Sky (skyblue_reverie) wrote,

Trek Fic: Holding His Pocket-Handkerchief (Pike/McCoy, R)

Title: Holding His Pocket-Handkerchief (Part 39 of To Talk of Many Things)
Authors: [personal profile] mga1999 and [personal profile] skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Pike/McCoy
Rating: R
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Word Count: Around 3200
Summary: The correspondence and personal journals of Christopher Pike and Leonard McCoy.
A/N: From [personal profile] mga1999 and [personal profile] skyblue_reverie: Um, we are braindead but at least we have mostly recovered from theplagueTM (a.k.a. that stupid summer cold/flu thing that's been going around).

Click on the gorgeous banner by the awesome [personal profile] fanarts_series for series masterlist with links to all prior parts:

To: Christopher Pike (
From: Leonard McCoy (
Date Sent: Tuesday 2260.240

Hey darlin',

Just wanted to make sure everything's all right. I guess the downside of having you write to me every day is that if you miss a day or two I get paranoid that something's happened. I'm sure you just got busy, but when you have a minute, just drop me a line or two so I know you're okay. I know you're alive and that everything's relatively normal, at least, because my ring's been swirling through the usual colors. I'm glad I've got that. Without it, I'd be even more of a nervous wreck.

Everything's fine here. Jim's cold is racing through the entire crew now, and while I tease him about how that might have happened, the truth is that it's because he makes the rounds nearly every day, checks in with every department, spends time chatting with everyone from the goons in security to the brainiacs in stellar cartography. And naturally he has to touch everyone, a clap on the shoulder or a handshake for a job well done. Of course, they love him for it, even when they all end up catching every damn germ he carries. Then in return, they give him every damn germ every single one of them is carrying, and he spreads it around. He's the Typhoid Mary of Starfleet.

We encountered a Klingon ship in the neutral zone yesterday. It was tense, but nothing happened. They stayed on their side, we stayed on ours, and then we each went our separate ways. Still, it was kind of strange to actually see someone else out here, after so many weeks.

By the way, I picked a name for the filly. Nora. Short for Eleanora, my mama's name. I know it seems like a strange tribute to name a horse after my deceased mama, but she loved all animals, and horses especially. I know she'd appreciate it.

I better go now. Got to hand out more decongestants to the snot-dripping crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise. It's a glamorous life I lead, let me tell you.

I love you. Write back soon, all right?


Personal Journal of Christopher R. Pike

Wednesday 2260.241

Well, I was certainly relieved to get Len's comm from Sunday and find out he's not upset with me. I've been worried, that by admitting my jealousy issues weren't going to disappear -- Well, I suppose my worst fear is that he'll get fed up and leave me. Mostly, I just hate disappointing him. I know I have, and frankly I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to be honest with him, but maybe I shouldn't have been so forthright. I don't know.

I'm struggling right now. I've caught a cold that was going around and couple that with the fact that I'm not sleeping enough, well, Philip restricted me from duty the last couple of days. My blood pressure has been up, and my immune system can't even fight off the cold. Philip has me staying in my quarters, afraid I'll catch something worse, which wouldn't be good right now. Honestly, that hasn't helped. He finally agreed to let me have my trainees in quarters as long as I stay at my desk with an air sanitizer running.

Fuck, I'm frustrated. I really wanted to be in peak shape when I see Len next month and this is really going to set me back. I can hear him grousing at me that it doesn't matter, but it matters to me. And feeling like this right now is making the jealousy flare up more than usual. I've been irrational to the point that I haven't even written Len in almost a week. And I really don't have a good excuse other than the fact that my ego was bruised by Jim's comm and the fact that no matter what, Len and Jim are always perfectly fine and seem to be able to work through anything and come out better for it. Yet, Len and I are struggling over the same damn issues. Fuck.

I don't know. I'm sure I'm making more out of it than it is. I know if I could actually talk to Len right now -- I'm sure all the doubts I'm having wouldn't be as bad. I feel ridiculous for feeling like this. Dr. Rossen wrote me back a couple of days ago - We've been discussing how I've been feeling. Well, she told me it sounds like insecurity. Reading that word -- Fuck. First, I'd never been jealous before and look what happened. Now, apparently I've moved on to becoming insecure and doesn't that just make me fucking pathetic at my age.

Well, writing certainly isn't helping this time. I feel worse now. I'm going to just bite the bullet and write Len, like I should have been this entire time. Fuck, I'm stupid sometimes.

To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (
Date Sent: Wednesday 2260.241

Dear Len,

I'm sorry that it's been awhile since I've written. Been a little under the weather and I needed some time to digest the comm that Jim sent me. Now before you march up to Jim and start one of your tirades, he didn't say anything he shouldn't have. In fact, everything he said was true. It's my problem, and while it's given me more insight into Jim, frankly -- Well, it's also made me look at myself and like last time I did that, I really didn't like what I saw.

I'll work it out though, so don't worry. I'm okay. The cold I caught hasn't helped. It's been going around the bridge crew and since I'm still a bit immuno-suppressed it was only a matter of time until I got it, no matter what precautions I took.

Philip is taking good care of me. Actually, he's driving me crazy checking up on me. He took me off shift for a couple of days and forbade me from entering the gym. Literally used his medical override to lock me out. Bastard. I just wanted to swim, but he won't relent. Truthfully, I'm confined to quarters although he did finally agree to allow me to have my students in as long as I stay at my desk. Seriously, Len, are you giving him lessons on intimidation? Because he's doing a damn good job. He and Rickie are also conspiring. I can't win.

I may need to switch off Gamma shift. I am just not able to sleep well enough and Philip wasn't happy with my blood pressure or other test results. I'm sure he's sent them to you, and I swear, other than my workouts, I've been doing everything I should. I'm frustrated again, Len. More than I can say.

I really liked the time at night I could spend with my students. It was quiet and we could do a lot more. I can't exactly take the senior crew off the bridge during the day. Well, I'm Captain, of course I could, but it's just not right. That's one reason why I wanted to work Gamma -- to give them the opportunity to spend extra time on the bridge at various stations. I'm going to try to hold out as long as I can. If you have any suggestions, I'm open to hearing them.

I decided to let the Exeter crew vote on shore leave. It wasn't entirely fair for me to arbitrarily pick Risa since that's what we want. In the end, it worked out as Risa won seventy four percent of the vote. So Risa it is. As soon as I get the exact dates, I'll secure us a house on a private beach away from it all.

Mom said everything for the engagement party is set. I'm warning you, she told me she sent out over five hundred invites and expects three hundred to accept. I reminded her that we were only going along with this big a party in exchange for a much smaller wedding. She evaded answering that nicely. I think we're screwed, Len. Maybe you should write her. She might listen to you.

Otherwise, the possible planet formations turned out to be nothing habitable. Just a bunch of dead rocks and gas giants. We're almost done with this sector and then we're moving on to the next. I hope we find something soon as the crew is getting more and more stir-crazy, myself included. The only thing keeping me going is knowing in a month I'll be back on Earth and will be able to see you. I almost feel guilty as my crew won't have that benefit, so I'm hoping to get them extra time on Risa. They deserve it.

Well, I'm going to wrap up here. I need to try to get some sleep so I can hopefully feel well enough for my shift tonight. I have a feeling Philip isn't going to allow it, but I want to at least try to meet with my students if I can't be on the bridge.

I didn't forget what you said about how much you love seeing me in command mode. Luckily, there are security holos of me from our red alert drill and my impromptu trip to engineering. I've attached them. You're welcome.

I'm feeling old, Len. Old and tired. I know it will pass, but right now -- I don't know. I miss you and I wish you were here to remind me that I'm not.

Love you, honey. So much.


To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (
Date sent: Thursday 2260.242

Dear Len,

I really don't have anything new to report. I've been in a pretty rotten mood. That's partly why I haven't written and I'm sorry. I wish I could talk to you -- See your face, hear your voice. I'm sure that would alleviate a lot of what I'm feeling. Fuck, Len, right now I'm feeling back to -- I don't know how to explain it. You know the time when I was questioning my feelings? Wait, that is probably not reassuring to you. I have absolutely no doubts like then, that's not what I mean. Fuck. I should probably erase all of this, but I want you to see what I mess I am right now. I'm sure the lack of sleep isn't helping. Being sick isn't either.

Bottom line, I'm feeling insecure, Len. Another wonderful fucked up feeling I'm experiencing for the first time. I didn't even know what was going on until Dr. Rossen pointed it out to me. It's nothing you've done, so don't blame yourself. Dr. Rossen pointed out it's part of a relationship -- It's normal. I'm so glad after all this time I'm finally becoming normal. Can you hear the sarcasm there? I would laugh, but honestly, I feel like crying.

I'm sure that's reassuring to you. It's not really that bad, Len. Really. I'm sure if you think of it from your doctor/psychological perspective you'll know that -- I'm just dealing with things new to me. I keep trying to tell myself that, but it makes me feel weak and -- Well, you know how well that goes over with me. I swear I'm not going to do anything stupid like I usually do when I feel like that. I've learned that much. I'm trying to rest, take it easy, but frankly I'm going stir crazy. I need to be on the bridge. I need to -- Fuck, I just need you, Len. It scares me how much.

Look, I'm probably scaring you, and I still have half a notion to delete this, but I'm going to send it. Because I don't want to hide anything from you. Even if it scares me to send this -- scares me what you'll think of me after reading it. I read it myself and I feel -- Fuck, I feel pathetic.

I'm okay. Well, I'm not okay, but you know what I mean. I just need some sleep. I need to get rid of this virus. I need to get back to work. So I'm going to let Philip sedate me so I can get some rest. Hopefully, tomorrow I'll feel better.

I love you, Len. So damn much.


To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (
Date Sent: Friday 2260.243

Dear Len,

Just got your comm, and you've already received my last two -- Or I hope you have, so you know I'm fine. Well, not fine, but I'm getting there. I will say, that just getting your comm, reading it, I feel better already. Of course, that also makes me feel even more pathetic, but after talking to Philip about all of this for a couple hours earlier, I'm taking his advice and just -- Well, he said to embrace it. Whatever the fuck that means. He always has been the type who's in touch with his feelings. Bastard.

The name for the filly is beautiful, Len. I've already sent a note to Annie so she can get her formally registered. It suits her. The more holos I see of her -- the name's just perfect. I'm attaching a few more holovids, including a long one of her butting heads with a colt a couple months older than her. Once you see it, I think you'll see we're going to have our hands full with her.

I'm glad Jim is feeling better. I can't say I'm much better, but at least I'm not any worse. I worked half of Gamma and Philip let me swim some -- Not a lot, but I think he realizes I needed it. I stopped when I started coughing and was out of breath -- See, I do know that I have limits. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

I find it ironic that both of our ships have a bug going around on them right now. I told Philip you two should compare notes. He just looked at me like I was crazy, thinking they could be related. I reminded him stranger things have happened.

I'm glad nothing happened with the Klingon ship. I'm sure they are simply out on patrol just like you are. You're bound to run into each other once in a while, I'm just glad there was no aggression on their part. I'm worried more about the Romulans. Diplomatically, the Klingons have been more receptive to the Federation's overtures. Well, as receptive as Klingons can be. The Romulans, however, are another story. What a mess, and I have a feeling it's only going to get worse. I hope I'm wrong for once.

Well, I'm going to get some sleep. Philip wants to run more tests before my shift tonight. I'm doing better, Len, so stop worrying so much. I'll figure this out. I always do. I'm going to take a few days off from writing again unless something changes -- Just thought I'd let you know this time.

Take care and be safe, my love.

I love you.


To: Christopher Pike (
From: Leonard McCoy (
Date Sent: Tuesday 2260.247

Dear Chris,

Good to hear from you. Glad nothing dire's been happening. It's good that you're enjoying your time with your trainees. You've got a lot to teach them, and they're lucky as hell that they've got you to learn it from. And if I'm remembering correctly from the semester you taught at the Academy, and I know I am, I bet at least one or two of them has more than a bit of a crush on you.

That's all right with me. Let 'em look, and dream. At the end of the day, you're mine, and now everyone knows it. You're not an old man, Chris. You're barely even middle-aged. And you're goddamned sexy. Fuck, I'm horny. It's been way too long since I've had your cock in my mouth, in my hands, and buried inside my ass. Watching the footage of you during the emergency drill and the surprise inspection didn't help at all with that little problem. I've jerked off more than once to those vids already, and I can tell they're going to make it into the regular rotation along with the porn vids we made. How is it that you get me off so damn hard when you're not even trying? I guess that's a mystery for the ages.

I had to laugh that you actually let your crew vote on where to take shore leave. When did Starfleet become a democracy? Better watch out, or your crew'll start expecting a say in command decisions too. But I know you, Chris, and I know you wouldn't've put it to a vote unless you knew exactly which way it was going to come out already. Which even I could've predicted -- offer a crew Rigel or Risa, and lord knows they'll pick Risa every time. I'm not normally one for the glitz of the place, but a nice secluded beach house for two sounds just about perfect.

Hell no, I'm not going to comm your mother about her wedding plans. I may not be much of a politician or a diplomat, but even I know better than to stand between a prospective mother-in-law and her dreams of a perfect wedding for her child. I'm not suicidal, Chris. As long as we're being all democratic, my vote would be that we let her plan whatever the hell she wants, enjoy it the best we can, and then have a honeymoon so scorching that neither of us can remember the wedding by the time we're done. How's that sound, darlin'?

God damn, I'm horny. Yeah, I know I already said that, but it bears repeating. You better rest up and recuperate because you're going to need all your strength for when I get my hands on you. I know you're not feeling good, but I've been reading the reports from Philip and both you and he are doing everything that can be done. Sometimes the body's just got to heal in its own time. You'll feel better soon, Chris, I promise.

You said you thought your comms might scare me, but Chris, I know you by now, and you don't scare me. And you're not getting rid of me that easily, so stop worrying that you're going to lose me. Yeah, even I know how to read between the lines. You're getting into your head again, driving yourself crazy thinking about what-ifs and might-bes. Well, stop it. I'm giving you my most intimidating look right now, and you know when you see that look I'm goddamn serious.

I love you, you moody bastard. Now quit moping.


On to Part 40

This entry was originally posted at Please feel free to comment here or there.
Tags: fic: trek, pairing: pike/mccoy, series: to talk of many things
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