Sky (skyblue_reverie) wrote,

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Trek Fic: No Cloud Was In the Sky (Pike/McCoy, NC-17)

Title: No Cloud Was In the Sky (Part 13 of To Talk of Many Things)
Authors: mga1999 and skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Pike/McCoy
Rating: NC-17 lite
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Word Count: around 6200
Summary: The further correspondence of Leonard McCoy and Christopher Pike - the aftermath of Len's descent into angst. Ironical title is ironical. :p
Authors' Notes: From skyblue_reverie (the loud one): Let me use my soapbox here to once again pimp pikemccoy. GO JOIN, BBs! From mga1999 (the quiet one): Oh sure, create a community where I might be tempted to pull out stuff hiding in my Google docs. Oh wait, it's me, that will never happen. :P

Previous Parts:
Part 1, Of Cabbages and Kings
Part 2, Of Sails and Ships and Sealing Wax
Part 3, Scrambling to the Shore
Part 4, The Time Has Come
Part 5, The Sun Was Shining Brightly
Part 6, A Pleasant Walk, A Pleasant Talk
Part 7, The Moon Was Shining Sulkily
Part 8, Why the Sea Is Boiling Hot
Part 9, The Middle of the Night
Part 10, Thick and Fast They Came At Last
Part 11, After the Day Was Done
Part 12, Shed a Bitter Tear

To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (


I priority commed Jim. He's on his way over. I tried comming you and then our apartment and didn't get an answer. I'm worried about you.

Of course I still love you. What's past is past, Len. You need to learn to let it go before it destroys not only you, but us too.

It Does. Not. Matter. We all say things we don't mean at times, even if there is some truth to them. You deserve so much more than you think. And whether I give you absolution or not -- that won't mean anything until you give it to yourself.

Talk to Jim. And comm me. I'll let my communication officer know to wake me, even though I probably won't be sleeping now. So please, when you're ready, I want to hear from you, or at least have Jim tell me you're okay.

I love you. We'll get through this together, Len. I'll help you, just like you helped me.


To: Christopher Pike (
From: Leonard McCoy (

Dear Chris,

Well, now I'm the one who's embarrassed at having a meltdown. Shit, Chris, I've got my Ph.D. in psychology, I should know better than this. But you're right - it's not easy to be rational when it comes to our own issues. When did you get so wise, darlin'?

We're back on the Enterprise - we departed this morning. I just finished my shift, and I'm going to meet Jim for dinner in a little while, but I wanted to write to you first, both about last night and about your other two comms.

I'm glad Jim finally talked me into vidcomming you last night. I won't lie, I was scared. Scared to see your face, to look in your eyes now that you know what I really am. But - you didn't look at me any differently. You were worried, yeah, maybe a little exasperated, but you didn't hate me. I really didn't expect that. Yeah, I know I've got no perspective when it comes to this, but it honestly took me by surprise. Chris - it was like a gift. No, it was like a whole lifetime of gifts - all my birthdays and holidays all rolled into one. That you've seen me at my worst, that you know me at my worst, and you still love me. I just... I don't know. I still can't quite comprehend it. But I believe it, Chris. You make me believe that you really do love me, despite everything I've done. You even make me believe that maybe one day I'll forgive myself, and that's not something I ever thought I'd say.

It's not going to happen overnight. I wish it could - I wish to god I had a button that I could press to make it all go away, but after centuries of studying human psychology we still have to just do it the old-fashioned way, with time and patience. Patience is not my strong suit, as I'm sure you've realized. But it's worth it, to work on this. For the first time since my life went down the drain, I feel like it's worth it. And that, Chris, is because of you. So thank you for that.

I'm also glad you got Jim to come bust in on me. Damn, I was so drunk by the time he got there I hardly remembered my own name. I don't know how he got in, whether you gave him the door code or he just hacked in, or hell, if he shot the lock with a phaser. Anyway, he gave me one of my own anti-intoxication hypos, splashed cold water on my face, and made sure I was all right. Then he gave me the mother of all reamings-out for making you worry. And him too, but mostly you. Hell, Chris, you've turned my own best friend against me. Not really - you know I don't mean that. But he really was upset on your behalf.

Well, I got to talking with him about all this shit, why I was so upset, and Chris - he knew all along. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I know I told him about my dad, but not the stuff about Joss and the miscarriage. But I guess I did, one night when I was too drunk to keep my mouth shut, and too drunk to remember what I'd said the next morning. He told me that he'd never referred to it again because he didn't want to intrude - as if that's ever stopped him before - but if he'd known I was torturing myself like this he'd have said something eons ago. So - he's known practically all along, and doesn't hate me, and you know now, and don't hate me. I trust both of you - I trust you both not to bullshit me, not to tell me what I want to hear, so if you both say that I shouldn't hate myself for what I did, maybe you're right. Still gonna take time to get there, but I'm working on it. I'm trying. I hope that's enough for now, Chris. I don't know what I'd do if I screwed things up with you over this.

All right, so, next uncomfortable topic - Commander Sato. Chris, I trust you. Honestly, I do. I don't trust her a lick, but that doesn't matter, because it takes two to tango. The only thing I ask is that you continue to be up-front with me. I mean, if she makes a move on you, or does things to try to get you upset at me, or whatever - I'd rather know about it than be imagining worst-case scenarios of what she's up to. I know she's a strategist and I'm not, but Chris, you're the best strategist alive today. That's Jim's assessment, and he'd know. So if you're on top of what she's doing, and you're keeping me informed... that's all I need. Does that sound reasonable?

Let's see, what else... Oh, your counselor wanting to talk to Jim. Yeah, I mean, it's fine by me, and I'm sure Jim will agree too, although I'm not quite sure what therapeutic value it would have. Still, she's your therapist and I'm not, so even though it goes against the grain for me, I'll try not to second-guess her treatment methods. I'll talk to Jim about it at dinner tonight and let you know what he says.

On what you said about Jim - about him feeling things deeply, and using his bravado to keep people from seeing it - yeah, I know. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him. It's what I've always done. And I can tell you right now, he's going to be keeping a closer eye on me from now on, and I'm not sure if that's a blessing or a curse.

About your former first officer, the one you were in love with and who died - I'm sorry, Chris. I don't know if I've said that before, but I really am. If you ever want to talk about her, you know I'm here. And with your marriage - I know you've said that it didn't upset you that much, when it ended, but it can't have been easy, and since I've been there and done that, well, I'm not gonna judge. So if you ever want to talk about that either, that's okay too.

I do appreciate the reassurance about appearance, that it wouldn't matter if we could never have sex again, or if I lost my looks (and I'll have you know that I've been staring at the screen for at least two minutes because my fingers are itching to put some disclaimer about my looks not being all that great to start with, but I'm not going to do that). I hope you know that the same is true for me, about you. And if it's the fact that you were in a chair that let us get to know each other enough so that I wasn't another in a long line of brief flings, then Chris, I've got to be glad that you were in that chair. It feels selfish of me, and I hope you know that I don't mean I would ever wish that pain on you, or everything you had to go through, but anything that got us together is a good thing in my book.

Your grandmother sounds like my mama, in believing that everything happens for a reason. I don't know, Chris. I'm not a religious man, and I don't believe in fate. I believe the universe is a pretty random place. But hell, Chris, if there's no purpose or plan behind it, to me that just makes it even more amazing that out of all the paths we could have taken, all the choices we could have made, we made the ones that led us to each other. Probably Jim would tell me that there's a billion different alternate universes and in the other ones, I'm not with you, or I never even joined Starfleet, or hell, I don't know, I'm involved with Spock or something equally revolting. Maybe he's even right. If so, I feel bad for all those other Leonard McCoys, I honestly do. They don't know what they're missing, and that's the saddest thing of all. But for me - Chris, this is the only universe that I'd want to live in, and I will never stop being grateful that in this universe, we found each other.

I'm glad that you liked me taking care of you on your birthday. I know it made you a little uncomfortable, and trust me, it's not like I'm going to wait on you hand and foot on a daily basis, but once in a while I do enjoy indulging my partner a little bit in that way, so you're just going to have to get used to it. I certainly don't expect reciprocation - I mean, you can if you want, I'm not gonna complain, but don't feel obligated, if that's not your thing.

Good lord, Chris, the taste of your cock combined with the taste of peaches - god damn, that was incredible. I didn't think I could love peaches any more. And now, every time I taste a peach, it's going to remind me of you, and that lazy morning in your bed when I licked peach juice off you, sucked your cock until I could taste your own juices, and then kissed you so you could taste both flavors in my mouth. I'm craving peaches, and you, just thinking about that. When we go to Georgia this summer, we'll have to pick some from the trees on my family property. I've never found any peaches quite as sweet as the ones from that orchard. I'd like to find out how they taste on your skin, out in the open air under the Georgia sky.

I'd also like to try out the jacuzzi tub in your quarters. I'm glad you're enjoying it, and although I really believe it's medically warranted, I'll admit that when I convinced your med team to get that installed for you, I had ulterior motives - I figured at some point I'd be visiting you onboard and thought we could enjoy it together.

God, yes, I liked your singing. Don't tell me you couldn't tell, given my enthusiastic demonstration of appreciation. If by some bizarre chance, there's ever a time in the future when I don't seem to be in the mood for sex, I hope you know all you'll ever have to do is pull out that guitar and play and sing a few bars, and I'll be panting at your feet. Probably shouldn't tell you that, but hell, as I said, tactics have never been my strong suit. But anyway, yeah, I'd love it if you'd play again for me next time we're together. And if you ever do get together with some of your former bandmates and play a gig - well, you'll probably end up having quickie bathroom sex like you used to with that groupie of yours, because I won't be able to wait until we're home.

I'm glad - more than glad, actually, that you liked my idea about the ring. I was a little nervous, didn't know if I was presuming too much. I've got the main part of the crystal in my quarters, on my nightstand so it's the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night. But I've already gotten so used to having that ring on my hand, to being able to look down and know how you're doing at any given moment, that I can't quite picture how I lived without that. I'd really like to know that you were doing the same thing, watching over me all the time. So I'll attach the information about the jeweler to this email. I told her you might be stopping by to get a ring made, so if you tell her you're my partner, she's got on file all the information about the ring I got - you can get one that's the same style as mine if you want, or choose a different setting. God, it makes me so ridiculously happy just thinking about that.

Well, darlin', it's getting late and I've got to meet Jim in the mess before he sends out a search party - I think he's going to be paranoid about me for a few weeks.

I'll be thinking of you tonight, watching your crystal until I fall asleep. It won't be as good as being in your arms, or being in our bed even when you're not there, but just knowing that you're out there, and that you love me - it brings me peace, Chris, peace I never thought I'd have again.

Yours, always,

To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (

Dear Len,

First of all, I was so relieved to see your face on the vidcomm. I owe Jim a drink next time I see him. That was scary as hell, and I'd never felt more helpless. If Jim hadn't commed me right away when he got there -- You were still half passed out drunk -- I swear I was about ready to turn the Exeter around and get there at maximum warp. I was still pacing my quarters until you vidcommed me, even though Jim told me you were okay. Jesus, Len. We are going to give each other heart attacks at this rate. This makes us even, all right?

I didn't have to give Jim the door code. I started to, but he yelled back at me while he was throwing clothes on that he knew it from hearing you code it in when you moved stuff in to our apartment. You know Jim. It's a good thing that kid is on our side. Although I'm sure it would have only taken him a few seconds to hack it anyway. Remind me to change that next time we're back -- Oh never mind. Like it matters with him.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Len. And you're right, it's not going to go away overnight. I'm still struggling with my issues, but compared to how weighed down I felt a year ago, it's like night and day. As you know, patience wasn't my strong suit either, but take it from me. Keep talking about it like I have and in a year you'll feel the same way. You know this, and I know hearing it from other people helps a lot. Talk to Jim. Talk to me. Write me about it if it's easier. Just -- You have to let it go. I know it's not easy, but you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I never thought I'd say this, but let Jim take care of you for awhile. That kid was scared to death. I literally saw the blood drain from his face when I told him what was going on. Just let him do whatever he thinks he needs to do to help. I think he feels guilty as hell, too, that you have been torturing yourself all this time. And you and I both know he would never use anything like that against you. Give the kid some credit, Len, and a little affection might be good too. I know you tease him to show your love -- And even though he knows that too, it wouldn't hurt him to hear it from you more often. Lord knows he certainly didn't get any growing up.

Jesus Christ. Look at me being all mature and not acting like that ridiculous jealous person I was before. And speaking of that, I really don't know what to say to make you feel better about Commander Sato. But I promise I will tell you everything. Right now, there is nothing to tell. She's been the epitome of professional, Len. And I honestly don't foresee any problems, okay, honey?

Now, don't get upset, because I swear I didn't breach your confidence. But I did some research, and then I asked Philip some questions about your father's illness. And I know you probably know this, but Len, your father was too far gone to be saved by the cure. It only worked on patients who had been symptomatic for less than six months, and it didn't even work on all of them. Your father had been suffering for well over a year. I will be honest here, I have always believed that life should end naturally, but I honestly can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing in your shoes. If it had been my father? Or even my grandfather. He was 102 when he passed, and luckily it was peacefully in his sleep. But if he had been suffering like yours? God, Len, I watched some vids of people afflicted and -- You did the right thing. I know it, Jim knows it, and I'm sure you know it, deep down. You did what he wanted. You were a good son. Anyone in your life that thought otherwise can go fuck themselves.

I'm not going to bring up the issue of the miscarriage or whether or not you deserve to be a father unless you want me to. I told you I'd let that subject drop, but if you want to talk about it -- just say the word. You know how I feel, and frankly, I don't think I've ever known anyone who deserves to be a father more than you do. I think you'd be an amazing father, Len. I really do.

I don't know why Dr. Elliott wants to talk to Jim, to be honest. She simply told me it would help her help me if she knew all the parties involved, especially the one that drove me to her in the first place. She thinks you are amazing, by the way, in case you didn't get that impression when she met with you separately and then in a session with me while we were home. She's helped me a lot though, and Dr. Rossen was right on the nose to refer me to her even though I thought she was crazy doing so. Speaking of Dr. Rossen, it might not be a bad idea for you to seek some professional help too. Not necessarily her, but you know a lot of people, Len. And like you told me, you're just a moron if you don't. And that's all I'll say on that, honey.

Right now, I think I'll save talking about Robin (my ex first officer) and Lisa (my ex-wife) for another time. I'm tired since someone kept me up last night, and it wasn't for the usual reasons. Just saying.

Religion. Another issue we haven't really discussed. I grew up going to church. It was important to my family. I suppose I like the idea of knowing that there is a higher being out there -- I do find comfort in prayer, Len. With as many things as I've seen -- In all the places I've been -- I find it hard to believe that there isn't some divine influence in play. It's one of those things that can't be proven or disproven. I certainly am not one deny anyone whatever they may believe or not believe, though. Religions have torn our own world and other worlds apart because of that. So it's not an issue to me that you don't believe in God. I hope it's not that I do.

Well, I'm nodding off here at my console, so I'm going to go get some sleep. I know you'll be too far away soon to be able to vidcomm with, but you should still be within range tomorrow if I use my priority clearance. I'll try to catch you after your shift so we can talk more.

I'll write more, but it might be a few days. We're going down to the surface of Kaanae in two days to open diplomatic channels with their two ruling parties. Might be a little hostile with one of them. Or do you not want me to tell you these things? For the record, I'd rather know what you're up to. I think both of our minds make up worst-case scenarios. I usually find reality isn't quite as scary.

I love you. I'll be dreaming of us together, wrapped in each other's arms.

Always yours, and don't forget that,

To: Christopher Pike (
From: Leonard McCoy (

Dear Chris,

It was good to see your face again last night. I know we'll be out of vidcomm range for a while, so I'm really glad we got that one last talk. Seeing your face, hearing your voice - it soothes me, Chris. Grounds me. I've never felt that way before, and it's goddamn addictive. It was all I could do not to put my hand on the screen, just to pretend that I was touching your skin despite the light years between us. I'm starting to get an inkling of how hard these years apart are going to be.

Anyway, enough of that. I had to laugh when I saw that you'd written that with my latest bit of idiocy, we're even now. I swear, you and Jim with your compulsive score-keeping. It's not a competition, darlin'. I will try not to worry you again, and I know you're trying to do the same for me, but I'm not keeping score - if you need me a dozen times in a row then I'll be there, and I'm hoping you feel the same.

Dear lord, I purely hate having my own advice thrown back at me, especially when I know it's true. Yeah, I should find someone to talk to. A counselor, I mean. It's going to be a little difficult to do when we're out on deep-space exploration, out of vidcomm range of earth, and obviously there's no one on board since I'm the de facto counselor around here - and isn't that a scary thought. But I'll give it some thought and try to get up the nerve to go see someone when we're back planetside. Physician, heal thyself, huh?

You want me to let Jim take care of me? That's frightening on so many levels I'm not even sure I can count them all. Good god, Chris, he's decided to camp out on the couch in my quarters so he can watch over me or some damn thing. It's going to drive me batshit insane before long, not least because I can't watch any of our holovids or jerk off while he's here. He knows exactly what his presence is doing - or rather, what it's stopping me from doing - and it's amusing the hell out of him, even though he and I know the real reason he's staying with me is because he's still worried about me. And yeah, I tease him because I love him; he knows that as well as you do. I'll try to show it more, but Chris, if I do that too much, it's likely to freak him out even more than that vidcomm from you the other night did. It's just not how we communicate. I am glad, though, that the jealousy hasn't been bothering you. In case I don't say this enough, Chris, you're the love of my life. You're the one. Jim's my best friend, yeah. But you - there's no way anyone could ever replace you. As you said - you're my home, and I'd never want another.

About my dad, and whether his condition was too far advanced to be curable - I think it's just one of those unknowns I'll have to live with. I know that the cure they discovered hadn't worked on people whose disease was as far advanced as my father's. It's just - maybe it's arrogant, and maybe it's false, but I can't help but feel that if I'd known, I'd have been able to do something - work with the cure, adapt it somehow, to help him. But I do know that going over those same what-ifs again and again isn't healthy, and it isn't productive, and so I'm going to try to let it go.

Dr. Elliott thinks I'm amazing, huh? Well, that's always nice to hear, but I hope you know that your opinion is the only one I'm concerned with. I will say that it was good to get a chance to talk to her, and to share some of what I'm feeling about you. I can't even describe it, Chris, the richness that you've brought to my life.

As to religion - yeah, I was brought up as a church-goer too. My family went to the First Methodist Church in town, every week like clockwork. Mostly on account of my mama, who, like I said, was a believer. My daddy went mostly to make her happy. I used to believe, but somewhere along the line I stopped. But Chris, of course it's not a problem for me that you do believe. You're too intelligent a man to subscribe to some knee-jerk, intolerant brand of nonsense that passes for godliness, and that's the only kind of religion that really irks me. Other than that - I'm a firm believer in whatever it takes to get you through the night. So if I can't have you for that purpose, I'll take hard science and a glass of good bourbon. You can do the believing and praying for both of us, darlin'.

I definitely want to hear about Kaanae, and I'd absolutely rather hear about what's going on than be left with my imagination, which as we both know can be a fairly dark and disturbing place.

I swear the orders that Jim gets from Starfleet must say something like "Go wherever the hell you feel like going, get in a boatload of trouble and get out again by the skin of your teeth, and find a new alien woman to sleep with every week." As I said, for now we've been sent to do some deep-space exploration, charting of unexplored systems. So who knows what we'll encounter. We're just about at the edge of Federation space - tomorrow we should be out in the great unknown. Makes me nervous, but Jim couldn't be happier. Crazy kid.

And on that note, I'd better get some sleep so I can deal with Jim and his goddamned enthusiasm tomorrow without wanting to kill him.

First, though - I see your crystal's gone purple, and luckily Jim's on gamma right now, so I'm going to get in bed and bring myself off, imagining you doing the same.

I love you, Chris, more than I know how to say.

Yours always,

To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (

Dear Len,

God, I'm sorry it's been almost two weeks since I've had time to write a real comm other than the two short ones I sent just to let you know I was alive and well. And as far away as you are, it will probably be another week until you get this. So Happy Thanksgiving. It will probably be over by the time you get this. I am extraordinarily lucky this year, to have you, Len. That is what I am most thankful for.

Now, on that subject, I want to mention something about our last vidcomm. I didn't get to mention it at the time, and obviously I wasn't looking the first time when I was so worried about you -- But the ring, Len. It's beautiful. And to know you are wearing in some ways, part of me -- God, the sappy old man is coming out again. I will be getting to Earth in June, about a week before the Enterprise, I think, and I will certainly be heading to the jeweler first thing. And the style and setting is perfect, Len. Really. I couldn't have picked anything better out myself. Just -- thanks, Len. Thank you.

Speaking of June. We're going to be busier than what we already had tentatively planned. Philip's oldest son Matthew, is getting married! He proposed to his college sweetheart a week ago and she accepted. They are going to plan a June wedding to be held after the Exeter gets back, so the father (and godfather) of the groom can attend. I'm pretty sure the Enterprise will be back by then as well, so consider yourself invited, of course. Philip is so excited he's about to burst. And it seems to have done wonders for him and Allen, which is a relief. I was really worried for awhile that the split would be permanent, but for now, they are working on their issues.

So, Kaanae. Interesting culture, Len. I've seen some doozies after over thirty-five years in the black. This one, though, was pretty unusual. It also explains why things were a little 'hostile' last time Starfleet made contact. I mentioned there were two ruling parties? Well, it's a co-rule - they share power. But this planet has two separate continents, one only slightly bigger than the other. And the women all live on one continent. And on the other, the men. Completely humanoid in every way, but yes, separated by gender. They don't believe in, or I suppose I should say, they don't practice co-habitation or marriage/joining with the opposite sex. They do practice marriage, but only to the same sex. They have families, but four times a year, the 'fertile' women go into what we would call heat, and the men the same. There are grand temples on the coasts that are really a sight to see. There are huge halls with food and drink where they mingle and find someone who pleases them, and then there are other rooms with hundreds of beds, where they bring their chosen partner and find an empty bed and copulate. Almost like an orgy, at least in the fact that hundreds of people are having intercourse in the same room. But they only mate with the one person the entire two-week period.

So I guess when a previous ship beamed down, they were in the middle of their 'season' and the crew beamed down near one of these temples. And several of the crew, were, well let's just say 'attacked' and it was misinterpreted on all sides, and I think you get the idea.

Luckily for us, when the Exeter's away team beamed down this time, it was not mating season. And we met with both ruling families and they will be joining the Federation. They have warp capacity, but they choose not to leave their world. I can understand why in some ways - it's beautiful. They have a unique mineral in their oceans that seems to be able to be harvested for medicinal purposes and, believe or not, fuel their interplanetary transportation.

But yeah. Interesting society. The female children of course always stay with their mothers, but the males are separated from their mothers when they are five and reunited with their biological fathers, whom they have never met. Each woman bears four children in her lifetime. And they are expected to marry and begin mating as soon as they become fertile for the first time. But until the child they are raising is five, they don't mate again with the opposite sex. Even the women who bear girls seem to go fertile again within a 'season' of their little girl turning five. Philip has just been beside himself studying their reproductive cycles. Their lifespan seems to be unusual too; the men die naturally in their sleep between fifty and fifty-five, which is why the men don't procreate after forty. And the women live slightly longer, at fifty-five to sixty.

Starfleet researchers and geneticists are going to have a field day with the data we are bringing back. Because these people are all just amazing, Len. Beautiful women, and the men all good-looking too. We'll be going back in a month or so to finalize their joining the Federation. They were about two weeks from their 'season' when we landed, so we only had a week to 'safely' meet with them and study their planet.

Which brings up a subject we've never discussed. I'm not even sure how to approach it, but here goes nothing. There are times, Len, that as an officer of Starfleet, that in the line of duty -- Well, things happen. I'm not going to lie and say it hasn't happened to me. Fortunately, on all but one of the incidents, I was not in a relationship or married. Or I was with Robin who completely understood. But one was during my marriage, though it was a situation my wife and I had discussed at length in advance. So it wasn't an issue in the demise of my marriage, nor did I consider it 'cheating'. It was part of their culture for the represented Starfleet leader to have relations with their leader to seal the deal. And I did. I'm not ashamed. It's something you know might happen the moment you chose the command track. You may think that Jim is just going and sleeping with every alien or ambassador or planetary leader -- Well, sometimes that's what it takes.

So I thought we should discuss this. And I'm guessing - in fact I know - this is going to be upsetting to you. And I'm sorry I didn't bring this up sooner. When we started seeing each other, it didn't seem like it mattered as I wasn't sure I'd ever be getting out of the chair, let alone commanding a ship again. But this planet reminded me of that. And NO, nothing happened, and nothing will happen on Kaanae, because in their society, it's a choice, and I declined, which they respect when someone is partnered. But I can tell you, not all societies and cultures are the same way and it's sometimes considered an offense to decline. You know I would never do anything to purposely hurt you, Len. But if this situation arises during my command, I will comply with my sworn duty. Regretfully to you, of course. If it makes you feel any better, it's not something I would have regretted at all in the past.

Now, onto better subjects. I have to admit that I was laughing at your frustration at Jim sleeping on your couch. Honestly, I haven't been watching the holovids we've made lately. One, was I was so busy with the mission, and two, I guess I want to savor them. It's not like I can't lie back in bed and get off easily just thinking about you. So I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes I watch them more just to see you and hear your voice. Not that I don't get off on them, but I just thought you should know that in case you thought you'd hooked up with a porn addict. It's just you, Len. It's always you.

Now, I'm going to turn in. We are escorting a couple of freighters from the edge of the system to the Starbase tomorrow. Despite our presence, the pirates have been having a field day with traders coming in from the Antina sector.

I love you, Len. I'm forever yours too.


Part 14 here

Tags: fic: trek, pairing: pike/mccoy, series: to talk of many things
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