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07 September 2010 @ 01:17 pm
Trek Fic: The Sands Were Dry as Dry (Pike/McCoy, NC-17)  
Title: The Sands Were Dry as Dry (Part 38 of To Talk of Many Things)
Authors: mga1999 and skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Pike/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Word Count: Around 7600
Summary: The correspondence and personal journals of Christopher Pike and Leonard McCoy. Plus some Jim.
A/N: From mga1999: For Renee. You told me once you liked the quiet uneventful times, just seeing them living their lives. So this is for you. You will be greatly missed. From skyblue_reverie: Hear, hear. For Renee (easilymused1956).

Click on the gorgeous banner by the awesome fanarts_series for series masterlist with links to all prior parts:

To: James Kirk (jkirk@starfleet.gov)
From: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Thursday 2260.228

Dear Jim,

Glad to hear from you, son. I'll admit, I've been worried about you. I know all too well what those first few weeks are like. The first time it happened to me -- Well, it wasn't pretty. I nearly self-destructed, Jim. No, I didn't talk to anyone, but I should have. I can't exactly say I've gotten better at the talking thing either. I've paid the price though. I've spent my entire life alone and -- Fuck, it's hard to admit, but if any of this helps you not make the same mistakes I have, then it's worth it.

I'm going to be honest here, Jim. I think, no, I know that part of the reason I'm such a jealous asshole about you and Len is because I have never had a friend or even a romantic relationship as close as the two of you have. I have nothing to compare it to except for -- Well, Philip and Allen, and they're married. I've kept everyone at a distance. I built walls so high and had the attitude to go with them to keep anyone from trying. Len knows these things and you're smart enough to have probably figured it out too. I want you to know that you are one of the few people in my life who has ever made it past those walls.

For someone as observant as I am, I sometimes think I've been blind to the world around me for a long time. At least the important parts. This is the part where I confess that when I got your comm -- Well, there might have been a bit of steam coming from my ears. Knowing you were in Len's bed -- I know, I know, you're probably sitting there shaking your head in disappointment at me once again. I was disappointed in myself. Every time I think I'm over it, it hits me hard.

Instead of stewing about though, or writing to you or Len and saying something I'd regret, I took a long walk around the Exeter. A funny thing happened while I did. For a moment, when people were unguarded, not realizing I was approaching, I got to observe my crew talking and laughing -- Going about their lives. Men, women, aliens, spending time together, on shift and off. I snuck in the kitchen entrance to the mess and stood out of sight and watched everyone. Watched them interact. I was particularly drawn to two men who I happen to know are both very happily married -- One to a man, the other a woman. Sitting side by side at a table, their shoulders touching at times, picking food off each other's plates. Laughing and joking. I watched as one of them rose to go get more drinks -- Putting his hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezing. Later I observed one of them ruffle the other's hair. I'd bet my pension that there is nothing untoward going on between them. They're simply good friends. I looked up their records and they've served together or been stationed at the same posts ten out of their fifteen and eighteen years, respectively, in Starfleet.

So the last couple of days, I've continued my observations. Literally spying on my crew. In public areas of course, but without them knowing I was there. I know they'd act more reserved if they saw me, and I didn't want that. What I'm trying to say, Jim, is that all this time I thought the relationship you have with Len is unusual, and maybe in some ways it still is -- But from what I've seen the last few days, it isn't unique.

Does it still bother me that you and Len are so -- well, 'intimate'? Yes, it does. But I'm also learning that you can have an intimate friendship with someone that in no way interferes with the other's romantic or sexual relationship. I'm learning, Jim. Something I obviously should have known long ago.

I'm glad you have Len in your life. I hope you know that you can count on me too. That puts you far ahead of where I was at your age. Don't make the same mistakes I have. Talk to Len, talk to me, talk to someone about what happened. It's not rehashing it, Jim. It's learning to make sense of it. Make some kind of peace. Someone told me once that the only truths and fears that can hurt you are the ones that stay hidden. I wish I'd listened to that advice.

There's more I could say, but I won't. You're smart, Jim. You know what you need to do. I want to hear about your hand-to-hand classes and combat training when you have time. Right now I'm exhausted and I still need to write Len. I hope something I've written here helps. If so, it's worth the -- Well, I'll admit I'm embarrassed about some of this.

Take care of yourself, son. And thank you for taking care of Len for me.



To: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
From: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Thursday 2260.228

Dear Len,

This is going to be short as I just wrote a long comm to Jim and I'm exhausted both physically and emotionally. Before you get all worried, I'm fine. The away mission was uneventful. Nothing of any worth was found on the planet. We took more samples, filed a report, broke orbit and are back scouting what seems to be endless, planet-less space.

I've just been, well, occupied this week. If Jim is agreeable, you can read the comm I sent him. There's more, but I'm literally about to nod off here at my desk and I don't need a lecture from you or Philip for doing so.

Just know that I love you. I'll write more tomorrow. I'm only working half a shift as I'm moving to Gamma in two days and need to acclimate.

Always yours,

To: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
From: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Friday 2260.229

Dear Len,

I'm sorry for such a short and I'm sure worrisome comm last night. I was so tired, Len. Still am somewhat, but much better than last night. I'm staying up all night to get ready for Gamma tomorrow. Not sure I'm going to make it. May have to take a stim or two tomorrow night.

I don't know if Jim showed you the comm or not, so I don't know how much to explain. I'm going to proceed on the assumption that he did. I'm not sure if you noticed the ring color earlier in the week. I'm sure at times it was red, and then pink, black, swirling, whatever it does when I'm all over the place.

I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'll just flat out say that the number one gossip subject on the Exeter right now is the fact that it's supposedly been 'proven' that you and Jim are having an affair behind my back. Now, before you get all bent out of shape -- I know it's not true. From what I've pieced together, and from what I found out after I ordered Rickie to spill what she's heard, it's all based on the fact that since the transporter incident, you and Jim have been going in and out of each other's quarters at all hours. And staying in each other's quarters. I'm sure you can imagine how it's gone from there.

Truth: yes, it got to me. But like I told Jim, it led me on a journey that has helped me figure a few things out. I'm also going to admit once and for all that I think I'm always going to be jealous of you and Jim to a certain extent. I'm not going to try to pretend otherwise, because it would be a lie. It bothers me, Len. I don't expect you to change anything, I don't want you to change anything. Either of you. It's my problem, and while I can't promise that I'm not going to get upset from time to time or do something foolish -- I want to believe that with the help of Dr. Rossen, Richard, and what I've learned the last few days, that I have a better grasp on all of it. I don't know what else to say. Honestly, I'm a little worried how you'll react right now.

Just know that I love you more than anything. I don't need your reassurance, or anything really. And I mean it, I don't want you or Jim to change anything. In fact, if I hear the scuttlebutt dying down without reason, I'm going to know you have. He needs you right now, probably more than he ever has. He's going to hit bottom soon. It's inevitable. I'll never forgive myself if my feelings prevent you from catching him.

Love always,

To: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
From: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Monday 2260.232

Dear Chris,

Things are quiet here, at least in terms of our mission. A few warp signatures that looked Romulan but by the time we got near, whoever it was was long gone.

Of course, whenever it's quiet out there it turns into a goddamn soap opera in here. There's a new strain of Rigellian clap working its way through the crew -- a mutated version that's immune to the current STD booster. I'm working on a new booster, and meantime I'm just treating the symptoms as they crop up. Luckily it's nothing too serious, just uncomfortable. The crew of this boat is goddamn lucky that I'm an ethical man because I swear to god I can track who's sleeping with who just by the timing of the onset of symptoms. I could make a fortune in the betting pools. I know far more than I ever wanted to learn about this crew's taste in bed partners.

In other news, and this I do have permission to share, Nyota and Spock have decided to have a baby. They said if I'm up to it, they'd like to have me assist them with it. Medically, I mean. Good lord. I'll have to brush up on my cross-species reproductive genetics before I even know whether I can handle it. Of course, I'll consult with other doctors as well, although all of the ones who helped in Spock's conception perished on Vulcan.

I can't believe I'm going to be helping to create a miniature Spock. The thought alone induces nightmares. Still, if anyone's DNA can compensate for Vulcan cold-bloodedness, it's Nyota's. I'm sure any baby of theirs will be cute as a bug in a rug, at any rate.

Oh, and Spock tried to tell Nyota that once she became pregnant, it would no longer be "logical" for her to go on away missions. I think the entire ship heard the resulting fight. That's going down in ship's lore, for sure. Spock eventually decided on a tactical retreat. Sometimes he shows a smidgeon of common sense.

Of course, they've asked Jim to be the godfather of the baby, which negates any common sense either of them has ever claimed to possessed. He's busting with pride, naturally, and is already full of plans for his little "niece" or "nephew." I told him to hold his horses, that she's not even pregnant and that even once she was, it would be a tricky pregnancy, but he just waved it off and told me that with me as their doctor, of course it would go smoothly. I don't understand how he's so annoyingly optimistic despite the shit that life dumps on everyone again and again.

Speaking of Jim, I guess I should respond to the things you said about that. Yeah, I read the comm you sent him about being jealous, and about the rumors about us. The problem is, I don't have the first goddamn idea what to say. You said you didn't want reassurance, and it doesn't seem to help any when I try to offer it. I guess it's good that you're dealing with it, acknowledging it instead of trying to shove it down. As for the scuttlebutt - I learned a long time ago to ignore it. There's always been rumors about me and Jim, starting from practically the first day of the Academy. Hell, you told me that even you believed them, before you and me were together. Sometimes the rumors flare up, sometimes they die down. Right now the rumor on the Enterprise, and I heard this from Christine, is that you're having an affair with Rickie and I ran to Jim's arms for comfort. It would be amusing if it weren't so goddamn aggravating. In fact, Ensign T'Chani from engineering came up to me in the mess yesterday, put her hand on my arm, and said in all seriousness and sympathy, "Men are dogs. All of them." It was all I could do to keep a straight face as I agreed with her.

You said you were changing shift -- that's hard on your system, as you well know. Take it easy, get plenty of rest, and listen to Philip if he tells you to slow down. You know he's going to tell me if you ignore him, and then we'll gang up on you. Trust me, you do not want that.

Speaking of plenty of rest, I'm pretty damn exhausted myself, so I'm going to sign off for the night. I love you, I miss you, and I belong to you, Christopher Richard Pike.


Personal Journal of Leonard H. McCoy

Monday 2260.232

So apparently Chris is never going to get over his jealousy of me and Jim. Just wonderful. That was exactly what I wanted to hear.

I don't have the slightest idea what to do about it anymore, and honestly I'm getting sick of it. Nothing I say or do ever seems to make a lick of difference, and yet I keep beating my head against the wall. Me and my goddamn urge to fix everything and everyone.

Well, I am officially making it not my problem anymore. He can deal with his jealousy or not. I've done everything I can to reassure him, and apparently it hasn't helped. I give up.

Chris is also sure that Jim is going to suffer some sort of mental breakdown any second now, over what happened when he got split in two. He keeps telling me to watch over Jim -- as if I wouldn't anyway. And then, of course, he complains that he's jealous when I do keep a close eye on him.

Anyway, I'm not convinced that Chris is right about Jim. I know Jim better than he does, after all, and I'm Jim's goddamn doctor. Have been for years. Jim isn't some fragile flower, and he's been through a hell of a lot worse shit than this in his life. Worse, probably, than anything Chris had gone through when he first had an experience like this. Jim knows how to deal with mental trauma, how to compartmentalize when he's on duty and work through shit when he's not. If he didn't, he wouldn't still be alive.

It's a strange feeling, realizing that Chris isn't always right. About factual things, I mean -- I've always known he was kind of a dumbass when it comes to emotions. And it's odd to realize that sometimes my opinion has more validity than his. But it's not like I'm going to relax my vigilance around Jim, regardless of whether I agree with Chris's assessment. I keep an eye out for Jim. I always have, ever since we met, and I'm going to keep on doing it, whether Chris likes it or not.

Christ, I'm in a foul mood. Better go sleep it off because Christine will kick my ass if I end up taking it out on her, or even worse, the patients.

To: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
From: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Saturday 2260.230

Dear Len,

It's shortly before midnight during my first night of Gamma shift. I have my command trainees all sitting at stations on the bridge and we're going to have a red alert drill at 0300. Otherwise, it's quiet. We've been traveling at warp three for a few hours, approaching the next sector we need to chart and explore.

I haven't had a stim yet, but I know I'll need one soon. I'm having a heck of a time changing my sleeping schedule. I'm trying to do it without sleep aids, although I'm sure you'll grumble that stimulant use can be just as bad. I already promised Philip if it's not better in forty-eight hours, I'll let him sedate me when I get off shift.

I don't think I told you I was going to start writing every day. I didn't think you'd mind, but I can't always promise I'll have anything worthwhile to say. I just miss 'talking' to you and I thought if I told you about my day, it might help.

I know you told me not to get you anything for your birthday, and I didn't tell you before because I was -- Well, she hadn't been born yet and I didn't want to put the cart before the horse. Damn, that's a bad pun considering -- Well, your gift is an Arabian filly. She's already showing that she's as stubborn as her owner as she arrived well over two weeks late. To the point we were worried. So you'll get to see her in October. She was born at a nearby ranch in Rosamund. When she's older, we can keep her at my ranch or eventually move her to Georgia. Whatever you'd like. She'll also need a name, and that's up to you. I'm attaching a few holos. As you can see, at only a few days old, she's already quite spirited.

Hopefully, getting her hasn't gotten me in trouble with you. The opportunity presented itself three weeks ago when the original buyer backed out due to relocation off-planet. The owner contacted Annie to see if I'd be interested and the rest is history. The timing was perfect for your birthday. And while I know you said you wanted to put off getting horses for the Georgia property, like I said, she can stay in Mojave. If it's not okay, then I guess you'll have to punish me.

Well, it's taken me awhile to write this in between tactical exercises with my students. It's almost 0300 so I need to get ready to wake the ship up. I have to admit, I get a kick out of it.

I love you, Len. Hope you're keeping busy.



To: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
From: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
Sunday 2260.231

Dear Len,

I was able to sleep five hours this afternoon, so that's progress I suppose. I'm going to try not to use a stim tonight. I had to use three last night, even with the excitement of the red alert. I already told Rickie to keep the coffee coming tonight. I'm on cup number two already. Is it bad that I can hear your 'Good god man, that's not good for you!' rumbling through my head. Unlike everyone else, though, you don't scare me. Thinking of you saying that actually makes me grin. And hard too.

The drill went well last night. Performance could have been a bit better, but I took on so many firsties this leg of the tour. Most have never served on a ship like most Academy cadets do at some point. Another one of Starfleet's brilliant ideas. Don't get me started.

I got a comm from Richard. The Exeter has a choice of Risa or Rigel II for shore leave. He's not quite sure of the exact dates. HQ is waiting to see if the two ships they want to launch will be ready in late January/early February. The ships probably will, but there is the matter of not enough experienced crew to man them. What a mess. They are firming up dates, but the Exeter will more than likely be delayed returning by a week or two as the ships launching are intended for long-range exploration. I don't think your tour will be extended since they won't send a rookie ship and crew to the Neutral Zone immediately. He assured me we'd have at least a week together, for which I'm grateful.

Do you have a preference between Risa or Rigel II? Honestly, it doesn't matter to me, but Risa, despite its reputation, is safer than the Rigellian system. Regardless, I plan on getting us a house on a secluded beach and I highly doubt we'll be leaving it much. Since you'll be heading back to earth, I'll arrange transport for you once you've debriefed and are done at headquarters.

He doesn't see any reason why the following shore leave won't be on Earth later that year. I was thinking the other night that we had our first date in September. 2258.250 to be exact, which just so happens to fall on a Saturday next year. What do you think, Len? I almost feel -- Well, a bit sappy considering that date for our wedding. We could always do it a week later, but I'll admit, I kind of like the idea and the timing is probably right.

So think about that and let me know. Then I'll let Richard know so he can plan our shore leave around that time. Right now, I think I'm going to wander down to engineering for a spot inspection. They'll never be expecting it the night after a red alert drill.

I love you.


To: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
From: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Monday 2260.232

Dear Len,

I certainly didn't make any new friends in engineering early this morning. I went down about 0300. Now, to be fair, there was nothing substantially wrong. All in all, I was pretty impressed, considering how many inexperienced crew members make up the engineering complement. Of course, I didn't let them know that. The more prepared they are, the more of them survive in an accident or battle. You're probably the only person I can admit this to -- Sometimes I get off on seeing them shake in their boots.

Otherwise, still a whole lot of nothing out here. Long range sensors are picking up planet-size formations in the next sector that we'll be mapping. We still have a few days here before we're done charting. Word sure spreads quickly though, as not an hour later I heard a couple of ensigns chatting about it in the gym. I think the crew is anxious to find something substantial, and I can't say that I blame them.

Speaking of the gym, I'm getting closer and closer to being able to run five miles without feeling like I'm going to die that last half mile or so. Still far from what I used to be able to run without effort, but I'm getting there. I usually swim right after. It helps me wind down while still being able to keep my heart rate up.

I'm starting to get into a pretty good routine. After I get off shift, I have a quick meeting with my command crew. No more than fifteen minutes, usually less. Then I spend about an hour with my command track students reviewing what exercises we did on the bridge that night. After I dismiss them, I usually spend an hour reading and answering comms. Yes, I'm eating breakfast. Rickie brings it to me when I'm done with my students before she turns in for the day. Then I hit the gym. And now, I'm back in my quarters usually reading, writing reports, and obviously right now I'm writing to you. I'm still only getting about five or six hours sleep right now, but I'm managing.

Speaking of sleep, I'm pretty wiped after today's workout, so I'm going to turn in. I hope these comms aren't boring you too much. I miss you, Len. I hope things are well.

Love always,

To: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
From: James Kirk (jkirk@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Tuesday 2260.233

Dear Chris,

I needed a couple of days to think before I answered your comm. I'm still not sure what I should say, other than that I'm okay. I'm dealing. I may not be 'talking' to Bones, but man, sometimes... I guess it helps a little, just not being alone. I want to talk to Bones sometimes... Trouble is, I don't want to burden him or you. I'm not used to having anyone. Twenty-two years of being alone doesn't unravel itself very easily. Bones knows this and understands. He always has. You said you don't let people in -- I know what it's like to go through life without friends too. Bones... Well, he was my first real friend since I was a kid, or, really, my entire life. I stopped trusting and counting on anyone... Well, I was pretty young. I had to. Bones is the only one I trust implicitly, and truthfully, I don't ever see that changing.

I have always respected your leadership and I trust your abilities as a Captain. That doesn't mean I would have ever trusted you with things... Well, like personal things I've told Bones. I'm not saying that to hurt you, and yes, some of it has a lot to do with stuff that's happened since you and Bones started seeing each other. But even if those things hadn't happened, Chris, I don't think I would have ever 'spilled my guts' to you like I have with Bones. I looked up to you too much. I wouldn't have wanted to disappoint you.

I know you have a shitload of experience with what I'm dealing with at the moment. But, to put it bluntly, I'm not you, Chris. Yeah, I'm struggling, but that's nothing new to me. I'm learning that while you and I are similar in some ways, there are more ways that we aren't. I'm not sure exactly what I'm saying here, and I do value your advice, Chris. Really I do. I know it isn't easy for you to open up like you did. Thank you for that. It means a lot to me. I really don't think talking about what happened is going to help me, though. I'm better at moving on without looking back.

I still hear your voice in my head from our meetings at the academy, you know. You would tell me over and over that as long as I learn from my mistakes, and try not make the same ones over and over, that I'd be the best starship captain possible. I know I'm going to make mistakes; obviously I already have. What was I supposed to learn from what happened? I've gone over that mission, and my actions, and my reasoning with Bones on why I should go. It was all sound. It was a fluke. I know it was out of my control. That still doesn't change the fact that I did some terrible things to people who trusted me, and said some terrible things, to Bones especially. Now I have to learn to live with it. Bones forgave me way too easily, although I can't say I wouldn't have done the same if the situation was reversed.

I woke up screaming, shaking, and sweating again two nights ago from another nightmare. Luckily, Bones was parked on my couch and pulled me out of it pretty quickly. I shrugged him off when he asked what the nightmare was about, but he knew. They are all about him. About me hurting him. He gave me a sedative and gave me something to think about. He told me that maybe it was a good thing that I was the one that was split. It could have been another member of the away team who could have done far worse things. That helped a lot, to look at it that way.

I know you're worried about me, but scaring Bones with things you almost did... That's not helping, Chris. I'm not sure what I can do to reassure you. I guess it's the same as Bones not being able to reassure you that he's not going anywhere, that he's not going to leave you for me. Or that you have no reason to be jealous of me. I worry, Chris. Shit, I've seen firsthand what jealousy can do. Uncle Frank was always insanely jealous of how much both sets of grandparents loved me, especially his parents. Sam was jealous that our dad's parents doted on me since I looked so much like my father. Frank was jealous of my mom and her Starfleet career and they fought all the time. He took it out on us, me especially. It ripped my family apart. Shit, that's more than I wanted to say, but is that what you want to happen to you and Bones?

I'm sorry, it wasn't really my place to say anything, but I can't help it. I see how it tears Bones apart sometimes, how much it weighs on him. I want him to be happy, Chris. I want you to be happy too, despite everything. I've never hated you, Chris, even during the shit storms that have happened the last couple of years. Was I disappointed? Yeah, I was. I'm pretty sure I've told you that before. In some ways, it helped me to see that you were human and you make stupid mistakes just like everyone else. Made the hero worship thing go away pretty quickly. It's given me a new perspective. A perspective I needed to become a better captain... a better person.

I owe you a lot, Chris. I know that. You mean a lot to me, despite the problems we've had. I care about you a lot, and yeah, I do love you. That doesn't mean I can open up to you about what happened with the transporter or about other things. I think what I have said before... what I've said now is about all I have. I hope you understand that.

I'm going to sign off now. I'll tell you more about my combat classes next time. I'm wiped. I've got a wicked cold and Bones took me off-shift an hour ago and sent me in here to sleep. I'm sure he'll be coming to check on me soon, and if he finds me up, he's not going to be happy. I'm sure you know how that is.

Just... thanks, Chris.


To: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
From: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Tuesday 2260.233

Dear Len,

Another uneventful day. Not that I'm complaining. I will let you know that I pulled a muscle in my thigh pretty badly this morning trying to run more than I should have. Philip is letting me suffer, thinking it will teach me a lesson. He should know better, but I'm managing. If he thinks that will slow me down, he's sadly mistaken. Of course, I probably shouldn't have just admitted that to you, although I'm sure you're not surprised.

I haven't heard from my mom in a few days. I think that might scare me. I usually get a comm or two a day updating me or asking questions. At least then I know what's going on, so I know what we're up against. This can't be anything good. I did hear from Annie though, and your little filly is doing well. Apparently she thinks she already owns the place. I have a feeling from the holos I've seen that we'll have our hands full with her. I'm attaching the latest that Annie sent me.

I admit, it's been a bit -- Well, I don't know, strange I guess, to be writing to you every day knowing you won't get this for days. It has helped, though. It makes me feel like I'm sharing my day with you. And please don't feel obligated to do the same. You're busier than I am, and you have your hands full with Jim at the moment. I'm enjoying doing this. I just hope I'm not putting you to sleep.

Not much new on the gossip loop. Rickie says things have quieted down about you and Jim, and that worried me at first, thinking something had changed. I shook it off though. I'm not getting as many 'sympathy' looks, although I have to admit once I give them my patented captain glare, it goes away pretty quickly. I think it also helps that I might have let it slip to Rickie that we've zeroed in on a wedding date and location. I suspect that put a quick end to the worst of the scuttlebutt.

Well, I don't really have anything else to say today. I think I'm going to make use of that tub you procured for me and soak my pulled muscle and other various aches and pains. Philip still says it's my old age. Remind me again why I thought it would be a good idea to have him as my CMO?

I love you, Len. A little over six weeks until I see you again. I can't wait, honey.

Love always,

To: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
From: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Wednesday 2260.234

Dear Len,

Philip gave in and treated my muscle pull. He saw that I was planning on running anyway, and said something to the effect of not wanting to be on the receiving end of one of your tirades if I made the injury worse. So thank you for that, although I'm sure you're swearing under your breath right now. Is it bad that thinking about that is making me hard?

Speaking about being hard -- I had the most amazing dream about us yesterday. I don't know where we were. It wasn't my place, or yours, or anywhere familiar to me. Just a house with a lot of sunlight coming through the windows and a big comfortable bed and both of us in it. Everything was white and crisp -- Even the flowers on the nightstand: Tulips. We were feeding each other some kind of white fruit. It was weird, everything being white, except it wasn't. It just made the color of your skin, the green in your eyes, and the dark hair on your head and scattered all over your body just that more beautiful.

At one point in the dream, you were riding me. My hands were tied to the bed directly above my head. My knees were up behind you, and you were arching back against them as I thrust into you. You had one hand on your cock, jerking yourself off, and the other rubbing and twisting your nipples. You head was thrown back, eyes closed and your mouth open and gasping as I hit your prostate with each thrust. You were practically humming in pleasure, long deep moans emanating deep from your throat. You looked so beautiful, Len. Your orgasm was so powerful that your come shot all over my chest and some on my chin, and into my mouth. The sight of you -- The taste of you pushed me over the edge and fuck Len, it felt so good. You licked your come off my chest and face, our tongues tangling as your body covered mine. I remember feeling so peaceful, so happy.

I woke up and I'd slept almost eight hours. I was so hard that once I wrapped my hand around my cock, I came less than thirty seconds later. I licked my hand clean, thinking of you, wishing you were here to do it for me. I wanted to lie in bed and remember the dream -- Remember the feel of being inside you, but it was almost time for my shift. I took a shower and went to the mess to eat dinner. Hopefully, this means I've turned a corner on the sleep issue. I'll keep you posted.

I'm attaching our travel itinerary for our trip to earth, for the engagement party. I ended up hiring two transports. I'm taking a shuttle to rendezvous with a ship at the closest outpost. Another ship will pick you and Jim up and then return Jim to the Enterprise the next day. You'll be going back three days later, on the same ship as me. We'll drop you off on the Enterprise and then I'll head back out to the outpost, where the shuttle will be waiting. If you have any questions, let me know. You'll arrive a couple hours before me, but my mom will pick you and Jim up and take you to the house.

I'm due in the mess in a few. We celebrate crew birthdays every Wednesday during lunch with cake and ice cream. Big group today. Twenty-seven crew members have a birthday this week. The youngest turning nineteen, the oldest seventy-four. It's one of my favorite times of the week.

Wish you were here to share the cake with me. I think I'd save some of the icing -- Actually, maybe I'd borrow a tube of it and have some fun making stripes down your cock and then licking it off. Would you like that, Len? I think we'll have to try that next time we're together.

I love you. God, I can't wait to be inside you again.


To: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
From: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Thursday 2260.235

Dear Len,

Today has not been a good day. Yesterday we celebrated birthdays, today we mourn the loss of a beloved crew member. Our head cook, Walter, died in his sleep last night. He didn't show up for alpha this morning and was found in his bed. He served Starfleet over seventy years, sometimes at the Academy, and a good deal of them on a ship, sometimes the ships I was on. He retired from Starfleet ten years ago, but decided to return to service after the Narada. I was more than glad to have him on the Exeter. He was ninety-five, and I guess it's hit me hard since he and my dad are about the same age, and both healthy and vibrant men. He leaves a wife, four children, and last time we talked, he had mentioned that his fiftieth grandchild had been born, a great-grandson.

After I found out, I sent a comm off to my father. My mother does most of the writing for the two of them, always has, but if I write him directly he always writes me back. I just -- I felt the need to check in with him, I guess.

I'm not sure when the memorial will be yet. I'm going to comm his wife, Alicia, as soon as I'm done writing you. Things like this are what I hate the most about being so far from home. It will be days before his family gets the news. I sent off the official report and Philip's medical report to Starfleet, which will, of course, take care of the notification. He has his final wishes listed in his Starfleet file, but I always like to check with the spouse/partner first as a courtesy.

Getting your comm when I got back to my quarters helped, despite -- Well, despite the fact that I can read between the lines and guess you're upset with me. Or maybe disappointed is a better word. I just know something's off Len, and I'm sorry. For what it's worth as far as your gossip on the Enterprise, Rickie is gay. She is not interested in men in the least. Can't say that I blame her, considering.

I know you're mine, Len. I hope you know that I'm yours too. I'm not really in the mood to talk about anything else right now. I need to get my thoughts together so I can send a video message to Alicia. She deserves nothing less.

I love you.


To: Christopher Pike (cpike@starfleet.gov)
From: Leonard McCoy (lmccoy@starfleet.gov)
Date Sent: Sunday 2260.238

Dear Chris,

Good lord, man, that's a lot to respond to. Not that I'm complaining. It's been really nice, getting a comm from you every day. Gives me something to look forward to.

Everything here is fine. Jim's got a cold and he's whining about it like an infant. I'll never understand how he refuses to admit it when he's got life-threatening injuries, but when he's got something that's only a minor inconvenience you'd think the world was ending from the amount he complains. Other than that, though, nothing going on -- a whole lot of empty space and a whole bunch of jumpy crewmembers.

Before I go on, let me say that I'm sorry about Walter's passing. I know it's never easy losing someone, even when it's their time. Hopefully it will be some comfort to his family that he went peacefully and painlessly. So many of us in Starfleet aren't granted that blessing.

You said in one of your comms that I was upset with you, and that isn't quite the right word -- I'm discouraged, maybe, that you don't think you'll ever get over your jealousy. But we've beaten that dead horse into a bloody pulp and I don't really want to talk about it anymore.

All right, this is about the worst transition of all time, but speaking of horses -- yeah, yeah, I know, I'm wincing too.

The holos of the filly are beautiful. She looks like a fine animal, Chris, beautiful and spirited. She has that look in her eye like she's the master of all she surveys, and as far as she's concerned the rest of us can just fall in line. Reminds me of someone I know. And no, I don't mean Jim.

I'm glad you got her for me. Really, Chris, I am. I'll probably want to keep her at the place in Mojave for now, since you've already got a stables set up with a trainer and all. I can't wait to meet her. I'll start thinking of a name pretty enough to match her.

Let's see, what else. I'd prefer Risa for shore leave, if it's safer. You put yourself in harm's way enough as it is. Sometimes I wish I could wrap you up in protective padding and keep you safely on Earth. But then, I know that there's no guarantee of safety even on Earth, and I know that playing it safe isn't in your vocabulary. I just worry. You know that.

I think the idea of getting married on the anniversary of our first date is a nice one, Chris. It'll make it even more meaningful for us. Plus that way I'll only have to remember one anniversary. Of course, I'll probably forget anyway. Jocelyn used to give me hell for that.

I'm going to have to comm Philip and ask him what the hell he's thinking, letting you run yourself ragged the way you are. For god's sake, Chris, slow down and take it easy. You don't have anything to prove to anyone. You obviously haven't lost your edge, since you've still got 'em shaking in their boots.

Here's where I admit that I get off on that thought too. I can picture you running a red alert drill, so calm and competent, completely in control of the situation. And then, good lord, the next night doing a surprise inspection. I can just see you striding into engineering, with that stern look on your face, raising an eyebrow as you tour the place, everyone scuttling around, trying desperately to avoid your disapproval. Damn it, now I'm hard as a rock. You are goddamn sexy when you're in command.

So how about this -- I won't judge you for liking it when I get grumpy and grumble at you about your health, if you won't judge me for liking it when you go into calm, cool captain mode.

Good lord, Chris, your dream. It sounds amazing, darlin'. Wish I could be with you so we could do all of those things you dreamed about, but I know we can't. Not yet. Fuck, I miss you so much. Nothing's quite right when I'm not with you. All right, all right, now I'm just bringing myself down.

Don't ever think you're boring me with these comms. I love getting them. Makes me feel closer to you, just knowing what's going on in your daily life.

Stay safe, darlin'. I love you.


On to Part 39
snitches be crazy: st - pike/mccoyshighola on September 7th, 2010 08:46 pm (UTC)
I too like the quiet updates where they're just living their lives. Thank you :)
*squishes you both*

Oh and Spock and Nyota are having a baby!!!!!!
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 8th, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC)
*squishes back*

Weeping Naiad: ST: Pike/Kirk/McCoyweepingnaiad on September 7th, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
*sighs happily*

This was lovely! Just living life, dealing with the day to day and still missing each other. I think its good for Chris to write every day. He's never had that, never needed that, and I think it'll help him on his communication issues.

God, I love Jim! <3 Yeah, he's a survivor, been through hell and back and still is so optimistic and amazing, but he's still scarred, can't trust and doesn't think he ever will. That makes me sad. He deserves someone that loves him unconditionally, that is there for him. I know it'll be a long time coming, but I hope that he finds the one, too.

Lovely, ladies, as ever!

Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 8th, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Well, I like to think that Bones does love him unconditionally. Not exactly the same, but it's enough for Jim. For now anyway. Who knows what the future holds for him. <3
elfsausage: bones-pike010elfsausage on September 7th, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
I love the sense of comfort in this chapter. I mean, they're talking about angsty things, but somehow the fact that the talk in the way they do makes it clear how comfortable they all are with one another, and how much love there is between them. By the end I felt like someone had wrapped me up in a warm blanket & snuggled me to sleep.

And I bet Renee would have loved this as much as I do :-)
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 8th, 2010 07:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I had so much fun writing all the comms. And yes, they are quite comfortable with each other, which considering they still really haven't spent much time together in the two years they've been together makes it mean more I think.
The Hysterical Hystorian: Star Trek: McCoy/Pikeabigail89 on September 7th, 2010 11:33 pm (UTC)
YES!!!! *twirls Chris and y'all* We have dawning emotional maturity. Sort of. Can I admit that it's about goddamn time Chris got to that point? Really, admitting that he's going to always be just a wee bit jealous of Jim & Len is about as emotionally mature as the vast majority of men get. Well done! And thank you for getting him to that point.

I love it when nothing really happens. Love that Chris is so chatty about nothing, just goes on and on to feel close to Len. It's endearing, and Len knows it.

Jim--wow, Jim is a revelation of a sort here. I'm impressed that he's finally revealing so much of what he thinks. It takes a lot of guts to admit to someone that you don't trust them enough to tell them everything, preferring someone else. And it's back to that whole issue of Jim and Len just having this unique relationship. Yeah, other people have them, and they may be intimate, but Jim isn't just other people. Him admitting the role jealousy has playing in his life, yeah, I can see how he has no patience for it at all. It's so refreshing to see 2 men simply ignore what people around them say, and go on with their lives. Chris, once again, is just going to have to deal, and to have him admit, finally, that it's ultimately his problem and for it not to affect Len & Jim's relationship--the man deserves another *twirl*.

As do you both. Fabulous, fabulous stuff, y'all. *squidges you both madly*
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 8th, 2010 08:03 pm (UTC)
Okay, now I'm dizzy from all that twirling. *g*

I think you summed it up perfectly. Chris is simply going to have to deal. Jim may have tried to pull away before to do the right thing, but that's certainly not going to happen again. And Len is certainly not, so Chris really doesn't have a choice. Well, he does, but leaving Len now that he's fallen in love for the first time in his life isn't really a choice is it. Oh the fun of relationships.

(Deleted comment)
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 9th, 2010 01:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Sometimes the mundane moments are the best.
sangue: bones poutysangueuk on September 8th, 2010 12:06 am (UTC)
Too late for a coherent comment, but I adored this and particularly loved Jim's voice and what he says about friendship. It was heart breaking and sobering.

And yeah, Renee would have loved this too.
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 9th, 2010 01:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you! <3
pearlstar178pearlstar178 on September 8th, 2010 12:42 am (UTC)
Look at the boys acting like they are (mostly) mature adults.

The tone of this is so lovely and full of comfort. Even through the sadness their love ( romantic and friendshipy) shows through.


and of course YEAH for a Spock and Nyota baby.
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 9th, 2010 01:04 pm (UTC)
I know! It almost gives me hope for the male species. Oh wait, what am I thinking? *g*

I sometimes wonder though if lifespans are 50 years longer 200 years from now does that mean they have their mid-life crisis in their 60's or 70's and they are complete utter idiots until then? This must mean women's life spans are much shorter as a result. lol
secretsolitairesecretsolitaire on September 8th, 2010 02:36 am (UTC)
*happy sigh* What a lovely long installment. Chris's first letter made me want to hug him. Emotional maturity FTW! I can understand why Bones is discouraged at the thought that Chris will never stop being at least a little jealous, but I think that's a healthy admission to be able to make.

Also loved Jim's letter. And that Spock and Uhura want to have a baby! I laughed at the paragraph about Spock finding it "illogical" for her to go on away missions. Hee. Good luck with that, Spocko. I also laughed over Len's dead horse/new filly transition. Niiiice.

Wonderful installment as always. :-)
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 9th, 2010 01:07 pm (UTC)
I think it is a healthy admission too and realistic. It's not so easy he's finding out when you have such strong feelings for someone and haven't a clue what to do with them sometimes. Poor Chris, he's getting there though. I hope.

random00brandom00b on September 8th, 2010 03:50 am (UTC)
Great chapter!
I love the "slice of life" details in Pike's letters. I also like that Chris acknowledges that the jealousy thing won't go away...or at least not quickly (he is in his 50s after all and a Type-A personality). I also like that Len's not going to beat a dead horse. Mostly I'm just happy they're communicating about it but it's not going to break them uo.

Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 9th, 2010 01:30 pm (UTC)
Re: Great chapter!
I also like that Chris acknowledges that the jealousy thing won't go away...or at least not quickly (he is in his 50s after all and a Type-A personality)

Exactly. Especially when he's never experienced it in previous relationships. He never had to or cared enough for it to matter.


ellie_pierson: Pike/McCoy fly with meellie_pierson on September 8th, 2010 04:32 am (UTC)
So my first thought after reading this is...I want to see a picture of the filly!! Second thought is how cute would Uhura and Spock's baby be??

Thank you guys for not making the strange uninhabited planet a danger zone for Chris. The poor guy needs to recover for a bit before he goes gallivanting off.

Loved Chris' letter to Jim and Jim's back to Chris. It's nice that the boys can be honest and grownup with each other.

Thanks for this chapter ladies. This is one of the highlights of my week.

Hugs and kisses.
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 9th, 2010 01:33 pm (UTC)
Yes, I want to see a picture of the filly too and then pics of Len and the still to be named filly together. If only.

You know, I was laughing every time someone was commenting on the planet because I never intended for anything to happen. And then I thought, hmmmm, maybe I should now since everyone expects it anyway. LOL Alas, I decided to save any EVOL for later. *innocent grin*

amine_eyesamine_eyes on September 8th, 2010 09:54 am (UTC)
Oh this is a lovely piece of work :D

I must admit, I was worried when I was seeing comm after comm from Chris and none from Leonard, and then i remembered that he wouldn't be able to answer - the resulting sigh of relief was very loud indeed :P

And this is wonderfully sweet and loving, and yes, hard work on all their fronts - I'm so glad that Leonard's just going to leave it now, after all, it's up to Chris to stop being so jealous :D

♥ x a hundred :D
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 9th, 2010 01:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I wasn't quite sure how to do the daily comms without alarming anyone. Or the order. We finally decided just to put 'send' dates on them and even though one of Len's was sent after some of the later ones from Chris. Man, does that even make sense? It's 6AM and I'm still not awake after a late night and being up 2 hours already. lol

Anyway, yeah, we put the send dates on them now because of the delay and hope that helps.

And yeah, there is really nothing Len can do. He's certainly not going to give up his friendship with Jim. Chris will just have to deal.

zauzatzauzat on September 8th, 2010 03:10 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this chapter. Chris's development was beautifully done. I enjoyed the reality of Chris reaching out to Jim but Jim not being able to respond as Chris would want. And Len comming one thing to Chris and writing something rather different in his diary was great. And then just a teaser of steamy sex.... another wonderful episode!
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 9th, 2010 01:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I've tried to be realistic about Chris 'growing' in this relationship. He's certainly not going to change overnight, and I believe that it's never one 'moment' that changes you but a series of them that eventually get you on the right path.

The great thing about writing both the comms and still throwing a journal entry in here and there is we can see what they may be holding back from each other. It also shows that in the past they might have just said those things and caused more problems, but they are both learning that some things might just be left unsaid until those thoughts resonate.

claudia_nicclaudia_nic on September 8th, 2010 10:21 pm (UTC)
I'm totally late reading, but hey I was busy. Thanks for the totally uneventful but yet funny loving interlude. It perfectly described how boring space travel can be when not in mortal perril and what people do to brighten their day (gossip about everybody else).
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 9th, 2010 01:47 pm (UTC)
Eh, we were totally late posting. Busy and real life need to be BANNED. I mean the nerve of them getting in the way of what's important! *g*

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed. It was fun writing this part. <3
ivorysilkivorysilk on September 10th, 2010 03:19 am (UTC)
I usually read all the comments so I can sound intelligent, but since I'm in a rush and can't today, I'm going to say this--what I like best about this part is Leonard's entry--his realization that he has opinions and insights that *neither* of the other two men in his life either have or realize. He really is the most emotionally balanced one of the three--and it's interesting here to really see that. It's also kind of nice that while I *adore* the soulmates we think exactly alike and have deep insight into each other all the time relationships in fic (and yes, I do adore that) I really quite love here how this isn't that kind of idealized relationship. Leonard is still himself--he's got a fiance, he's got a best friend, he colleagues and friends and family--and each of them offer him something, but none of them offer him everything. He has his own mind, and his own thoughts, and sometimes, all of the rest of mankind are annoying and he'd rather tell them all to go away (I could be projecting a tad, but you understand *g*). I am kind of enchanted but the realistic--disappointing, but realistic--note you struck there. :-)
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 11th, 2010 01:15 am (UTC)
Well, I'm glad you didn't read the other comments because then it would be too intelligent for me to answer with the cold I have right now. /fuzzy brain lol

I totally agree and understand exactly what you're saying. I'm a romantic sap like the next, but to me soulmates are never all encompassing. They are flawed and different yet balance each other out. And they healthiest relationships, have many other people to rely/confide on/to and not just their partner.

Or, I totally am off because of said cold and fuzzy brain and I'm typing more gibberish than usual. And please forgive any typos in this. Eyes are puffy/swollen/blurry and I can barely see this.

Jim gave me his cold. DAMN HIM! LOL
ruefullruefull on September 10th, 2010 11:27 am (UTC)
This is the best series ever. *g* Definitely the best with these two characters! Love the writing, love the pace, love the honesty between them all, just amazing!
Jude: st - pike/mccoymga1999 on September 11th, 2010 01:18 am (UTC)

Thank you! It has certainly been a labour of love for me, and I'm sure skyblue_reverie would agree.