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27 March 2010 @ 01:41 pm
Trek RPS Fic: The Reach of His Arm (Chris/Karl, R)  
Title: The Reach of His Arm
Author: skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Chris Pine/Karl Urban RPS (a.k.a. Urbine)
Rating: R-ish
Warnings: None.
Word Count: around 1200.
Summary: Why does Chris keep watching The Two Towers?
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anything whatsoever is purely coincidental.
A/N : I blame this bit of cracky, fluffy silliness totally, 100% on linelenagain, who gave me the prompt, nagged me mercilessly to write it, and then lied and said it was postable. :P So please, if you have any tomatoes to throw, throw them at her.



Karl opened the apartment door, juggling keys, cell phone, a pile of mail, and a shooting script. He kicked the door shut behind him, and heard the strains of a sweeping orchestral score coming from the tv room. He sighed in exasperation, headed off toward the kitchen.

"Fucking hell, Pine, not again," he yelled in the general direction of the tv room. He heard a banging noise, some cursing, and then a sudden silence. Ha, sounded like he'd surprised Chris into falling off the couch again. Chris got so ridiculously absorbed when he watched movies that he totally lost track of his surroundings. It was a constant source of amusement to Karl, scaring the shit out of him when he got totally zoned into the tv screen.

He put down everything he was carrying on the kitchen counter, sauntered into the tv room to see what Chris was up to, and why he was watching The Two Towers yet again. The dvd had already been paused when Karl entered the room. It was frozen on a closeup of his own face in that godawful blond wig. He suppressed a shudder.

Chris was picking himself up from the floor, glaring at Karl over the back of the sofa. Karl grinned unrepentently. Man had to get his kicks somehow, after all.

"So why are you watching this again?" Seriously, it was what, five times in the last week?

"So I can laugh at your ridiculous costume and the even more ridiculous hair. And throw popcorn at the screen. And scream 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BEAUTIFUL KARL?'"

"Yeah, yeah. I should never have told you that story about my agent."

"Oh, fuck yes you should have. It's fucking hilarious. Seriously, I would have paid money to have been there."

"I think most of the people there would have paid money to not have been there. Awkward doesn't even begin to cover it."

"Aw, who doesn't love a portly, bald middle-aged guy throwing a temper tantrum?"

"Most of the people involved with that movie, actually, Pine."

"Tell me what else he said."

"I've already told you this story a dozen times, for Christ's sake!"

"Tell it again!" Jesus, Chris really could be like a whiny five-year-old when he wanted to.

Karl rolled his eyes. "Fine. We were about halfway through filming. Graham came to visit me, see what was happening. The hair and makeup people had just finished with me and I was heading over to say hi and he took one look at me and had a complete meltdown. He said I looked like - Fabio, I think? Whoever the hell that is. He started screaming at the hair stylist that she'd made me look like a poofter, which, really, is pretty rich coming from Graham..."

He stopped as he noticed that Chris wasn't really paying attention anymore. Instead, he was back to watching the screen. The still-paused screen, showing a close-up of Karl in all his bearded blond glory. And there was a glazed look in his eye that Karl recognized.

Karl looked around the room more carefully. There was a wad of tissues on the floor and was that... yeah, that was the lube from their nightstand peeking out from underneath the couch. And now that he looked, Chris's trousers were awfully tight. What the bloody hell?

"Chris, what the fuck have you been doing?"

Chris immediately looked guilty. "Who, me? No! I mean, nothing!"

A huge grin was growing on Karl's face. "You little liar! You're perving on Eomer. You're totally getting off on me in that costume."

Chris's face was beet red now. "No way! You look ridiculous! I was totally just watching so I could make fun of you!"

"Then why are you sporting a woody that could hammer nails? And why's the lube under the couch when I know it was in the nightstand this morning? And if I went and got that wad of tissue - " and here he lunged for it, but Chris let out an eep noise and dived on it first " - what would I find on it?"

He tussled with Chris for a few minutes, rolling around the room laughing and trying to grab the tissues out of his hand while Chris cursed and grunted and held them out of his reach. This was what he loved most about Chris, he thought - how ridiculous they were together, now innocent it could be and how much of a fucking turn-on that was.

He decided it was time to play on his own terms, so he pinned Chris beneath him, bent down to whisper in his ear, and murmured, "You know, I've still got that costume somewhere in storage, wig and all. I could wear it for you sometime if you like."

Given their proximity, there was no way that Chris could hide the full-body shudder that was his reaction to those words. Or the sudden dilation of his pupils, the slackening of his jaw, and the relaxing of his fingers around the tissues. "Really?" Chris breathed.

Quick as a snake, Karl struck, grabbing the wad from his hand. "Hell no, you idiot, they don't let us keep costumes, you know that. But let me see - yep, I think - oh yeah, that's definitely lube and dried come. You gonna make me send it out for a DNA test? Wonder what the press would make of that? I can just see the headlines, 'DNA Test Confirms that Karl Urban is Carrying Co-Star Chris Pine's Love Child'."

Chris smacked him on the shoulder. "Shut up, you asshole. That was mean."

Karl raised an eyebrow. He happened to know that Chris found it irresistible. "Oh, sort of like pretending to make fun of me for weeks for a particular costume when you were actually secretly whacking off to me in said costume?"

Now Chris wouldn't meet his eyes. "'valwayshadacrushoneomer."

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you."

Chris glared, and Karl laughed. "I said, I've always had a crush on Eomer. All right?"

"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it, Pine?" Chris ground up against him, and Karl smirked. "My mistake." Then he bent down and captured Chris's lips with his own.

A few minutes later, when they came up for air, Karl looked straight into Chris's eyes, face and voice solemn. "I might not have the costume, but I do remember my lines - I could fuck you while yelling 'Now is the hour! Riders of Rohan! Oaths you have taken, now fulfill them all, to lord and land!' if that would get you off." At the look of wounded outrage on Chris's face he cracked up, then stood up and started backing out of the room. "Last one in bed has to be the hobbit!" And he turned and dashed down the hall.

He heard Chris's roar behind him and laughed harder as he ran. Oh, this was going to be good.

 
 
How do I feel?: soresore
 
 
 
...a kind of sweet metaphysical blur...: fellowshiphitlikehammers on March 27th, 2010 09:09 pm (UTC)
Umm, ummm.... seeing as I've recently done an LotR marathon (I missed it over winter this year, when I usually watch them and bake foods and pretend my house is in Hobbiton), this is so very, very immediately relevant for me. Not that LotR isn't always relevant. Because it very much is.

The thing is, though: even if it wasn't? This is made of awesome and WIN :D <3
Sky: [star trek aos] chris karl i heart himskyblue_reverie on March 27th, 2010 09:46 pm (UTC)
Oooh, I'm so very glad that I could post something so immediately relevant to your interests! \o/ I love that winter tradition, btw. You are constantly taunting me with talk of your baking! Seriously, I'm going to have to kidnap you and make you bake for me. ;)

And thank you for your very kind words. YOU are made of win, bb. ♥
this is not a thalia: LotR: Bangarangthalialunacy on March 27th, 2010 09:49 pm (UTC)
LMFAO. JENIUS! This could ALMOST talk me into liking LotR.

...almost. ;)

<33333333333
Sky: [star trek aos] chris pine sepiaskyblue_reverie on March 27th, 2010 11:35 pm (UTC)
Ahahahaha, well, I gave it my best shot. I've got to admit it's not my favorite movie in the whole entire world, but I do like it, and there's no denying the sheer HAWTNESS of the cast. Rrrrrowr. I mean, Liv Tyler as Arwen... OMFG. ANYWAY. Thank you for your lovely words, bb. <333333333333333333 right back atcha.
(no subject) - thalialunacy on March 28th, 2010 08:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
linelenagain: Lol!linelenagain on March 27th, 2010 09:56 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHA. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BEAUTIFUL KARL???" That's pretty much my exact train of thoughts every time I see a picture of Eomer.

I love this fic so much, bb, and not just because it's hilarious. My favorite RPF fics are the ones where they honestly just have FUN - and that's why I like this so much. They're having fun together, and it's great.

Also because it's freaking hilarious. And for the record, yes, yes I did whip you mercilessly until you wrote this. BUT IT WAS FOR THE GREATER GOOD!
Sky: [star trek aos] karl tongueskyblue_reverie on March 27th, 2010 11:39 pm (UTC)
Aww, bb, you are way too kind to me. Well, except when you're kicking my butt to write fic. But you know I love that about you. :P

I'm so glad that this hit the spot for you! Ahahahaha happy the "WHAT ARE YOU DOING" bit worked. That was kind of the line that I wrote the rest of this around. I don't often write boys just being boys, so it was kind of nice to do that. I will never quite understand the appeal of playing keep away and wrestling on the floor, but hey, guys seem to like that kind of thing. :p

So thank you for your (way too) kind words, and thank you for kicking my butt. Next up, the birthday fic I owe to sangueuk, so if you feel like pulling your whip out, go for it. ;)
Emily: eomeremiliglia on March 27th, 2010 09:58 pm (UTC)
I CRUSH ON EOMER TOO, CFINE! DON'T FIGHT IT - EMBRACE IT!

*cackles*

This was a riot, bb!
Sky: [star trek aos] karl thumbskyblue_reverie on March 27th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
Hee hee! I didn't crush on Eomer when LoTR came out but now I feel like I missed the boat on Karl's hotness in those movies! So obviously you and CFine are much wiser than I was. *bows down before your superior hotness-recognizing skills*

Thanks for the comment, bb!
(no subject) - emiliglia on March 27th, 2010 11:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 12:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cookiechris80 on March 28th, 2010 03:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 04:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
Karekikaiusagi on March 27th, 2010 10:11 pm (UTC)
Ah shit. XDD Riders of Rohan! Cannot stop giggling for that. XD Brilliance.
Sky: [star trek aos] karl sexyfaceskyblue_reverie on March 27th, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC)
Eee, thank you! So glad you enjoyed. :DDD I really need to go back and re-watch so I can ogle Karl properly.
(no subject) - kaiusagi on March 28th, 2010 12:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
amine_eyesamine_eyes on March 27th, 2010 10:49 pm (UTC)
Oh God Oh God Oh God ... Just ... WOW!

You can just SEE this happening: "You know, I've still got that costume somewhere in storage, wig and all. I could wear it for you sometime if you like" ... "Really?" ... "Hell no!"

This is going to keep a grin on my face for DAYS my friend, DAYS at how funny, sexy, and generally how BAMF Karl is even with silly hair! xD

And the agent story? Did you make that up? Cos it sounds like it might have happened xD

Sky: [star trek aos] karl braceletskyblue_reverie on March 27th, 2010 11:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, honey! I'm so glad you could see it. Poor Chris, so distracted by the thought of Karl in his costume. I totally made up the thing about actors not being able to keep their costumes - for all I know, maybe Karl really does have the whole thing still, wig and all. Hell, for all I know maybe he does regularly wear it to bed when he fucks Chris. :P

OMG Karl is such a BAMF. No matter WHAT. He's such a dork, which just makes him more of a BAMF in my book. I heart him so ridiculously much.

The agent story - not real I'm afraid - again, as far as I know. That was linelenagain's prompt - she wanted to see a story where Karl's agent had a freakout at the way they'd made him look in The Two Towers. All the rest, with Chris lusting after Eomer and the suspicious wad of tissues and all, was entirely my bizarre pervy brain. ;)

(no subject) - amine_eyes on March 28th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 04:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Sky: [star trek aos] karl D faceskyblue_reverie on March 27th, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC)
Thank youuuuuuuuuuu! So glad that my bizarre pervy sense of humor translated to other people! :DDDD
blcwriter: OMG Gandalfblcwriter on March 27th, 2010 11:57 pm (UTC)
Hobbits at least get to bottom on top, right? Otherwise they'd be cruched!
Sky: [star trek aos] jim omgskyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 12:20 am (UTC)
Well, IDK - they're short, but sturdy. So they might be okay on the bottom?

...

...


I cannot believe I just speculated on the sex life of a hobbit. FANDOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME? *shakes head morosely, wanders off to drown shame in chocolate*
sangue: chris pine 8 closeupsangueuk on March 28th, 2010 12:18 am (UTC)
this was a delight to read, bb, I love it! I love it when Chris is all flustered - adorable! thank you!
Sky: [star trek aos] chris karl i heart himskyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 12:22 am (UTC)
Thank you, bb! I kind of love making Chris a dork when it comes to Karl. 'Cause really, who wouldn't be? :D

Your birthday fic is next on my list, I swear it! I'm sorry it's so late. *smooch*
secretsolitaire: ahahahasecretsolitaire on March 28th, 2010 12:19 am (UTC)
*cracks up* This was fun!
Sky: [star trek aos] karl D faceskyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 12:23 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! :DDD
chocolatevenomchocolatevenom on March 28th, 2010 04:10 am (UTC)
i'm currently reading The Two Towers... :P
Sky: [star trek aos] karl braceletskyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 04:44 am (UTC)
Oooh, then my timing was excellent! :D
Mijan: Kirk Jizzedmijan on March 28th, 2010 04:15 am (UTC)
So wrong... so wrong... and yet I literally laughed out loud at some of the bits. :D
Sky: [star trek tos] bondage kirkskyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 04:46 am (UTC)
Ahahahaha yes, it's very very wrong. But yay for laughing! Thanks, bb.
Weeping Naiad: Elrond's been badweepingnaiad on March 28th, 2010 04:24 am (UTC)
AHHHH! LoTR! My first fandom! And I'm with Chris, perving on Eomer.

This was sweet and funny and I loved Karl taunting Chris with the costume like that!

"Last one in bed has to be the hobbit!" made me laugh so hard because I shudder at even the idea of hobbit sex.

Wonderful, sweetie!
*hugs*
WN
Sky: [star trek aos] chris pine sepiaskyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 04:50 am (UTC)
Oooh, that icon! I love Elrond. And Hugo Weaving in general. ♥_♥

Thank you so much, bb! I'm very glad you enjoyed. And I'm right there with you on the hobbit sex. Eugh.

*hugs*
k_angeldiva: Jim/Bonesk_angeldiva on March 28th, 2010 05:30 am (UTC)
oh this was just perfect in so many ways. The humor is so sweet and just HOT!!!!

"I might not have the costume, but I do remember my lines - I could fuck you while yelling 'Now is the hour! Riders of Rohan! Oaths you have taken, now fulfill them all, to lord and land!' if that would get you off."

Alright I admit it. This would totally get me off. You have no idea how hot Eomer truly is. He and Farimer were my favorite in the books and then I saw LOTR and I was like 'your wig is awful but your face is gorgeous'. Then I saw Doom and I was sold. Star Trek was the killing point. I'm a Karl girl now for life.
Sky: [star trek aos] karl crotch grab!skyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 05:43 am (UTC)
Aww, thank you so much! I'm so very glad you enjoyed it.

Oh, believe me, bb, I do not judge others' fannish pleasures. I didn't happen to "get it" about Karl when I saw LoTR (to my everlasting shame) but there are PLENTY of actors who could get me off by saying their characters' lines in bed. But yes, I'm with you in that I love Karl now 4EVA. He was HOTNESS in doom. I think I just prefer him with dark, short hair. :p
(no subject) - k_angeldiva on March 28th, 2010 05:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 06:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
elfsausage: karlinabathelfsausage on March 28th, 2010 12:17 pm (UTC)
My god there is so much WIN here!!! Urbine is the best thing in the world, and then you bring in the EOMER costume?!?!? All I can say is I'm glad I'm not reading this in public :-D
Sky: [star trek aos] karl heartskyblue_reverie on March 28th, 2010 04:37 pm (UTC)
Why thank you bb! I totes agree about Urbine. Haha, glad you enjoyed the addition of the Eomer costume. That was all linelenagain's insanity brilliance. :D