Authors: mga1999 and skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Pike/McCoy
Word Count: around 5500
Summary: The further correspondence of Leonard McCoy and Christopher Pike. Klingons and Romulans and Charlie X, oh my.
A/N: From skyblue_reverie: I'll be out of town for the next few days so might be slow answering comments - apologies in advance! From mga1999: Next section: SHORE LEAVE. But not like you'd expect.
Click here for series masterlist with links to all prior parts
To: Christopher Pike (firstname.lastname@example.org)
From: Leonard McCoy (email@example.com)
God, darlin', that poem is beautiful. I've never been big on poetry - always thought it was kind of, I don't know, high-flown, or difficult for regular people to understand. But that one, well, I read it and I know exactly what the poet's talking about. I can't even tell you how honored I am that you feel that way about me. I hope you know that I feel the exact same way about you too, Chris. I've always wanted that kind of love - a oneness, almost. After the divorce and all, well, I'd begun to think it didn't exist. Now that we've found each other, I know better.
A month left until I can see you, hold you, hear your voice and smell your incredible scent again. I know the month will go fast, but right at this moment, it seems endless. You're right, you know, when you said that I'd say that it doesn't matter if we don't have marathon sex, that it just matters that we're together. All I really want is to touch you. I wasn't kidding in my last comm when I said that I don't want your hands to leave me. I don't mean sexually. I just mean - well, if we're out, I want you to keep your hand on the small of my back, like you do sometimes, or touch my hand or my shoulder. I like it when we're sitting or laying together in bed and you run your fingers through my hair. I'm a tactile person, Chris. I'm gonna need to touch you and be touched by you to convince myself that we're really together, that it's not just another one of my daydreams.
As for the sex - as much or as little as we have, whether we've got enough energy to draw it out for hours or not - I don't care. I just want you inside me, and I want to be inside of you. I want to make love to you in the antique bed in the master bedroom at the place in Georgia, just like you said. I want to use my hands and my mouth and my cock to take you apart, slow and sweet, until you give me everything you are, and then that old house will know in its bones that you've been claimed by a McCoy, and that you belong there every bit as much as I do.
Eventually, darlin', I want to re-christen every room - hell, every square inch - of that house, make it ours, replace old painful memories with new ones of you and me, laughing and gasping and crying out each other's names. But it doesn't have to be this trip. We've got time, Chris. We've got all the time in the world.
Of course I'll spend the night on the Exeter with you. I love knowing that I've left my scent on your bed, and all over the Captain's quarters on your ship. I'd really like to do the same with my quarters on the Enterprise, if there's time. If not, then some other shore leave. And for you to say that being out in deep space doesn't hold the appeal of being with me - good lord, Chris. That's an amazing compliment. Thank you for saying that, darlin'. I might not be much of one for space exploration, but I know you love it - no, you need it, the way I need to be a healer. I'm just sorry that circumstances have forced us to choose between our callings and each other, at least for now.
Speaking of your calling, I had to chuckle - just a little, I promise - when you made the analogy to what I said being like me hitting your warp core. Chris, you are a starship captain, through and through. That's not a complaint, you understand. I love the way you are. It just boggles my mind how different we are sometimes. But I do get what you're saying, and I'm sorry that I hit such a vulnerable spot. I understand that you need time to know that it won't happen again. I'll try my best to be patient.
I think of all the things about meeting your family, the one I'm most looking forward to is getting to see holos of you as a child and hear about your younger years. I hope your parents like telling stories because I'm never going to get tired of hearing about the adventures of little Christopher. By the way - good lord, it's been a long time since I've done the whole "meeting the parents" business - is there anything I need to know in advance? Political topics that I shouldn't bring up? Issues to avoid mentioning at all costs so I don't start a family war? I know for my family, when we'd go visit distant cousins and so forth, it was always a minefield of things you couldn't talk about, and they were always the most innocuous subjects. So make sure you clue me in ahead of time so I don't put my foot in my mouth too badly, all right?
I'm glad your cold's almost gone, and that someone's making you chicken soup, even if it can't be me. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm thrilled that you and Sato are getting so close, but I do understand it. It's not that I don't trust you or that I think anything is going to happen between you two. I just wish it could be me there spending time with you instead, but I know it can't. It's like Jim and that hobgoblin. There's a bond between a starship captain and a first officer. You two have to rely on each other in tight spots, know that you've got each other's backs, and a split second's hesitation can mean the difference between life and death. Your mentoring her will make her a better first officer, and someday that might save your life; how could I ever complain about that?
Does sound like she's leading your chief engineer and your helmsman a merry chase, and I hope that the fallout doesn't end up affecting your crew's morale. But, of course, you're fully capable of handling whatever happens. I think you're the most relentlessly competent person I've never known. Disaster would hardly dare to strike around you because it knows it'd get its ass thoroughly kicked.
Speaking of captains, first officers, and crew morale, Jim and I are hardly talking these days outside of our professional capacities. I don't know what crawled up his ass and died and honestly right now I can't bring myself to care. I've tried everything, and I mean everything, short of torture and truth serum, to get him to talk to me, and he won't. So he can just spend all his time with his new best Vulcan buddy for all I care.
As I mentioned before, Lt. Uhura's not too pleased about it either. She's been taking out her aggressions on me by wiping the floor with me on a regular basis in practice sparring matches. She is a fierce fighter, Chris. She's also a fantastic teacher, and I'm getting much better at self-defense. I'll never really enjoy fighting or causing physical damage, but she's focusing on teaching me defensive moves, so it's not too bad.
I eat most of my meals with Christine and Nyota these days. I think we're actually getting to be friends. Nyota asked me how I could stand to be around Jim voluntarily. I asked her how she could stand to be around Spock voluntarily, and she laughed. I think we understand each other. I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear, by the way, that she fully approves of you and of our relationship. She said that when she was a cadet, she'd done extensive research on the postings that were going to be coming available when she graduated, and that serving under you was hands down her number one choice.
Of course it's all right not to dredge up the details about past relationships. I didn't mean to ask for names and dates, just wanted to know if heartbreaker and perennial eligible bachelor Chris Pike had ever had his heart broken. Not that I'm glad that you have, but - I don't know, I guess it's a pretty universal human experience. I think it's probably a good one to have, in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes a little suffering's good for the soul.
Can I just say, darlin', how good it is to hear you sounding like yourself again? With this last comm - I don't know how to describe it, but it's like the old Christopher Pike is back. You sound sure of yourself, you sound like you know what you want and exactly how you're going to get it. I'm explaining badly, but god damn, it's a relief to hear you sounding so good, not tentative like you had been. I'm guessing it feels pretty damn good too. Your crystal's been getting back to its usual green with yellow swirls, meaning you're busy and content. I like to see that.
Well, I think that's about it for now. I'm going to go to bed, and when I wake up it'll be a day closer to when I get to see you. I don't have a poem for you, but just know that you're in my heart and you always will be.
To: Leonard McCoy (firstname.lastname@example.org)
From: Christopher Pike (email@example.com)
I'm glad you liked the poem. I think at some point I'll have it printed and framed with a picture of us at the top. Maybe one for each of us to put in our quarters. God, I had to stop a minute after I typed that because all of a sudden I felt like that 'sappy old man' again and it was -- Well, it felt damn good. Now, I don't want you to think I'm still not struggling, because I am. More than I want to say. But I think just admitting what was going on, and getting it out not just to you, but to Dr. Rossen too -- Well, it's helped some.
There are still mornings I wake up with my heart pounding, feeling absolute panic, and some nights where I can't sleep, or have nightmares. I'm sure a lot of it is still PTSD-related, so I'm trying to just -- Well, I've been trying some meditation techniques that Dr. Rossen suggested I try whenever I'm feeling particularly panicked. Not sure if they are helping, but I will say that my heart rate slows a lot faster when I do, so that has to count for something.
Physically, I'm still struggling some. The cold at least is gone, but the damn fatigue -- It just lingers. Philip keeps telling me it's normal, and I'm trying -- well, that's a lie. I'm impatient and if you've looked at the crystal lately, I'm sure it shows I'm quite irritated. Of course, the Romulans and Klingons are playing games with each other out here, so that's not helping. They have a tendancy to provoke each other while I'm napping or sleeping. It doesn't matter what shift I'm on as I've been switching around the last week now. Daytime, nighttime, they don't seem to care. I swear to God, Len there are times where I want to -- Well, let me just say it would put a quick end to my Starfleet career if I do what I've been thinking half the time lately.
I don't think I've ever needed shore leave more than I do right now. Of course, mostly because I want to see you, but truthfully, I'm not handling the stress well right now, which -- Well, that's not a good thing. Usually I'm at my best in stressful situations, I thrive under it. Physically though, it's wearing on me. My blood pressure is up, and coupled with everything else... Let's just say I'm really looking forward to a nice lazy week in Georgia. I almost wish we didn't have any other commitments so we could just go there as soon as we're both done with our briefings and meetings.
Now, as for Jim -- Well, I have half a notion to comm him and give him a piece of my mind. Don't even try to pretend like you don't care; I know it's bothering you more than you even want to admit to yourself. I'm sorry, Len. Maybe we should both corner him at home before he takes off. Between the two of us, maybe he'll tell us what the hell is going on. I have a feeling it won't work though. If he's not talking to you, he's certainly not going to -- Well, let's just say that I don't see him confiding in me over you. He would never do that. Which is why I honestly don't understand what's going on with him. I'm really starting to worry, Len. So much that I have thought, if you want me to try it -- I know Spock quite well, and since he's spending so much time with Jim, if you'd like, I could ask him if he has any idea what's going on. Or if he's concerned. Spock might be many things, but he's very astute at picking things like that up. I'll be glad to ask. We comm each other once in awhile, but as you can guess, his comms rarely fall into personal things with the exception of a mention here and there of Nyota. Let me know what you think.
I'm glad you are socializing with Christine and Nyota. I'm also glad you're sparring with Nyota. I know you're a healer and you don't like fighting, but I feel better knowing that you'll be able to better defend yourself if you have to. I honestly don't know Nyota at all, but she must be something to have gotten through to Spock. I've been told she's pretty feisty. I'm surprised since Jim is monopolizing so much of her boyfriend's time, that she hasn't -- Well, I would think she'd have told Jim off by now. I'm assuming her profesionalism is the only thing that's kept Jim from -- Well, let's just say there was someone at the academy that walked crooked for a few days after she kicked him in the balls for something she didn't like.
I have to say, I wasn't sure how you'd take what I said about Commander Sato. I'm relieved, in fact, but you're right. We're a better team now for spending time together and me mentoring her. As far as the merry chase, well, I think what happened is my Chief Engineer wanted to get more serious than she was ready for. I think 'spooked' is the right word, so she's broadening her horizons, so to speak. She's young; she's a lot like me at that age, and completely commitment-phobic.
As far as anything you should stay away from with my parents -- Well, Terra Prime would be one of them with my father. Some of his colleagues were killed in one of their bombings, so that's always a touchy subject with him. It certainly wouldn't help for him to know that some of your family were members. However, he is a very fair man, and wouldn't hold things your family did against you. It's just best not to introduce the topic. Otherwise, I think you two will have a lot in common. Like you, he feels Starfleet should spend more time helping planets that may not be of benefit to the Federation, rather than kissing the asses of ones that can. He and I have reached somewhat middle ground on that issue, although I promise you, he will bring up my loyalty to the Federation and what a good ass-kisser I am. Just watch.
My mother, God bless her, she's just a gem. I honestly can't think of anything you need to be careful of with her. Now, my grandmother, well, if you think we speak our mind, Len, she takes it to another level. So be careful, she's a wily one, her mind is still sharp as a pin, and I swear she can get anything out of anyone. Most of the time without them even realizing what they've said. In fact, it's too bad that Jim declined my invitation, because I bet if we put him in a room alone with her, in two minutes we'd know what the hell is going on.
We will definitely try to make it up to the Enterprise for a night. I'm sorry that I didn't even think about that before. Of course you want me in your bed. Just like I want you in mine. I really need to learn to be more mindful about things like that. I'm just so -- Well, I think you probably know I can be pretty selfish in some ways. I think about myself first, sometimes to a fault. That's one of the things I'm working hard on with Dr. Elliot. Recognizing that my actions aren't entirely my own anymore. I have to take yours into consideration, and I'm telling you, Len, that's not easy for me. That falls right in with my possessiveness. The need to be in complete control. Of course, we both know that's an illusion, but I'm used to just looking out for myself and not considering how that will affect my partner -- You.
Damn, it's 0200 and I have alpha shift in the morning. I should try to get some sleep. I slept almost fourteen hours yesterday, but I guess I needed it. Trouble is, then I don't sleep well, if at all, for a day or two, and then I crash the third or fourth night. Philip wants me to take a sleeping remedy -- Well, you know how I feel about those, so I've declined. I promise if it doesn't get any better in the next week or so, I will. If only so I can be as rested as possible when I see you.
I'm sorry I'm not -- Well, I'm just not feeling much right now if that makes sense. I'm feeling numb. Don't feel like jerking off, don't feel -- Well, I'm just kind of not feeling much of anything at the moment. I think I'm just worn out, Len. As happy as I am to be on the road to recovery, there is part of me that wonders -- God, I almost wish I'd resigned, Len. Right now I just don't feel up to anything. Don't worry, I'm sure tomorrow I'll feel differently. That's the way I've been lately, back and forth. I'm just sorry you're caught in it.
I love you, Len. Three weeks and I'll be in your arms. God, that sounds incredible. Hopefully that will put a rest to the little voice in my brain and the self-doubt I'm still having.
To: Christopher Pike (firstname.lastname@example.org)
From: Leonard McCoy (email@example.com)
Sorry it's been so long since I've written. Never a dull moment around here, that's for sure. We all had a pretty narrow escape just the other day.
We were doing our normal explore-and-map stuff about a week ago, when we read a humanoid life sign on the surface of a planet. Just the one. Turned out to be a 17-year-old human male, Charles Evans, who'd been marooned there since he was a toddler, no contact with any other humanoids whatsoever. He was raised by the other inhabitants of that planet, which were some kind of incorporeal beings with tremendous psychic powers. Which they gave to Charlie. Not knowing that, we took him onboard.
Jim dumped him on me, said I was in the best position to take care of him and "guide" him, whatever that means, until we reached civilization. He was a bright kid, Chris, and eager to please - at least at first. He - oh, hell, Chris - he developed a crush on me. Well, more of a fixation, actually. He'd never been around another human being, and when you take the fact that I was the first person he spent any significant time around, combined with the rush of adolescent hormones and nearly unlimited psychic abilities - well, it was a goddamn disaster, and seriously frightening to boot.
It started small, just little things he'd do to try to get my attention, and getting mad at anyone else who needed any of my time. Then he started getting handsy with me and I told him to knock it off. He grabbed me and tried to kiss me, and I used one of the self-defense moves that I'd been practicing. That's when it started getting scary. He got violent - throwing things around, knocking people out when they tried to stop him. He said that he wanted me, and he wanted me forever. I told him I was already in a relationship with someone who I loved very much, and so I couldn't be with him. Not that I would've been interested anyway, seeing as how he was a psychotic two-year-old in a teenager's body, but that didn't seem like the wisest thing to say.
He asked me who it was, the person I was with. Pretty obvious his intent wasn't to shake their hand and wish them the best. I wouldn't spill. Of course, it was pretty much like telling someone not to think of a pink elephant - naturally your name and face were foremost in my mind once he asked that question, and he got the information right out of my brain. I purely hate psychic powers. Anyway, he projected his voice throughout the ship and said that Christopher Pike had five minutes to get to sickbay or he'd start killing people. Guess he didn't look closely enough into my brain to know that you were on the other side of the galaxy. Only time I've been so goddamn grateful for that fact.
Long story short, Jim somehow managed to get the ship's power system to overload the kid's brain. Completely fried his synapses. We were just debating what to do when his people showed up - the ones who'd raised him. They took him back to their planet, said that they could heal him and that they'd keep a short leash on him. That kid's going to have no kind of life, never interacting with any of his own kind, but the alternative is far worse. He's not fit for humanoid society. The whole thing's damn tragic, if you ask me.
To tell the truth, I'm a bit spooked. I half expect him to show up at any moment, tell me again that we're meant to be together, and drag me off somewhere no one will ever be able to find me. I think Christine and Nyota are tag-teaming me, not leaving me alone for a moment that I'm not in my quarters. It's sweet. Aggravating, but sweet. I can tell Jim feels guilty for having dumped the kid on me in the first place - he's said he's sorry at least half a dozen times. Jim. Who does not apologize, ever. Anyway, we'll see, but maybe things are getting better between us. Who knows. But Chris - please don't talk to Spock or do anything else. If Jim got wind of it - and he would, because somehow he always does - it would only make things worse. I can't believe that I of all people am about to say this, but sometimes trying to fix things only makes the situation go downhill, and you've got to just be patient and wait it out. So I'm asking you to trust me on this one, and just leave it alone for now, all right?
I'm sorry you're feeling numb, and fatigued. I guess that's another one that just needs time - time, and for us to see each other. Less than two weeks now. In fact, you should be arriving back home in only a few days. I'll rest easier when you're back on earth - just knowing that you're safe will be a weight off my mind. Yeah, I know that no one's ever really safe and even on earth, shit happens, but it makes me goddamn nervous with you out there stuck between trigger-happy Klingons and Romulans.
I miss you, Chris. I need to see you and touch you and kiss you. I need to know that you're all right, and more than that, I need to know that we're all right. I love you.
To: Leonard McCoy (firstname.lastname@example.org)
From: Christopher Pike (email@example.com)
God, Len. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. After I got your comm, I pulled up the reports on the Charles Evans incident. Scared me to death. Part of me wants to wring Jim's neck for putting you in danger. What the hell was he thinking? And yeah, I know, I know, in a situation like that, it's regulation to have someone from medical in charge of a minor's care until he can be turned over to authorities, but after he became violent -- You should not have had to deal with any of that, Len. Jim was being a first-rate ass for taking advantage of you like that.
Speaking of Jim, I talked to Richard the other day and he mentioned that Jim sent a comm requesting a private meeting with him once the Enterprise arrives back home. He was curious what it was about, concerned even, and asked me what I knew. As much as I wanted to tell him I was worried about Jim, I didn't. Partially because right now I'm a little pissed at him. I simply told him that I didn't have any idea what it could be about -- Which is the truth. I just thought I'd give you a heads up about it.
I'm not sure what else to say. This is one of those times where I hate that we are so far apart -- Heck, that we are apart period. Remember when I said I'd be okay with us being apart like this? Well, I don't exactly feel like that anymore. In some ways, that makes me feel good about us -- About our relationship, and helps with the self-doubt I'm having. In other ways, I know there isn't an easy answer. I certainly don't want to give up my job, and I know you belong where you are too. God, Len. To think that kid, that psychopath could have easily taken you away from me? I didn't sleep last night thinking about it.
And no, my sleep hasn't gotten any better. I know it's just stress. I'm worried about you and Jim and what's going to happen when I see you. I just cannot shut my mind off at night. And when I do manage to fall asleep, I have nightmares about everything from things that have happened in my past to ridiculous things that make no sense at all. I let Philip give me something to help me sleep the other night, and it made it worse. He wants to try other things, but I told him no. I think my body is just so off-kilter from everything -- I will definitely be seeing my acupuncturist as soon as I get home. I know that will help. I actually might look into bringing someone on board that can do that for me, especially if I'm going to be out in deep space for so long.
Not sure what else to say. I still am feeling numb. My sex drive is non-existent again. I know I can blame that on fatigue. I'm just really looking forward to this shore leave, Len. I've asked Richard to schedule as many of my briefings/meetings as he can for my first two days back. I want it done. Then I want to just relax and do nothing until you arrive. I may go home to Mojave for a couple of days, just -- well, to see if the desert helps.
I've given my command crews a lot of responsibility for getting the Exeter launch-ready again. Of course I will oversee it all, but I think it's a good learning experience for them, and for me, learning to delegate. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. You may have to wrestle a padd or three away from me during shore leave and remind me they can handle it. It's all evenly divided so they will each get ten full days of non-working leave. I'm still feeling a bit guilty about it, though. Honestly, Len, I usually spend most of my shore leaves 'working,' whether I'm home in San Francisco or Mojave. So you might have to be a little patient with me. Just a warning.
In news out here, the Romulan ship fired on one of the Klingon warbirds two days ago. Didn't hit it, luckily. I honestly don't think they were really trying. The Klingons, surprisingly, didn't retaliate -- yet, anyway. Tension is just getting higher and higher, though. I suggested to Richard that they need more than two ships out here if that's going to continue. And yes, I'd say that even if it were another ship than the Enterprise due out here for the next rotation. It does help knowing one of my sister ships is a few minutes away at warp on the other end, but there's too much damn space out here to cover now with tensions so high and so many other ships having to pass through. Something is going to happen soon, and it's not going to be anything good.
Annie told me everything at the Georgia house is almost done. I can't wait until you can see it, Len. She's sent me the before and after pictures, and I was going to send them, but frankly, I want to be there to see the look on your face. I hope you know how truly happy it has made me to be able to do this for you -- for us. It really is a beautiful home, Len. I feel honored that I am somehow now a part of that and that I get to share it with you. Truly.
Well, honey, I'm due on the bridge for Alpha in thirty minutes. No, I haven't slept. So I'm going to grab a shower and drink a few dozen cups of coffee and get to work. I'm working a split shift, so hopefully I can get a couple hours of sleep in between.
I love you. Please, take care of yourself. I wish I was there to hold you right now.
To: Leonard McCoy (firstname.lastname@example.org)
From: Christopher Pike (email@example.com)
Well, remember when I said something was going to happen our here soon and it wasn't going to be good? It did, and the Exeter is currently limping to a nearby starbase to eventually get towed home. I just wanted to give you a heads up, because I'm sure Jim will be getting a report of the firefight out here anytime. I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay. The ship isn't, and I lost some crewmembers, but it could have been a heck of a lot worse. I don't have time to go into details now; it just happened a few hours ago, but I knew you'd hear and I wanted this comm to reach you as soon as possible after you did.
Logistically, this is going to completely screw up shore leave. We won't make it back to earth for at least a week. I'm sending Philip ahead as soon as we get to the starbase so he won't miss the wedding, but at this point I'm not even sure I'll be back before you arrive. I'll do my best though, and I'll keep you informed as soon as I know more.
Really, I'm fine. I'll see you soon.
I love you, Len.
On to next part