Sky (skyblue_reverie) wrote,

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Trek Fic: But Never a Word He Said (Pike/McCoy, NC-17)

Title: But Never a Word He Said (Part 28 of To Talk of Many Things)
Authors: mga1999 and skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Pike/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Word Count: Around 4600
Summary: The further correspondence and journals of Christopher Pike and Leonard McCoy. Shore leave continues. :D
A/N: From skyblue_reverie: Do you lurve Bruce Greenwood? Of course you do! So prove it - go join bruce_greenwood and squee with us! mga1999 currently has nothing to say as her brain has been broken by the porn she is writing for you guys for a future chapter.

Click here for series masterlist with links to all prior parts

To: Leonard McCoy (
From: James Kirk (


I'm in Nepal! Went through downtown Kathmandu this morning and you'll never guess what I saw! You've been holding out on me, man! And you tell me I'm an exhibitionist. Next time, you should go further down the alley if you want to stay hidden.

The weather has been terrible. Torrential rains. Was holed up in a hut with some Tibetian monks for a couple of days during the worst of it. Shore leave has not been what I hoped for so far. Heading to Mt. Everest tomorrow. Thought a nice little day hike would do me some good.

Will send you a holo from the top!


To: James Kirk (
From: Leonard McCoy (


I've got something to tell you. Something important. I'd rather do it in person, or at the very least by vidcomm, but since you're staying in some hut in the godforsaken wilds of Nepal, I suppose it's too much to hope you've got access to one. But I know you have your communicator, so voice-comm me when you get this. I mean it, you infant.


Personal Journal of Christopher R. Pike

Thursday 2260.179

All right, I've had a nap, and I think I'm feeling a bit more -- Well, I'm not feeling like -- Hell, I can't even explain how I felt earlier. It still hasn't sunk in. I suppose I should expand on my earlier thoughts.

Re-reading my last entry, it came across like I might have regrets. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I will never forget the look on Len's face when I asked him. It wasn't just one, it was a multitude of emotions, starting with outright shock, then realization of what I'd said, and then -- Hell, I don't even know how to explain it. His mouth opened and shut and his eyes got wide and then I think he realized I was holding my breath waiting for his answer. I was probably turning blue. When the corner of his mouth turned up and his hand on my head gripped tighter and he uttered a simple 'yes' I felt like I was drowning in emotions.

Suddenly, I was the one opening my mouth and not able to say anything. I took a deep breath and sat up and was greeted by his beautiful smile. I grabbed his face and kissed him, cradling it. I pulled back and finally found my voice. I asked him if he was sure, and he laughed and said god yes, and -- I've never felt such pure joy. That's the only way to describe it. I kissed him again and grabbed his right hand. I told him that I hadn't planned this and that I was sorry -- Hell, I was stumbling over my own words at that point. I took the ring off his right hand, and moved it over to his left, kissing him, telling him that I love him, and that he makes me so happy, and how lucky I am. I'm sure there was more, and then he did the same thing with my ring. I told him when we get married, we'll get platinum bands to match our rings.

After that, I undressed him, it was desperate, but loving, as we stripped each other out of our clothes. Thank god he had the foresight to put the lube in the basket. I kissed him all over, drove him crazy teasing his nipples, and sucked him off while I fucked him with three fingers. Then I pushed his knees up and slid inside him, and claimed him as mine -- my fiancé -- under that tree where he lost his virginity so long ago. I took my time, needing to savor it. He eventually wrapped his legs around my back and I fucked him with deep steady strokes, taking my time, kissing him as we swallowed each other's moans. When I finally came, I was dizzy and shaking from the intensity. We held each other tightly for, god, it had to be fifteen minutes, just touching and kissing and whispering words of endearment.

We rinsed off in the stream, splashing water and laughing. We were euphoric. There was something freeing about being in the water listening to the wind. We used the blanket to dry off and then got dressed and trekked back to the house. I was pretty worn out, so he sent me up to nap after giving me a bruising kiss. That's when I wrote the earlier entry and then slept for a couple of hours.

I don't know what Len has been doing all this time, but I can smell something good cooking. I think I'll go take a shower and head downstairs.

We need to call my parents to tell them we're getting married.

Personal Journal of Leonard H. McCoy

Thursday 2260.179

Holy shit, Chris asked me to marry him. Well, sort of. It wasn't a question. More of a command.

Good lord, I never thought I'd go down this path again. Marriage, I mean. Putting my faith in forever with one person. Thought I was too jaded for that, or maybe too afraid of getting hurt again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, as my daddy used to say. But Chris... well, he's worth the risk.

He caught me by surprise, that's for damn sure. We were having a picnic down by the stream, and he'd drifted off to sleep with his head in my lap. I was reading. Then I looked down and his eyes were open, and he was looking at me. Don't know how long he'd been awake, just watching me. Our eyes met and his mouth opened, and he said "Marry me."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, his face locked down. Totally blank captain-face, giving nothing away. I was completely caught off-guard. For a split-second I thought maybe he was joking. But I know Chris, and he wouldn't joke about something like this. I also didn't think he'd ask like this. What I would've expected, if I'd ever thought about it, would be a carefully staged proposal. A fancy private dinner - something gourmet that he'd cooked, expensive champagne, him producing a black velvet box and then getting down on one knee and delivering a beautiful and well-rehearsed speech. Okay, maybe I have thought about it. Maybe too damn much. But in any case, I didn't expect it anytime soon, and I definitely didn't expect it while I was reading up on the recent outbreak of flesh-eating bacteria at the lunar colony.

The way his face blanked after he said the words, I think maybe he didn't expect it either. But somehow, I knew he meant it anyway, even if he hadn't planned it. And when I looked down at him, even with his poker face, I could tell he was scared -- actually scared that I would say no. So as soon as I found my voice, I said yes. Of course I said yes. The amount I love him is truly ridiculous -- in fact, it'd be downright embarrassing how much I love him if I didn't know for a fact that he feels the same way about me.

He actually looked surprised that I'd agreed, though. He sat up so quickly that he nearly smashed our heads together, and then he asked me if I was sure. As if I might take it back. Good god, he's adorable when he's insecure. I smiled and said, yes, I was sure, and then he grabbed me and kissed me like I might disappear any second. Then he was stuttering about something and pulling my ring off. I was about to protest but then I realized what he was doing, so I held still while he moved it to my left hand. Then I did the same for him. Gotta say, I like the way it feels there on my left ring finger. I like the way his looks on his left hand even more.

He made love to me under the tree. There's no doubt that he was the one in charge of that encounter, and dear lord, he took me apart completely. Made me lose all control. I was begging for his touch, babbling who knows what ridiculous nonsense while he worked me with his mouth and hands. Then I was flat on my back, and he was braced over me, fucking me deep and slow, the sunlight filtering through the leaves above him -- well, it's an image that's going to be engraved in my memory until the day I die.

After, we held each other. There was just enough of a breeze to cool us off, and the earth smelled dark and rich. It was perfect. We whispered like we were afraid to break the spell. He told me that he'd been waiting his whole life for someone who made him feel this way. I told him that I'd given up hope that I ever would, until I met him. There was more, sappy endearments and secret vows, but I'm not going to write about it. Some things are too personal even for a journal.

We cleaned up in the stream, and I saw a whole different side of Chris -- lighthearted, even playful. He splashed and laughed, and his face was practically radiating joy. I've never seen him like that before, but I'm going to make it my business to try to make him that happy, as often as I can, for the rest of our lives.

Now we're back at the house. He's upstairs napping, and I'm putting together some dinner. I commed Jim already. I hope he's not weird about it, because he's going to be my best man, whether he likes it or not.

As for how I feel about this -- I'm not sure it's really sunk in yet, to be honest. I think I'm still half-expecting to wake up. But I know I want this. I want forever with Chris, or as close to forever as I can get.

Now I can hear him running the shower upstairs. It's odd, how natural it feels already, the two of us living here together. Except that my heart's starting to beat a mile a minute at the prospect of seeing him again, as if I hadn't just seen him a couple damn hours ago. And on that insipid note, I'd better go make sure the biscuits aren't burning.

Personal Journal of Christopher R. Pike

Friday 2260.180

The sun is just coming up here on the farm. I'm sitting on the couch in the sun room. Just finished about an hour's worth of Starfleet business. Should be all done with that for today except for a few vidcomms I need to make to headquarters when it's not so early there. Talked to spacedock, though, and it looks like the Exeter will be repaired on time, or at least no more than a day off from our re-scheduled departure.

I also just did something I probably shouldn't have. I could say it's for Len, but that would be a lie, because I'm the one that wishes I could have gotten up and gone horseback riding this morning. So I sent a couple comms inquiring about acquiring a couple of Arabians for the farm here. It works perfectly -- I can have my Quarter horses in Mohave, and Arabians here. I'll have to hire someone to stay on full time here. Which actually is a good idea anyway. So I sent a few inquiries on that too. I'm pretty sure one of the outbuildings here used to be a guest house before it was gutted inside. It will be easy enough to have fixed up.

I'm surprised I woke up so early this morning. I was pretty tired last night. It was such an emotional afternoon and evening. After I showered, I went downstairs and found that Len had made a pot roast complete with vegetables and biscuits. I could tell he was a little anxious when I came down. Truthfully, I was too. It's not everyday you ask someone to marry you, especially since I didn't exactly plan it.

I'll admit, I'm still a bit rattled myself. Not that I haven't thought about marrying him before. We've openly talked about our future before, but both of us were too gun-shy to bring up the 'm' word. In fact, I think all I've said before was 'down the road when things are permanent' -- It's not like I haven't felt like this was permanent the last year anyway. I had planned on bringing it up with him sometime. I just didn't think this was the time. I wanted to be one hundred percent healthy again. I wanted more of our issues -- Well, not resolved, but maybe a bit more progress on them.

I'm not saying it's a mistake to be engaged now. It's not like we're getting married tomorrow. Thinking about it, in some ways I think it will help both of us with some of our lingering issues. We're learning to communicate. We've worked through difficult subjects, and I want to believe we're learning to compromise. I have to say that having the fight that we did in Florida -- Well, it might seem unusual, but having that fight and being able to talk about it and work through it quelled some of my fears. I'll admit I've been a little worried about both of our tempers -- Well, it's one thing to fight in letters, but I knew the real test would be what happens when we're together. It's a relief to know that while I'm not exactly proud of that fight, we both emerged relatively unscathed, and, I'm hoping, a little wiser because of it.

We had a wonderful dinner, and afterwards we commed my parents and then Annie and told them the news. My parents and my grandmother were thrilled. My mother cried, my grandmother, I think, has already started planning the wedding in her mind. Annie was pretty emotional too. We didn't talk to either of them long, but my mother said we need to 'talk' about all the headlines Len and I have been creating. Usually, I don't care, but I know it bothers Len more than he'll ever admit. The last round after we got caught in Atlanta was particularly harsh. Len mentioned that even Jim has seen the headlines. I have to hand it to Len, he's a smart man. He knew my mother wanted to talk to me privately to discuss it. He graciously excused himself to go clean up the kitchen.

My mother suggested we use one of her 'friends' in the press to issue a simple announcement that we're engaged. That should stop some of the more sensational headlines that have been going around. She has a point. If we take the 'speculation' away and give them a definitive answer, they'll run with it a few days and move on. Plus, we'll both be heading back to space so that will help too. I told her to go ahead, and she'll have someone run it at the last minute today so it will get lost in the weekend news.

We sat on the porch after that and watched the storm roll in, simply content to be next to each other. We didn't say much. I did explain to him what my mother was going to do later today. The only thing he wasn't happy about is that he wanted to be able to tell Jim first -- He said he understood, but I know he was a little upset about that. I told him hopefully Jim would comm him back sometime today so it would be a moot point.

When the wind started blowing rain inside, we put the auto-shutters down and went upstairs. I was pretty worn out. Len told me to get undressed and to lie on my stomach and I was too tired to argue. Not that I wanted to. He gave me a massage and god, I love his hands. He worked every knot of stress out of my neck and shoulders.

I have to point out something that I've noticed -- He is always so careful around the two spots on my back where I've had surgeries from the Narada. You can't see the scars, but he knows exactly where they should be. He always touches that area with a feather touch, and when he was done with my massage, he kissed those two spots first, and continued down my back.

I'm pretty sure he had every intention of fucking me when we went to bed, but after he kissed down my back, he moved up and curled up next to me, wrapping his arm around my back. We kissed lazily, both knowing it wasn't going any further. And for the first time in our relationship, we said 'I love you' to each other, him starting, at a time that wasn't during or after sex, or in a comm to each other. I have to admit, it felt right. Everything just feels so right. I'm almost afraid it won't last.

I'm not sure what we're going to do today. I need to send some comms to my bridge crew and a few friends at Starfleet to give them the news so they don't hear it from the press too. I really do hope Len is able to get in touch with Jim. He's been avoiding mentioning him to me, but I know they've been in contact. I can always tell -- Len just gets this look and gets especially edgy, I guess, is the best way to describe it. I can't say that I like it, but I'm trying to understand. I've stopped asking him about it, because he doesn't seem to want to talk to me about it anymore. I'm not sure what that means. I'm still tempted to comm Jim myself, but I promised Len I'd stay out of it, and I'll keep my word unless -- Well, honestly, I feel like I'm screwed in that respect. So I'm just going to stay out of it.

I really miss running. If I thought Len wouldn't have a stroke, I'd go and do that right now to clear my head. Instead, I think I'll go chop up some vegetables so I can make a nice omelet when Len wakes up.

To: James Kirk (
From: Leonard McCoy (


Call me, god damn it! I mean it. It's nothing bad, but I need to talk to you right away. And if you're actually climbing Everest, you damn well better be using proper safety gear. If you're not, I'm going to find out about it and kick your ass when I see you next.


Personal Journal of Leonard H. McCoy

Friday 2260.180

God damn it, I hope this isn't a mistake. Getting married, I mean.

It's not a mistake. I know it's not. I love Chris, and he loves me. Anything else, we can figure out. But damn it, I'm already starting to remember some of the less-pleasant aspects of being married. Chris is bound and determined to fix this place up. Not that I mind that in principle, but -- well, there's a reason I didn't ever have vidscreens put into this place. I don't want the newsnets or entertainment nets blaring at me every day. And Chris didn't even ask me first, he just ordered them and installed them. And he's so proud and happy, and it was such a generous gesture. I didn't say anything at the time, because how could I without seeming churlish? And now it's too late to say anything. Only, Chris is a news junkie, watches all the time, and it's driving me absolutely insane.

He also had some kind of high-tech security fence put up around the property to keep out reporters, and now he's talking more extensive renovations to the place, making a caretaker's cottage out of one of the outbuildings, and this morning he told me he's looking into getting some horses. I don't mind any of it, but... I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. I just feel like everything's happening a bit too fast for me to adjust to.

Then there was the talk with his folks to let them know we're getting married. At first it was all smiles and congratulations, and then his mother got down to business and started talking about how we're going to manage the press and which reporters to invite to the wedding, and said that of course she and Chris's father would be hosting an engagement party, and I think I practically fled the scene. I'm not a fan of the paparazzi, don't get me wrong, but I don't give a damn what they say and I really don't want to be involved in a PR campaign instead of a relationship, which is what this is starting to feel like.

Chris didn't even give me a chance to make sure that Jim knew about the engagement from me personally before he and his mother started their press campaign. I know Jim's been incommunicado, but surely the engagement announcement could wait another week -- by then Jim will be due back at Starfleet Headquarters and I could tell him in person. But Chris got this tight, pinched look when I brought it up and I could tell he was holding himself back from making a snippy remark about my relationship with Jim. I didn't want to fight, so I let it drop. But god damn it, I don't want that to set the pattern for our marriage -- him making decisions and me disagreeing but letting it go to avoid a fight. It's just, when we fight, neither of us wins, and we both end up hurting, and I hate that.

When it's just the two of us, and we don't have to worry about the outside world, good lord, it's more perfect than I could ever have imagined anything being. Sometimes I wish we could just live inside the little bubble that we create when we're alone together, and never come out again. But I know that isn't realistic, and hell, we'd both get bored after a while.

I know it comes down to compromise, learning to adjust to each other's needs and each other's foibles. And, in Chris's case, the passel of family that comes with him, and the baggage of fame and money. I know compromise isn't a bad thing, but it's not something I'm particularly good at, or that I much enjoy. He's worth it, though. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. We're worth it.

I think I need to get out of the house today. We'd talked about doing some fishing, and today would be a perfect day for it. I'm going to dig the gear out of storage, then see if Chris is done with his work and wants to get a lesson. At the very least, he can bring his comm padd and work outside while I'm fishing. Then we can have a nice romantic dinner together of fresh trout -- and I'm turning off the damn vidscreen.

Personal Journal of Christopher R. Pike

Friday 2260.180

Well, today was interesting. I think Len is upset with me. Or mad. I think -- Oh hell, I don't know what to think. I don't think we've ever spent a day together talking about more frivolous things. At one point we were talking about the correct way to cut a mango. This, while we were FISHING.

Yes, Len wanted to go fishing today. And since he seemed to be in a perturbed mood this morning, I easily agreed. I was grateful we went to a different spot in the stream than where I proposed -- I'm sure he did that on purpose. I don't know if that means something. I know we need to sit down and talk about it. But I need to finish wrapping my own head around it first. I know we're okay though. We'll be okay.

Our engagement announcement has hit the press by now. I think that's something he's not very happy about. And I'll admit, I didn't consider Len when I agreed with my mother's suggestion on how to skewer all the unfortunate press we've had since we've been earthside. I tried to explain to him how it would be better this way -- I know he wanted to say something, but he held himself back, probably not wanting to start a fight. Well, it's done. I don't want to sound harsh or uncaring, but it's something he's going to have to get used to.

The day wasn't all bad. It was cooler out because of the storm last night, but still pretty humid. I felt like we were both walking on eggshells around each other. He kept checking his comm all day -- Hell, I was probably an ass when he mentioned that he would have liked to have told Jim first before it's all over the news. He just doesn't realize they wouldn't let up.

I did enjoy fishing. He's a good teacher, more patient than I expected him to be. I caught one trout and he caught three. I wasn't quite used to wading through the water, and went down once or twice. The first time he was so concerned, but the second time he just laughed. God, I love his laugh. And then watching him sit there and debone and clean the fish by the stream -- I could get used to life here someday. It's so different than Mojave, with the trees and the water and so much open space. I imagine it's beautiful here in the fall, and I'm looking forward to seeing that someday. When we got back to the house, he threw the trout on the grill with some potatoes while I threw together a salad.

We sat in the formal dining room. I was trying -- I don't know what I was trying. But I lit old-fashioned candles and set the table. We had a nice dinner. We held hands, we smiled -- But something is off. Yesterday, we both seemed so settled and secure and today I feel like... Well at least for me, I'm feeling like -- I don't know, I guess 'unsettled' would describe how I'm feeling.

After dinner, another storm rolled in. I had some work to do which I finished before I started this entry. Len stayed for a few minutes, but when I commed Sato he excused himself. I heard the water turn on in the bathroom at the end of the hall a few minutes ago. I assume he's taking a bath in that clawfoot tub.

I think I'll go join him, and hopefully we can talk. I'm just not exactly sure where to start.

On to Part 28A
Tags: fic: trek, pairing: pike/mccoy, series: to talk of many things
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