Sky (skyblue_reverie) wrote,

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Trek Fic: Such Quantities of Sand (Pike/McCoy, PG)

Title: Such Quantities of Sand (Part 17 of To Talk of Many Things)
Authors: mga1999 and skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Pike/McCoy
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Word Count: around 6200
Summary: You know the drill: the further correspondence of Leonard McCoy and Christopher Pike. And Jim.
A/N: From skyblue_reverie: My bb boy is the cutest, smartest little thing EVAR. That's apropos of absolutely NOTHING, but I just felt the need to say it. I'm such a stereotypical proud mama. :p From mga1999: Sorry for the delay on this one. Life BITES.

Click here for series masterlist with links to all prior parts

To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (

Dear Len,

God, it's been a long week. Yes, I'm back on duty. Full time. Beta shift. It feels fantastic. We're currently finishing up laying some sensor arrays along three of the systems borders to better alert to pirates in the future. Our replacement ship will be here next week, and we'll spend a week with its commander briefing them and then we'll re-supply at the starbase and head to the neutral zone. All in all, despite the time I missed, it's been a complete success out here. I couldn't be more proud of my crew. I'm recommending all of my command team for commendations when we're earthside in June, three of them especially, led by Sato. Despite our rough start, we've really become a cohesive team, along with my other two command reserves.

I've been making sure to get up early enough to eat in the mess with alpha shift. Then I've been hitting the gym for p.t. and a workout and then eat again with beta before I start. Most days, I've been hitting the mess at least once during dinner. I've been using lunch to catch up on paperwork. Commander Sato was kind enough to leave me a ton of it, not sure how much else I'd be up to doing when I got back. I don't mind at all. It's helping me get my mind back where it should be. But don't worry, I've been having a yeoman bring my lunch to me.

After shift, I've been hitting the gym to swim laps. I'm finding that doesn't tire me out as much as the treadmill for some reason. Then it's more paperwork, answering comms, and then bed. I've been taking Sundays off almost completely, though, except for swimming and an hour or two of paperwork. I spend most of it in the common areas, trying to be available for my crew. Have a few games of chess going with several crewmembers, another good thing to get my mind back in the game.

So yeah, that's my life at the moment. Honestly, that's about all I can handle right now. I'm still sleeping more than I usually do. Philip says that will probably continue another three or four months, so I'm warning you now, I'll probably need a lot of sleep when I'm earthside with you, especially after you tire me out in bed.

Speaking of June. I sent Annie all the information and she's already been in contact with your parents' estate attorney. She's already planning a trip out there next month to take a look to make sure there aren't any major repairs that need to be done, so she can hire people to take care of that if needed. I already paid for her shuttle ticket to do that, and she'll put any expenses on the line of credit account I have set up for her. After I did it, I thought, fuck, this is probably one of those things I should have asked you first. I warned you I'm like this. I just do things without thinking sometime. If it's not okay, I promise I won't take offense if you want me to change her plans. I thought it was just something that I could take care of for you. I'm thinking we should see about hiring a caretaker too at some point. Again, if I'm overstepping my bounds, just let me know. I just want to make this as easy as possible for you, Len. I know it's not going to be easy for you to face, and I just thought -- Well, I just want to help.

As far as my ranch, yeah, I definitely want you to see it. I know the Exeter isn't getting holiday leave this year. We're heading out to deep space after shore leave. From July to January we're going to be mapping so far out it's going to take almost two weeks to get there. I don't even want to think how long our comms are going to take or if we'll even be able to at all. I'm thinking not, but since we're going to be out so long, I'm requesting we set up a relay station on the edge. I'm sure they will grant it. They usually do if you're out for more than forty five days. That thirty you were out of range with the Enterprise was just unbearable.

But yeah, I'm assuming we'll get some kind of shore leave in January or February when we get back. It might not be on earth though, but hopefully we can figure out a way to see each other then. I looked to see if the Enterprise's new mission plan had been posted yet for after shore leave, but it hasn't. Since you're getting back a week later than us, I'm assuming it should be up anytime now. Ours was just finalized two days ago. So I'll let you know when I see it.

I got all choked up at you adding me to your will. I did tell you I already added you to mine, right? My mind still is unclear on some things and I'm too tired to search my old comms. Right now, the ranch is set to go to Annie if anything happens to me, only because, well, she loves it and she's been so good about taking care of it for the last fifteen years after her husband passed. They never had kids, so that ranch and those animals have been her 'babies' all this time. You should know though, that I have substantial assets, and when I revised everything last year, it's pretty evenly divided up to you, Jim, my godchildren, and a salary and a credit line for Annie to run the ranch for the rest of her life. So just so you know, that's where that stands. Again, I can't remember if we talked about this or not, so let me know if any of this is an issue.

I think what Dr. Elliott was referring to as 'life changing' was my continued thoughts that I would resign. I don't think you realize how close I was to doing that, Len. I had actually sent Admiral Barnett a resignation letter at one point. He convinced me to give it another few months' consideration. I actually argued with him, but he refused to accept it. He said he'd date it effective three months from the time I sent it. That three months was up yesterday. I'm so glad he made me do that, to give it more time. Not that he wasn't smug about it when he commed me to see what I wanted him to do with it. Bastard.

I think everything is smoothed over with Jim and the admiralty. I asked Richard about it when he commed me a couple days ago, and he told me not to worry about it. He didn't elaborate, but if he says not to worry about it, that's as good as saying Jim has nothing to worry about. I had to chuckle about you talking about Jim and I taking over the federation. The crew just watched the classic Star Wars trilogy and I was reminded of Darth Vader asking Luke to join him so they could rule the galaxy together. For one thing, I would never do it, just on the amount of paperwork alone it would probably involve.

The rumors on the Enterprise continue to amuse me. I don't know if it's because it's my ship that I don't hear any here, or what. I'm sure there are plenty around here. Commander Sato did ask me about the crystal once that was lying on my desk in my quarters when we were having a meeting one night. This was awhile ago, I don't remember exactly when. And I gave her my best grin and told her it was so you could keep an eye on me and that it was supposed to put a curse on anyone that dared to try to break our commitment. Did I mention she stopped wearing the 'dress' anytime she came to my quarters after that? If she forgot we were meeting, she always changed into pants first. I found that more than amusing.

Well, I'd better wrap this up. We're having a party on the observation deck for our Chief Engineer who's turning fifty tomorrow. And in case you were wondering, yes, he and Sato are still fucking. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were getting serious.

Let me know how you're doing, honey. I miss you.

Love you!


To: James Kirk (
From: Christopher Pike (

Dear Jim,

Haven't heard from you in awhile and just wanted to see how you were doing. I'm doing pretty fantastic. Feeling like a new man. Back on duty full time, getting things wrapped up in this sector before we head to the neutral zone for two months.

Looking forward to being earthside in June. Len and I have made a lot of plans, but I want to make sure I get to see you while I'm there other than at command meetings and briefings. The best time would be the weekend the Enterprise arrives, before you start debriefing on Monday. I have a wedding to attend on Saturday, but let me know what's good for you that weekend. Maybe we could even play that game of chess. Len and I will be leaving for the east coast on Monday or Tuesday, after he's done debriefing, to see my parents and then we're going to his place in Georgia. I will probably be back a couple days before the Exeter leaves though, so if that is better for you, just let me know.

Speaking of visiting my parents, that Friday night, we're celebrating my parents' fifty-fifth wedding anniversary. I would love for you to come and meet them. I've told them a lot about you over the years. I know the entire family would be thrilled to meet you too. So think about it and let me know.

Take care of yourself, son, and let me know what you're up to.


To: Christopher Pike (
From: James Kirk (

Dear Chris,

Yeah, sorry I haven't written lately. Been busy and I swear the paperwork involved in charting new territories... well, you know. Have been playing a lot of chess with Spock in my spare time. Can beat him half the time now, so that's been taking up most of my free time. It really helps me to de-stress though, those matches with him.

Not sure I'm going to be around much during shore leave. I plan on doing my debriefings and taking off, maybe to India or Southeast Asia or somewhere I can be alone and get lost and not have anyone recognize me. If anywhere on earth like that even exists anymore. Maybe we can do something that first weekend on Sunday morning. Otherwise, as soon as I'm done with Starfleet that week, I'm outta there. Just me and my motorbike and whatever dirt road I can find in the middle of nowhere.

Thank you for inviting me to your parents' anniversary party, but I'm hoping to be done with Starfleet by Wednesday at the latest and then I'm taking a one-way shuttle to the most desolate port I can find. I feel honored you asked me, sir. Give your parents my regards.

I'm glad to hear you sounding so good, sir. It's a huge relief to me. I'd wish you good luck in the neutral zone, but I know you know what you're doing.

Take care,

To: Christopher Pike (
From: Leonard McCoy (

Dear Chris,

You'd asked how I'm doing. The truth is, I'm having a tough time. I'm - I don't know, I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I miss you, Chris. Being apart from you is even harder than I thought it'd be, and ever since our fight... it feels different between us. It feels awkward and distant, like we're walking on eggshells with each other, and I hate it. It's me as much as you - your letters seem a little more factual than they were before, less emotional, but I've been afraid to say something because I know you don't like it when I seek reassurance, or make you say the words over and over instead of trusting that we're all right.

And Jim's not himself. I sat him down and told him that I didn't know what on earth I'd done to offend him, but could he please just tell me what it was or take a swing at me or something so we could go back to being friends already? And since then - it's as if on the surface, things are back to how they were. He spends time with me. He jokes around with me. But Chris - it's like he's not there at all. I don't know if I can explain this, but he has this way of hiding in plain sight when he wants to. I'm getting the facade he shows the world, not the real Jim, and that's never happened with us before. But then I think, with everything going on, maybe I'm imagining things. Maybe it just needs time.

I don't have a lot of people in my life, Chris. You and Jim are pretty much the only ones that matter to me, and right now I feel like there's this horrible awkward distance with both of you that no one wants to admit to or talk about. I'm lonely, and it hurts. Anyway, please know that I'm not saying all this to make you feel guilty or to pressure you into saying something you don't want to say. And now, that's enough self-pity.

I'm really happy for you, darlin', that you're getting back to a routine and feeling so good. Good lord, Chris, I had no idea you were so seriously considering giving up your command. I know that your command means more to you than anything, and I'm sorry that I wasn't being more supportive, so you could've felt you had me to talk to about it. I owe Admiral Barnett my thanks, both for backing Jim, and for refusing to accept your resignation.

I'm imagining you swimming laps in the ship's pool, and damn, Chris, that's an image to give a man good dreams. On a medical level, that's a great form of exercise that's not too hard on your body. On a personal level, it's probably a good thing I'm not there to watch or you wouldn't even make it through one lap before I'd jump you. When we're earthside together, you sleep as much as you need, darlin'. I'll try not to tire you out too much, but no promises.

If it hasn't rotted away, there's a double hammock out in a really peaceful spot by the stream on my property. I'd love to spend some time in it with you, just holding you while you nap, feeling the breezes go by. Used to be one of my favorite spots for daydreaming as a boy.

Speaking of my property, the arrangements you've made sound perfect, Chris. Let me pay you back for anything you've spent, though, okay? I hate that kind of logistical planning, so anytime you want to take that kind of thing off my hands, you'll get no complaints from me.

You'd mentioned before that you'd made arrangements for the apartment to be mine if anything happened, but I don't think you mentioned the rest of the will. I'm touched, Chris, I really am. Of course Annie should get your ranch. I'm looking forward to meeting her. Hope she won't be too offended when I kick her out shortly after we arrive so I can have you all to myself, though.

The Star Wars movies, eh? Here's where I have to admit to being a philistine and say I've never seen them. Jim's constantly after me to watch them, but I figure, I spend every day actually traveling through space and quite a few of those days dealing with evil empires - why on earth would I want to spend my free time watching some centuries-old made-up version? If it's important to you, though, I'm sure I could be persuaded. Just so you know, I accept home-cooked meals and blowjobs as currency.

I'll be really relieved if they do set up a relay station when you head out into deep space. That thirty days was no fun on my side either, and I don't really want to do that again anytime soon, or ever, if at all possible. If we can meet up for shore leave in January or February that'll be great. I guess we'll see when it gets closer.

So we got our mission plan for after this upcoming shore leave - we're going to be patrolling the neutral zone almost the whole time. The Enterprise was built for exploration, but after losing so many ships, I guess they've got to curtail those plans a bit and worry about defending the home front. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Jim's disappointed, but he understands the practicalities. As much as anything else, the Enterprise is a symbol, and it makes people feel better to have it between them and the federation's enemies.

I had to laugh at Commander Sato's reaction to your telling her what the crystal did. And Chris, she told someone, and someone from your ship is communicating with someone from the Enterprise (besides us, I mean) because now the rumors are that somehow the ring acts as a crystal ball so that you can see everything that goes on through it, and that it'll - I don't know, magically curse or zap anyone who pisses you off. And everyone thinks you're violently possessive of me, and now they're afraid to get anywhere near me in case they incur your wrath. I'd be more amused if it didn't make my job damn near impossible. I'm a doctor, dammit, and I need to be able to touch people and get near them in order to treat them, but the way everyone shies away from me it's like I've got some horrible and highly contagious disease. Still, every rumor seems to fade after about a week to be replaced by a new one, so I guess I've just got to wait this one out.

Well, I think that's about it, so I'll say goodbye for now. Eight more weeks until we see each other, if I'm counting right. I love you, darlin'. You'll never know how much.

Yours always,

To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (

Dear Len,

First of all, let me make this absolutely clear so you have nothing to doubt. I love you. I love you more than words can possibly express. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you, and only you. You are the only one I want to touch, to kiss, and make love to. God willing, you're the only one that will ever do the same to me. All of this, I give you my word on. I'm sorry, honey, that I made you question any of that.

You're right in some ways. I do feel like I'm walking on eggshells. There are things I want to talk about, fears and problems I'm having -- Yet most of them would -- How do I say it? Well, they would probably make you feel worse than you already do. They are issues in my mind. My problem. My demons I need to exorcise. I don't think I have to tell you that the last two years since the Narada incident -- Well, they've been a nightmare in some ways. The only good thing that came out of it was you. Now, I finally feel like I'm waking up from that nightmare and I'm not exactly sure who I am right now, if that makes sense. I hope it does, and I hope that my saying this as badly as I probably am doesn't make you doubt anything I said above. It shouldn't. I'm just -- I can't explain exactly how I'm feeling. I'm trying to figure it out, though. I promise.

I completely get what you're saying about Jim now. I hadn't heard from him since shortly after you left the outpost during my procedure. So I sent him a quick note and he wrote me back, or someone wrote me back, because it certainly wasn't Jim. I don't know what to tell you, Len. He's obviously going through something. I wish I could tell you what. I'm worried about him though. He's talking about taking off for what sounds like all of his shore leave -- He talked about finding someplace to go where no one would recognize him. I even invited him to my parents' anniversary party, and he declined. He may just be having a delayed reaction to everything that happened. That kid carries a lot on his young shoulders, and he never lets anyone else help him carry it. Maybe this is just his way of coping right now. I only wish it wasn't bothering you so much. I'm sorry, Len. I don't know what to do to help.

God, I'm looking forward to spending a lazy week in Georgia with you. I think that's all we'll be able to manage. I figure we'll be in San Francisco at least until Tuesday when you're done with all the odds and ends you have to take care of with Starfleet. I told my parents to expect us from Wednesday to Friday, but we'll head there as soon as you're done at headquarters. I made reservations at a nice hotel near their house. Don't worry, we won't be spending all our time there with them. Boca Raton has some beautiful beaches and I figure we could take a day trip down to Miami or up to West Palm Beach and do some shopping and eat all the amazing food they have. How does that sound, honey?

Saturday, I figure we'll head over to Georgia. Annie will have it all stocked and ready for us. I'm going to warn you, I already authorized her to do whatever she needs to do. If it needs painting or siding or anything, I told her to get it done. She'll be out there next week so I'll let you know. I also told her to make sure that hammock you talked about was in good shape and if not, to replace it. That sounds like it would be heaven to lie in with you, listening to the sound of the water nearby. Maybe you can even teach me how to fish, like you talked about before.

So I figure we'll have about a week there. I'm due back at headquarters on Monday to make final preparations for the Exeter to leave on Wednesday. Of course, I'll probably have to take care of some things when we're in Georgia so I can spend that extra time with you there, but it shouldn't be too much. Mostly just paperwork and a few conference comms with my bridge crew. Really, I'll have most of it done already since I'm arriving home almost a week before you.

Hopefully, you'll have enough to do after I leave. I know how you are with idle time. Maybe it will be a good time to work on that paper on the new procedure you invented for me. Although knowing you, you've already written it.

I hope this isn't out of line, but I don't want you to have to worry about paying me back, Len. I know that Jocelyn took almost every penny from you in the divorce, and I know you had to pay a sizable chunk of alimony to her until recently. So please, if you honestly feel you need to pay me back, I guess I can let you. But believe me, it's no burden for me, and I'm glad to do this for you, for us. Something else I was going to mention to you too but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. With the extra time you'll have at our place in the city -- I know you brought a few things from home, but if there is anything you want to do there to make it more of a home to you, please, feel free. I didn't decorate it myself. I hired someone. I just wanted simple and practical, and honestly, that place doesn't reflect me at all in some ways. I guess the best way to explain would be it belongs to Chris the Starfleet officer, whereas my ranch is Chris the person. I guess when you see my ranch for the first time, you'll understand more. What I guess I'm trying to say, and badly as usual, is that I want you to make the apartment a home for you too. If you want a different couch, get a different couch. That place is more a necessity than a home. Yes, it's my place, and I feel comfortable there, but only because it's familiar, if that makes sense.

I told you before I'm just a simple man. I prefer blue jeans, a button-up, and a pair of comfortable sneakers to fancy clothes most of the time. My ranch has an old pickup that used to run on gasoline over a hundred years ago -- now converted of course, but still, a relic. Sure, I can schmooze with the rich and snobby and the diplomats and politicians, but I'm more happy on my couch with bare feet and Sinatra crooning or one of my favorite Mozart symphonies playing. I'm not going to lie, though, there are things, expensive things, that I like and spare no expense on. I'm sure that makes me a little unusual. I like to travel, and when I've been on earth I have been pretty much all over the globe. I like fine wines, expensive suits, and old-fashioned wood-burning fireplaces. You could see when you were at our place that I like my electronic toys. And yes, a lot of those tech toys are at the ranch too now, but other than that, I guess I would have to call it pretty rustic. Not at all like the sparse contemporary feel of the place in the city.

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now. And I'm sorry for my part in the fact that you are. I hope you have been able to get some of it out in your comms to Dr. Pagao. I know it's not easy being able to vidcomm. I don't want you to think you can't talk to me about stuff, Len. You can. I'm not going to break anymore, and lately it seems like you're getting pretty close to that. You've been here for me these last two years, despite what you may think. I would never have made it through any of this without you, Len. Truly. You say that I'm amazing and I was strong throughout this whole ordeal - well, part of that strength came from you and your love.

If you need to talk about anything, please, I'm here. I'm going to step on a limb here and ask you something. You've mentioned your mother and your grandmother a lot in your comms, Len. It's obvious that they and your grandfather are gone, and I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk about it, just tell me it's none of my business and I'll back off. If you want to though, I'm here. I love you, and I'm here.

Well, I'm completely out of energy now. I spent extra time in the mess with my crew after shift and I'm fading fast now.

I love you, Len. Please don't doubt that, honey.

Yours forever,

To: Christopher Pike (
From: Leonard McCoy (

Dear Chris,

Thanks for the reassurance. Really, darlin', it means more than you know. It isn't that I doubted your love, or thought that there was anyone else - I didn't, at all. It's more that - I don't know, it feels like the closeness, the intimacy we had before, is gone, and I'm afraid we're never going to get it back, if that makes any goddamn sense. Before this whole nightmare began, I felt like I could tell you anything and I could just be myself and not worry that you were going to take it the wrong way. I think you felt that way with me. And now that's gone, and I miss it.

I want to figure out how we get back to where we used to be. You used to call yourself a "sappy old man" when you said something romantic, but Chris, I loved it. I want that again. I hate that you're feeling awkward with me, that you feel like you have to second-guess everything you say. I don't know what the answer is. I don't want you to just make unilateral decisions about the big things in our lives, but for the little stuff - Chris, I like it that you just sweep in and take care of that stuff. And, oh lord, this is kind of embarrassing, but I really like it when you're pushy in bed. I don't want to give those things up. And for me - I don't know how you want me to be. You know now that my shameful secret is that I'm a mushy romantic at heart - can I still be like that, or do you find it off-putting?

So how do we fix this, whatever it is that's gone wrong between us? We know we don't want to hurt each other again. But Chris, just being so awkward around each other like we are, that's hurting me anyway. Talk about a no-win scenario.

I'm sorry, darlin', that you've been feeling like you're just now waking up from a nightmare. I won't patronize you by saying that I understand how you feel - I couldn't possibly. I know it's been awful, though. But I'm glad that you've found some comfort in my presence over the last two years, and please, if there's anything else I can do to help, let me know, all right?

Things are about the same with Jim. No better, but at least no worse. Yeah, he told me that was going to take a hoverbike trip through Asia, and not to expect many comms from him. He said he'd bring a communicator so if there was an emergency he could get help, but that he wanted to "get away from it all." What could I say, Chris? He's a grown man, and much as I might want to, I can't permanently implant a homing beacon and biomonitors on him.

The shore leave plans you've made sound amazing, Chris. I haven't spent much time in Florida, so I'll put myself into your very capable hands. Whatever you want to do there is fine with me. As long as I've got you with me, anything else is pretty damn secondary.

As to money, well, that's always a touchy subject, isn't it? Yeah, Jocelyn took pretty much everything in the divorce and until recently I've had alimony payments, but I also don't have many other expenses and my Starfleet salary is - well, not generous, but very reasonable. It's hard for me to accept "charity" - I know it isn't really charity, but us McCoys are pretty stiff-necked about taking money from anyone else. Still, I appreciate the offer, and I do feel like what's mine is yours, so I can see how you'd feel the same. I don't know, maybe we can split the expenses. We don't have to figure it out this moment, but I do appreciate the offer, Chris, really.

Also, thanks for the offer to make our place in the city feel more like "home." I'm not a big one for decorating, but if there's anything I happen to see on my travels or when I'm planetside that I feel like would make a nice addition to the apartment, I'll get it. I figured that the apartment didn't really represent you that much, and it's one of the reasons I really want to see the ranch. I'm curious to see what kind of home represents you as a man, rather than as a Starfleet officer.

I'm like you in preferring simple things, Chris. Jeans over a suit any day, for me. I've never ridden in an actual internal combustion car, or one that used to be. I'll look forward to that when we visit your ranch. I agree that some things are worth paying for - food and alcohol, for me, are worth spending money on. I like a simple meal as much as a gourmet one, but I prefer real ingredients, not the replicated garbage, and that can be goddamn expensive. Travel? It doesn't surprise me that you like it, and I don't mind it to a limited extent, but I'm pretty much a homebody. Once I'm retired, I plan to set down roots and not go gallivanting around the planet every week. But I'm sure we'll work something out; if you want to travel some then we'll do that too, of course.

Relaxing on a couch with you, music on in the background, both of us barefoot, in front of a wood-burning fire, though, that sounds like heaven to me. Which reminds me, I'd love for you to bring your guitar to Georgia. Now that I've seen and heard you play, I'm going to be after you to play for me at every possible opportunity, you know, darlin'.

All right, now the tough part of your comm. But first, Chris - you've gotta know, as long as I've got you, I'm not going to break. Also, I want you to feel like you can ask me anything, darlin'. Nothing's off limits between us, as far as I'm concerned, okay?

My mama died when I was in med school, in a shuttle accident. It was hard, as I'm sure you can imagine. For me, but also for my daddy. He loved my mama so much. He thought she hung the moon. After she was gone, he became just a shadow of his former self. I think that's part of the reason he didn't fight that hard when he fell ill a few years later. She was so quiet and calm, and so strong. She was the strongest of any of us, the one who held that family together. I miss her still. As traumatic as the circumstances of my daddy's death were, in a way it was harder losing my mama.

My grandparents. Let's see. My father's mother, her name was Margaret, died of Forrester-Trent syndrome when my daddy was a kid - would've been totally treatable, but she was afraid to see a doctor until it was too late. It's one of the reasons my daddy became a doctor - he felt like if he'd known the signs and symptoms, he would've recognized the disease and could've pushed her into getting treated. Of course, he was all of twelve or so at the time, but hell, I've got no room to throw stones about blaming yourself for not knowing or doing things you couldn't reasonably have known or done. My father's father's name was Geoffrey, but I called him Grandpa McCoy. He was a crazy, mean bastard - died of a stroke when I was about twelve and I think everyone was actually kind of relieved. My daddy never said anything, but I'm pretty sure Grandpa McCoy beat him and Grandma Margaret too, before she died.

On my mama's side, my mother's father Benjamin died of a brain aneurysm when my mama was 17, years before I was born. And my mother's mother died in a hovercar wreck. I was a teenager when it happened, and I remember my mama was really broken up about it. I was too, of course, but not like she was. Losing your mama is one of the hardest things there is, I think. That and losing a child. Anyway, if I've mentioned a grandmother, it would have been her, my Grandma Kamilla. She was something - she was a strong woman. I admired her.

Well, I think that's about it for now. I'm off to bed. This being apart, not even able to vidcomm you - it's driving me a little crazy. I miss you so much, darlin'. I love you. I always will.


to Part 18

Tags: fic: trek, pairing: pike/mccoy, series: to talk of many things
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