeter remotely qualified to act even as an interim CMO. I figured they’d send someone from Earth; I never expected Len. He had told me how decimated the medical ranks were after the Narada – I guess I didn’t realize how much.

I wrote Richard about the orders, but I haven’t heard from him yet. I’m sure he has his hands full with the bombing. I doubt he would pull strings to do this anyway. If anything, I suspect sending Len here – Well, I wouldn’t put it past one of the Admirals that has it in for Jim to have arranged it. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it’s not like I’m not glad that I’m going to have Len on board the Exeter, I just – I guess I feel guilty. All my acting like a spoiled child recently, hoping Jim would lose his ship, hoping Len would be here, and now he will be. Even if it’s only temporary. And God help me for hoping maybe it will be permanent.

Not that I want to take Philip’s job away from him. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that part of me hopes he stays on Earth. I haven’t heard from him and I don’t know if that means it’s good news or bad. While I know we didn’t repair our friendship before we left, I refuse to believe that he’s angry enough at me that he’d keep news about my godson and Allen from me.

Mostly right now, I’m feeling like everyone has been right but me. That’s not something that is easy to swallow. Heck, even my mother scolded me in a comm today about my ‘jealous sulks’ I apparently have about Jim at times. She’s a smart woman, she read between the lines of my recent comms. Or more like what I didn’t say. She wanted to know why she had to hear about all of Jim’s trouble from Len instead of me. At least that answers how she got involved in the first place.

Dr. Rossen had a lot to say in her comm too. I know I’m supposed to feel better when she reassures me that I’m making progress and even Len said he was proud of me. I know that should make me feel better, but the fact of the matter is that I still feel completely out of control regarding certain matters. Dr. Rossen has always told me that I don’t like to give up control – I was never delusional enough to think I’ve ever really had control over everything, but I’ve led a pretty charmed life. I’m good at what I do. Damn good. And I handled every aspect of my life keeping up that façade of invincibility.

I’m supposed to feel better – Feel relief at the comm Len sent me. And I’ll admit that when I got it, I was afraid to open it to see what it said. I thought for sure – Well, once again Len shows how much better a man that he is than me. He gave me exactly what I needed and initially I felt better. Now I just feel like an idiot. About how I once again let my emotions get the best of me. He says that love makes him stronger – I still say it makes me weaker. That’s not a good feeling.

As much as I want him here – Want him with me – I’m afraid that having him here will make it worse. Here I’ve been hoping – wishing for him to be here and now it’s actually happening and I’m worried not only how it will affect me and my command, but our relationship as well. I’m trying not to think about the utter disaster of the time we spent together on the Enterprise. And I know that was different because Jim was there – But still – This will certainly be a test of not only our personal relationship, but most importantly, our working relationship. I know I’m not an easy man to serve under and I know Len has the same reputation. I want this to work so badly. I want Len to see that not only can we make our relationship work on a ship, but that professionally we can too. I feel like if I can just make him see that – Well, maybe his stay can be permanent.

But I know I can’t change who I am. I know I can’t treat him any different than I would anyone else. Philip and I took a long time to earn our working relationship. What happens when you’re trying to not only figure out your personal relationship – A new marriage – And a professional one for the first time?

I’m starting to think there is someone at headquarters that has it in for all of us with this move. But that’s just me being paranoid again I’m sure. We’ll get through it. I just hope I still have a husband left when it’s over.

To: Christopher Pike (
From: Philip Boyce (
Date Sent: Monday 2260.357

Dear Chris,

Merry Christmas since it’s only two days away here. Although I can’t quite bring myself to partake in any merriment at the moment. I’m sitting at Chris’s bedside right now. Matthew and Nathan just left to go and grab Kianna who’s been curled up in bed with Allen most of the day. They are going to take her to dinner and then back to the house for the night. I guess they are all holding up as well as can be expected. I’m a little worried about Kianna. She’s been very quiet. Not herself at all. Which, given the situation, I can understand. But something else is wrong and I’m not quite sure whether I should push right now or just let her be. She’s always been such a challenge, that girl, so different than her siblings. Yes, I know most of it is because she’s a girl, but Allen’s nieces were always so vastly different from her too.

I suppose I should stop rambling now and update you. Allen will be fine. He was lucky. He had a concussion, punctured lung, broken clavicle, and his knee was crushed by falling debris. His knee will need more surgery and reconstruction but he’ll be back on his feet in a couple of weeks. They will probably release him next week after the final surgery on his knee. When I arrived I had the pleasure of meeting his new lover, William, who was sitting at his bedside. Despite the surprise of seeing him there holding Allen’s hand, it really didn’t bother me at much as I’d expect. He seems nice. He was gracious and respectful and after introductions left to give Allen and I some privacy so it wasn’t awkward at all. He’s tall dark and in his mid-sixties I would gather. Widowed. He’s Jamaican and still has the thick accent from that region.

I don’t know if you’ve been updated on Chris since I left, so I’ll give you the condensed version. This is hard. I’m going to attach his medical report and give Len access since I know he’s currently on his way to the Exeter and he can better explain it. The bottom line is his lower body was crushed and it’s doubtful he’ll ever be able to walk again. He had so many internal injuries, it’s a miracle he survived at all. The beam that crushed him ironically saved him from bleeding out from the initial explosion and shrapnel he was hit with before he could be rescued. Of course once he was, it was a race to keep that from happening. They lost him four times, God, four times they brought my boy back. It’s a credit to the trauma team that worked on him that he’s alive at all. But he had so many other injuries, skull fracture, brain swelling…

I’m sorry, I had to stop for a moment and gather myself. I think I need to let Len explain the rest to you. He’s on total life support so right now it’s just a waiting game to see if his body can heal from the trauma and blood loss. Recovery will be long, that is if he wakes up at all. There have been a couple close calls since I’ve arrived. More surgeries. I’m trying to remain positive, you know that’s my nature, but God, I can’t even begin to explain how helpless I feel. All the technology, all the breakthroughs in medicine we have and it still comes down to how much trauma the body can take and recover from. I know my boy is strong willed and I thank God for that right now, because I’m sure that is the only reason he’s alive at all.

I’ve been working some. Consulting mostly. Mentally I’m just not up to surgery even though they have their hands full with so many injured. So at least I can offer advice and experience since there are so many green doctors around. You wouldn’t believe how young some of them are. I worked with a second year intern earlier today who is fifteen. Jesus that’s young. He’s good, but sometimes I think these kids are pushed too fast. Kids need to be kids. That’s what Allen and I always agreed when they wanted to advance ours. There is nothing wrong with letting kids mature at a normal and healthy pace. Remember that when you and Len have kids. It was certainly the best advice my father ever gave me.

Speaking of Len, I never got to talk to you before I left. He had sent me a comm basically telling me to overlook the fact that you were being an asshole. He was worried about you and I’m sorry, Chris. It seems so petty now with what’s going on. And as longtime Starfleet men, we should know better. Either one of us could be gone in a blink of an eye as we both know too well. I for one am sorry for the things I said and I know you are too. I know and realize now that the breakup of my marriage so close to your own impending nuptials has probably scared you to death. I’m sorry for that. Really, Chris. And we should have talked more, but talking about things has never been either of our strong points. We are alike in that way, which is one reason why our relationship so many years ago never went beyond sex.

Maybe I’m being selfish in giving up my marriage, but I love space just as much as you do. Not that I don’t love my kids, you know that I do. And it’s not even about not loving Allen anymore, because I do and always will. But I’m not in love with him anymore and haven’t been for a long time, Chris. I spent more time on Earth the last twenty five years than I would have because of my family and I don’t regret that. And if Allen had wanted more kids, I probably would have been content with that, but he didn’t and I’m not one to quietly retire like he wants. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I don’t see my marriage as a failure. How could it be? It just ran its course. I’ve made peace with that and I’m sorry, truly sorry, Chris, that it’s affected you so much. I explained a lot of this to Len, when I should have explained it to you. I just feel a lot of the time that you don’t want to listen.

I don’t want you to feel caught in between any of this. I would never expect you to pick sides or change anything. We’ve told everyone there are no sides. Allen will still be at family functions. He will always be my family and I will always be his. We agreed when we started talking of separating a couple of years ago, and yes Chris, it’s been in the works that long, that we weren’t going to let anything interfere with friendships and family and that anyone new in either one of our lives would have to deal with that. No, it’s not that simple and we both know that, but we’re also both committed to making sure it happens.

I’m still here if you need to talk and I’m sorry if I haven’t been as good of a friend as maybe I should have been. But you have always been such a closed off person, Chris. You aren’t exactly one to talk about emotions and life and anything not related to Starfleet. You’ve changed since you started seeing Len. I’m sure it’s a combination of that and what happened on the Narada. I should have been paying more attention, but I had my own issues I was going through. I’m here though, don’t doubt that and since I’ll have a lot of time on my hands sitting here with Chris, I’m happy to listen.

I love you, my friend. I’ll keep you apprised of Chris’s condition. Right now all we can do is pray.


To: Christopher Pike (
From: Richard Barnett (
Date Sent: Tuesday 2260.358

Dear Chris,

I’m still looking into the matter we vidcommed about last night before you left the Starbase. I think you’re right, but I can’t talk about it until we can vidcomm again on a private channel. You probably will get this about the time you get new orders. You’re being recalled to patrol New Vulcan as SFI is picking up chatter that something is about to go down in that sector imminently.

By the way, your mother arrived in the city last night with your father in tow to visit Philip and Allen and friends of your father’s who were injured too. I think a few Admirals have suddenly taken leave upon hearing of her arrival. It’s going to be an interesting few weeks.

Comm me when you’re within range again and we’ll talk.


Personal Journal of Christopher R. McCoy Pike
Wednesday 2260.359

It’s Christmas night here on the Exeter and I am sitting at my desk watching my husband. It seems unreal to type that, unreal that he’s really here. Certainly not anything that I expected. He arrived yesterday cranky as hell from a long transport flight. It would have been longer if the Exeter hadn’t been on it’s way to New Vulcan. But he’s here, safe and sound and sleeping after I sucked him dry after a long shift getting acclimated to our medical bay and his new staff.

Of course I took care of that crankiness shortly after he beamed aboard. My senior crew greeted him in the transporter room and then Sato was kind enough to offer to take the conn if I wanted to show him to my quarters and help him settle in. She didn’t have to ask twice. I had him settled face down on our bed with my cock up his ass ten minutes later. Fuck, I missed him. Sometimes I don’t realize just how much until he’s here.

Unfortunately we both had duties to attend to after and I walked him to Medical and went back to work. I had dinner brought to my quarters after shift although we didn’t actually eat it until much later. The minute I walked in he shoved me against the wall and was on his knees sucking my dick until I came down his throat. He then turned me around and fucked me. Right there slamming me into the wall with every thrust. It was so fucking hot. Somehow we crawled into my bathroom after and soaked in the tub for a couple hours. We kissed and reconnected, not really talking much, both just needing to be with each other. Taking will come later. Right now we just need to be with each other.

After our bath, I took him to bed and made love to him properly. Taking my time, kissing every square inch of him, making him come twice before I emptied myself inside him. Being with him, waking up with him this morning was certainly the best Christmas present I could have possibly had. With everything going on, with the worry about Chris fighting for his life so far away, I needed him -- Needed my husband. Needing someone like that is still both a wonderful and terrifying feeling.

Today was spent on duty and with our crew. We had food out all day everywhere. Even on the bridge. Sometimes you just have to make an exception to the rules and with everyone on edge, we certainly needed a bit of holiday spirit. Len and I had little time for each other but we’re both off duty tomorrow and will make the most of it. I don’t plan of letting him out of our bed.

On to the next part

This entry was originally posted at Please feel free to comment here or there.
Tags: fic: trek, pairing: pike/mccoy, series: ttomt
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