Fandom & Pairing: Chris Pine/Karl Urban RPS (a.k.a. Urbine)
Word Count: around 1200.
Summary: Why does Chris keep watching The Two Towers?
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anything whatsoever is purely coincidental.
A/N : I blame this bit of cracky, fluffy silliness totally, 100% on linelenagain, who gave me the prompt, nagged me mercilessly to write it, and then lied and said it was postable. :P So please, if you have any tomatoes to throw, throw them at her.
Karl opened the apartment door, juggling keys, cell phone, a pile of mail, and a shooting script. He kicked the door shut behind him, and heard the strains of a sweeping orchestral score coming from the tv room. He sighed in exasperation, headed off toward the kitchen.
"Fucking hell, Pine, not again," he yelled in the general direction of the tv room. He heard a banging noise, some cursing, and then a sudden silence. Ha, sounded like he'd surprised Chris into falling off the couch again. Chris got so ridiculously absorbed when he watched movies that he totally lost track of his surroundings. It was a constant source of amusement to Karl, scaring the shit out of him when he got totally zoned into the tv screen.
He put down everything he was carrying on the kitchen counter, sauntered into the tv room to see what Chris was up to, and why he was watching The Two Towers yet again. The dvd had already been paused when Karl entered the room. It was frozen on a closeup of his own face in that godawful blond wig. He suppressed a shudder.
Chris was picking himself up from the floor, glaring at Karl over the back of the sofa. Karl grinned unrepentently. Man had to get his kicks somehow, after all.
"So why are you watching this again?" Seriously, it was what, five times in the last week?
"So I can laugh at your ridiculous costume and the even more ridiculous hair. And throw popcorn at the screen. And scream 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BEAUTIFUL KARL?'"
"Yeah, yeah. I should never have told you that story about my agent."
"Oh, fuck yes you should have. It's fucking hilarious. Seriously, I would have paid money to have been there."
"I think most of the people there would have paid money to not have been there. Awkward doesn't even begin to cover it."
"Aw, who doesn't love a portly, bald middle-aged guy throwing a temper tantrum?"
"Most of the people involved with that movie, actually, Pine."
"Tell me what else he said."
"I've already told you this story a dozen times, for Christ's sake!"
"Tell it again!" Jesus, Chris really could be like a whiny five-year-old when he wanted to.
Karl rolled his eyes. "Fine. We were about halfway through filming. Graham came to visit me, see what was happening. The hair and makeup people had just finished with me and I was heading over to say hi and he took one look at me and had a complete meltdown. He said I looked like - Fabio, I think? Whoever the hell that is. He started screaming at the hair stylist that she'd made me look like a poofter, which, really, is pretty rich coming from Graham..."
He stopped as he noticed that Chris wasn't really paying attention anymore. Instead, he was back to watching the screen. The still-paused screen, showing a close-up of Karl in all his bearded blond glory. And there was a glazed look in his eye that Karl recognized.
Karl looked around the room more carefully. There was a wad of tissues on the floor and was that... yeah, that was the lube from their nightstand peeking out from underneath the couch. And now that he looked, Chris's trousers were awfully tight. What the bloody hell?
"Chris, what the fuck have you been doing?"
Chris immediately looked guilty. "Who, me? No! I mean, nothing!"
A huge grin was growing on Karl's face. "You little liar! You're perving on Eomer. You're totally getting off on me in that costume."
Chris's face was beet red now. "No way! You look ridiculous! I was totally just watching so I could make fun of you!"
"Then why are you sporting a woody that could hammer nails? And why's the lube under the couch when I know it was in the nightstand this morning? And if I went and got that wad of tissue - " and here he lunged for it, but Chris let out an eep noise and dived on it first " - what would I find on it?"
He tussled with Chris for a few minutes, rolling around the room laughing and trying to grab the tissues out of his hand while Chris cursed and grunted and held them out of his reach. This was what he loved most about Chris, he thought - how ridiculous they were together, now innocent it could be and how much of a fucking turn-on that was.
He decided it was time to play on his own terms, so he pinned Chris beneath him, bent down to whisper in his ear, and murmured, "You know, I've still got that costume somewhere in storage, wig and all. I could wear it for you sometime if you like."
Given their proximity, there was no way that Chris could hide the full-body shudder that was his reaction to those words. Or the sudden dilation of his pupils, the slackening of his jaw, and the relaxing of his fingers around the tissues. "Really?" Chris breathed.
Quick as a snake, Karl struck, grabbing the wad from his hand. "Hell no, you idiot, they don't let us keep costumes, you know that. But let me see - yep, I think - oh yeah, that's definitely lube and dried come. You gonna make me send it out for a DNA test? Wonder what the press would make of that? I can just see the headlines, 'DNA Test Confirms that Karl Urban is Carrying Co-Star Chris Pine's Love Child'."
Chris smacked him on the shoulder. "Shut up, you asshole. That was mean."
Karl raised an eyebrow. He happened to know that Chris found it irresistible. "Oh, sort of like pretending to make fun of me for weeks for a particular costume when you were actually secretly whacking off to me in said costume?"
Now Chris wouldn't meet his eyes. "'valwayshadacrushoneomer."
"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you."
Chris glared, and Karl laughed. "I said, I've always had a crush on Eomer. All right?"
"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it, Pine?" Chris ground up against him, and Karl smirked. "My mistake." Then he bent down and captured Chris's lips with his own.
A few minutes later, when they came up for air, Karl looked straight into Chris's eyes, face and voice solemn. "I might not have the costume, but I do remember my lines - I could fuck you while yelling 'Now is the hour! Riders of Rohan! Oaths you have taken, now fulfill them all, to lord and land!' if that would get you off." At the look of wounded outrage on Chris's face he cracked up, then stood up and started backing out of the room. "Last one in bed has to be the hobbit!" And he turned and dashed down the hall.
He heard Chris's roar behind him and laughed harder as he ran. Oh, this was going to be good.