Sky (skyblue_reverie) wrote,

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Trek Fic: The Moon Was Shining Sulkily (Pike/McCoy, R)

Title: The Moon Was Shining Sulkily (Part 7 of To Talk of Many Things)
Authors: mga1999 and skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Pike/McCoy
Rating: R-ish, this time. SORRY.
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Word Count: around 6500
Summary: The further correspondence of Leonard McCoy and Christopher Pike. What happened during Pike's 5-week visit to the Enterprise? And is Jim just a wee bit over-invested in McCoy's love life?
Authors' Notes: From skyblue_reverie (the loud one): OMG I cannot think of a single thing to say. Enjoy this, it's the first and probably last time it'll ever happen. From mga1999 (the quiet one): My fault for the delay in this. Having computer issues for probably the next week.

Previous Parts:
Part 1, Of Cabbages and Kings
Part 2, Of Sails and Ships and Sealing Wax
Part 3, Scrambling to the Shore
Part 4, The Time Has Come
Part 5, The Sun Was Shining Brightly
Part 6, A Pleasant Walk, A Pleasant Talk

To: Christopher Pike (
From: James Kirk (


I don't care if this is inappropriate and you can write me up on charges for all I care, I just have a couple of things to say to you.

You're an asshole. People at the Academy used to tell me that all the time, and I used to defend you. I won't make that mistake again.

You don't deserve Bones. He deserves so much better than you. Unfortunately, he's in love with you. So I'm going to support him the best I can. And when you break his fucking heart, I will be putting you back in that chair. Count on it.


To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (

Dear Len,

I feel I should apologize for the things being a little tense when I left the Enterprise. Anything that went wrong the last five weeks was my fault, and I'm sorry. I take full responsibility for my actions, or inactions, because I'm guilty of both. I let my insecurities bring out the worst in me, and once again, caused tension not just with us, but with you and Jim. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. Well, yes I do; I can explain why. So here goes nothing.

First of all, and most importantly. I meant what I said. I love you, Len. I'm sure some things that happened after may have made you doubt that, but don't. We've been living in a bubble the last year -- writing, and having whatever stolen moments we could get here and there. So spending five weeks together, particularly when we were both working, was bound to cause some issues, especially given the fact that we are both stubborn and set in our ways. And I don't admit I'm wrong very often either.

With that in mind, let me just say it. I was wrong. I overreacted when I saw the holo of you and Jim kissing on the shelf in his quarters that first day. Jim explained it to me and laughed, and when I confronted you later in my quarters, and you told me the exact same thing he did, I should have let it go. Or really, I should have told you it bothered me more than I admitted, especially when you confessed you had a copy of the picture in your drawer somewhere. You both said it wasn't a big deal. It was a party. You were both drunk. Jim was dared. I of all people should know how Jim Kirk responds to a dare. I get it. Unfortunately the asshole in me didn't. And as much as I tried, I let it get under my skin. But I hid it, as I'm so good at doing.

It didn't help seeing you and Jim joined at the hip on the Enterprise. I know I should not have expected you to drop everything for me, and spend every moment with me -- God, I sound pathetic -- and I know you changed a lot of your daily routine with him to spend more time with me. I'm admitting, though, that I didn't like waking up to find the bed empty, knowing you were having breakfast with Jim in his quarters or the mess. I get that it's how you talk about work things, and how you prepare for your days. 'Getting it' and seeing you two laughing and stealing things off each other's plates is a little different. I'd just come off a gamma-shift inspection the first time it happened. You were on alpha shift. You were just trying to let me get some sleep, so you snuck out without waking me. Yet, when I got to the mess and saw you two there, eating together, I found myself more jealous than I ever thought I could be.

Fuck, Len. I'm an ass. Instead of enjoying the 'gift' of the time given to us, I spent time brooding, hiding that I was brooding most of the time, which ultimately led to our fight near the end. I know sorry isn't good enough. I hope explaining how I feel, which I should have done while I was there, helps you understand. Just know it's not your fault. I need to find a way to deal with this issue myself. I discussed it briefly with Dr. Rossen yesterday and plan on delving in more at my next appointment, just so you know. I want this to work, Len. And I know I'm going to have to get over my baseless and unwarranted jealousy of you and Jim for that to happen. I told you before that I'm not the jealous type, and that was true, up until now. I've never been the jealous type before, Len, but with you, everything's different. I feel a possessiveness toward you that I've never felt toward any of my other lovers, not even my wife.

Rationally, I know there is nothing between you and Jim, and there never will be. Irrationally though, my mind -- It's just the intimacy between you two -- I'm jealous of that, Len. I know you two have been best friends for four years, and spend more time together than most married couples. And while we are sexually intimate, it bothers me more than I want to admit that there are so many little things I don't know about you. Of course, these things you usually find out from spending time together, and most of our time 'together' has been spent in bed. I'm not a patient man, Len, as you are probably figuring out. When I want something, I take it. I might as well be the caveman that puts a mark on your face to show you belong to my clan -- that you belong to me -- and keep you in my cave away from everyone else. I know that's not possible, but that's my mentality.

Yes, I have gotten to know a lot about you through our letters. In some ways more so than if we had been 'dating' traditionally. But in other ways, being apart, we hardly know each other at all. I don't know what the answer is. I know I shouldn't expect to 'know' you as well as Jim does, and vice versa. I promise you though, that I am going to work on it. I am not going to let my irrational jealousy ruin what we have. One good trait I have is that I fight for what I want. I don't give up. I'll figure this out, Len. I promise, and you know from what I've told you before, I keep my promises.

I love you, Len. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I mean that. I meant it when I first said it to you. That moment, lying in your bed, both of us simply relaxing and reading PADDs. I remember looking down at you, your head resting on my stomach, and running my hand through your hair, and thinking -- feeling so much love that I just could not hold it in anymore. When I whispered your name, and you looked up at me, and I said those words -- God, Len, it was amazing. And the look in your eyes, and hearing you repeat them? I have goosebumps right now just thinking about it. Making love with you after, you whispering in my ear 'Come for me, darlin' as I thrust inside you. It was unbelievable, Len. You have no idea.

That first week there when you went on the away mission to aid Viaxis III, and the civil unrest broke out while you were down there providing aid. Scariest moment of my life, Len -- well, other than when I thought the earth was about to be destroyed because of me. When the Enterprise lost contact with you and the away team, the thought of losing you -- Thank God for Jim and his stubbornness for going down to get you himself, even if he was severely injured doing so. I'm sorry you had to worry about him; I was pretty worried myself. Honestly, and personally, I'm really glad he's there to look out for you, Len; I'm glad both of you look out for each other. I am just a fool sometimes. Remember that later, okay?

I know our five weeks wasn't all bad. In fact, almost all of it was good, more than good. And the sex -- God, coming without you even touching my cock when you fucked me? Like I told you, that's never happened before. And as much as I'd like to talk how much you turn me on, I think we have more important things we need to be discussing in these letters for awhile.

I'm probably beating myself up more than I should, but I keep seeing the look on your face when I accused you of lying about you and Jim. And Jim needs to put the holo back up on his shelf, where it belongs. He should never have taken it down. I need to get a grip on myself, and I promise, I'm going to do my best to fix this. I'm not going to lose you over this.

I'm late for p.t. or I'd write more, and I apologize for this letter being all over the place. It's kind of where my emotions are right now. I want to 'talk' on comms once a week too from now on if that's okay with you. We'll figure out the best time to make that happen.

So now that I know how you take your coffee, that you would put peaches on everything if you had a choice, and that you can't eat when Jim is on away missions, tell me something else I don't know. I'd love to know what you do on your down time. I'm looking forward to your answer.

Jim is right. I don't deserve you. I'm sorry, Len. I'm truly, truly, sorry.


To: Christopher Pike (
From: Leonard McCoy (

Dear Chris,

"A little tense"? Good god, man, you have a gift for understatement. Must be why you've risen so high through the ranks of Starfleet politics. I would have called the last couple days of your visit a goddamned disaster. I don't think you and Jim spoke more than five words to each other that weren't required by protocol. So yeah, you caused tension between you and Jim. You caused tension between you and me. But let me tell you something that you may not want to hear - you didn't cause any tension between me and Jim.

Look - me and Jim, I can't really explain it, but I'm going to try. As we say in the south, I don't have any "people." My parents are dead, and they were both only children, so I've got no aunts or uncles or first cousins. I'm an only child, so no siblings or nieces or nephews either. My grandparents are dead. The closest living relative I've got is a second cousin who I haven't seen since I was 11 or so. As for friends - well, you might have noticed I'm not the most sociable person. Most of my "friends" in Georgia were couples that I met through Joss. Needless to say, she took them all with her in the divorce. That left me with a couple of acquaintances from high school, college, and med school, and I haven't really kept up with any of them. So when I say that until recently I didn't have anybody but Jim, you'll know I mean it. And Jim - well, I won't go into details because it's not my story to tell, but he doesn't have anyone either. We've got each other, and from the moment we met it's been us against the world. There's not much that could get between us. He's always going to come for me, the way he did on that planet, and I'm always going to do everything in my power, and maybe some that's not, to keep him safe. That's just the way it is. I'm not going to justify that to you, or apologize for it, and I'm certainly not going to change it. He's my family, and I'm his. The fact that I'm so close to him doesn't detract from how I feel about you. I don't know how to be plainer than that, and I don't know how to say that so you'll believe me.

Now, you said you "got it" about us before, and maybe you did, but seeing it in action is always a little different than knowing something in theory, isn't it? So you got a little dose of reality and you didn't like it much. That's fine. I can understand that. But Chris, you've got to talk to me, for god's sake. I'm a doctor, not a mind-reader, and when you won't tell me what's wrong - when you flat out deny that anything is wrong when I ask you - there's not much I can do.

You want to know more about me? Just ask. I was going to tell you something that's really difficult for me to talk about (and before you ask, yes, Jim already knows). If you remember, I asked you to bring some bourbon so I could have some liquid courage first. But Chris, with how tense things were, it wasn't the time. I wasn't going to go revealing my deepest, darkest secrets when you were sulking over the fact that Jim stole a piece of toast off my plate or some damn thing. And yes, Chris, it was pretty goddamned obvious that you were unhappy, even if I didn't know exactly why.

When you were here, I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. I wanted to spend time with you - of course I did. I spent all the time I could manage with you. But I wasn't going to abandon Jim. He's had too much of that in his life already. He needs to know that no matter what's going on with me and you, I'm not going to up and disappear on him. And Chris - it wouldn't hurt for him to be able to feel that from you too - that you're there for him and care about him, regardless of your relationship with me. I've told you before you're the closest thing he has to a father figure. He needs to know that isn't going to go away because you're jealous over how close he and I are. So while I appreciate the apology from you - and I do - I think you owe him one as well. He's hurting, even if he won't admit it. He said you don't deserve me? Interfering brat. Ignore him - contrary to his opinion, I am an adult fully capable of deciding who and what I deserve and want without any input from him.

All right. Look. I love you. I do, even when you're behaving like an infant. What is it about you starship captain types that you can be both incredibly courageous and incredibly immature? I wouldn't be bothering to write all this if I didn't want to make this work, if I didn't love you. I don't say those words easily, or lightly. When I do, I consider them a promise, and I keep my promises too, Chris.

So let's put this behind us. I don't think there's any point rehashing the past. It's over and done. We've got what, about 10 weeks until our planned visit earthside? So we'll keep writing. We'll vidcomm every week, and we'll spend some of that time actually talking (don't worry, I said some, not all). We'll get to know each other, and Chris, hopefully you'll realize that I'm yours. You don't need to tattoo my face and stick me in a cave. You've already got me. All I can say is that you're goddamned lucky you're so fantastic in bed, you bastard.

All right, something about me. As for my down time, well, I spend most of it with Jim, and that's kind of a sore subject right at the moment, so I'll go with something else for now. How about a childhood anecdote? One Jim hasn't heard, even. When I was about six - remember the second cousin I mentioned? - anyway, her name is Pamela, she's about two years older than me, and she was a holy terror as a child. She had this life-sized clown doll that used to scare the bejeezus out of me. So one evening when the adults were having a party - they were all out on the veranda getting drunk - she locked me in her closet with the goddamned thing. The walls were thick and nobody heard me shouting. Finally the next morning someone noticed I was missing and she 'fessed up and let me out. No lie, to this day clowns scare the shit out of me. So there you go, my humiliation for the day.

I mean it though, anything else you want to know, just ask. So how about you? I've told you about my family (or lack thereof) - who are your people? Tell me something about your childhood. Good lord, Chris, I find it difficult to imagine you as a kid. You said you grew up in the desert - what was that like? Someday I'd like to go there with you, to see the place that shaped you. And someday I'll take you to Georgia too - not that there's anyone there for you to meet, really, but in some ways, it'll always be home to me - hot wet summers, sweetgum and hickory trees, flowering yellow jasmine and white-tailed deer. I own the property that I grew up on, but I haven't been back there in years. Haven't been able to face the memories. Maybe with you, I'll be able to.

Well I think that's all for now. Let me know when you want to do a vidcomm. I'm in love with you, Chris, and I'm going to convince you of that if it's the last thing I do.

Yours (and I do mean that),

p.s. The hickey you left on my neck is still there, and it's still getting looks and whispers from the crew. Guess the caveman side of you found a way to mark me, huh? Not complaining, by the way.

To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (

Dear Len,

Understatement? I prefer to call it being diplomatic. And yes, that is supposed to make you smile. Although If I can do that at all after my -- fine, 'disastrous' visit -- it will be a miracle. But as you said, we're done rehashing it, even though I still feel like I owe you a million more apologies.

So clowns, huh? I can imagine how something like that would scare a poor child to death. Especially being locked up all night with it in a closet. I can't say offhand that I have anything like that from my childhood that I'm afraid of, other than space, which I already told you about. Snakes used to make me -- well, I guess I was afraid of them somewhat. The rattlers out in the desert can get pretty loud when you are near. But when I was about ten, I went to summer camp where one of the counselors was a snake wrangler. And I found myself fascinated with them, and soon had a few as pets. Boy, my mother did not like that. She made me keep them in one of the barns.

As far as my 'people', well, I have no siblings, but luckily my parents are still alive and well and living in Florida. My maternal grandmother is still alive too, at 108, and lives with them part of the time. My parents like to travel a lot, so they are off-world right now. I have two aunts and an uncle, and several cousins. The only one I'm really close to is Annie, who, as I told you before, keeps up the old family homestead in Mojave. My mother never really liked the desert, so as soon as my father retired (he was a Federation diplomat) they gave me the ranch and moved to Florida.

Growing up in the desert, well, it's funny how I never really liked it when I was young. Like I told you, I got out of there as soon as I graduated secondary school at 17 and joined Starfleet. But as I got older, and even more so in the last ten years, I've really come to appreciate how beautiful it is. It's peaceful, and there is nothing like riding a horse along the trails. I grew up with horses and while it wasn't really a working farm, we had cows, pigs, chickens, sheep, goats: the works. There are only horses, chickens, and goats there now.

I know I've told you about my love of music some, but I don't think I've ever told you I was in a band or two. The first was during secondary school and was the typical high school garage band. But at Starfleet, I joined a band and we'd play in a club or two off campus on the weekend. When I went out on a ship, of course it ended, but some of the guys and I still get together when we're all around and do a gig or two. If I hadn't decided to stay in Starfleet, I probably would still be playing in a jazz bar somewhere.

I'm not sure what else to say now since you don't want to rehash the trip. I do have to say though, that having you in bed with me every night, even the nights we didn't have sex -- well, despite the craziness going on in my head, I'd never been so content, Len. And I mean that. I'm happy just being with you. And I promise, I'm working hard on my issues with Dr. Rossen, and she may refer me to someone else that might be able to help more.

I know your schedule on the Enterprise is too fluid to make a standing date for our vidcomms, but let's try for Sunday nights, right before you go to bed. So say somewhere around 2100. I'll just make sure I'm home and if you're free, we'll talk.

I also want to formally invite you to the Starfleet Officer's Ball in October since you'll be dirtside for all the ceremonies for the launch of the Exeter and the other three ships. Yes, as my date, Len, in front of all of the Admiralty and dignitaries. I can't wait to show you off to everyone.

As far as my p.t. -- Well, I'm starting to worry I won't be cleared medically in time to qualify for command of the Exeter. I haven't given up, but things have slowed down a bit with my recovery and the doctors aren't sure why. A plateau, I guess, so we may change some things to see if that helps. Any suggestions you have would be welcome.

And now to the subject that you don't want to rehash, but I need to ask this, Len. Are you attracted to Jim? I know you love him, and I certainly heard him say 'love you too, Bones' during your usual bantering. You told me to ask, so I'm asking. I believe that you love me, and that you only want me --well, most of the time. I'm just trying to -- hell, I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm trying to get over this, because I know it's going to ruin what we have if I don't. And yes, I know I need to write Jim, but I'm just not ready to yet. I hope you can understand that. I will, though. I want things to be right between all of us before you are both dirtside in October.

I love you, Len.


To: Christopher Pike (
From: Leonard McCoy (

Dear Chris,

Of course you still make me smile. Every time I see a comm from you, I get a ridiculously sappy grin on my face. And I do appreciate your diplomacy. It's probably good that at least one of us in this relationship can be diplomatic when he wants to, and it's certainly not ever going to be me. I'm glad that my bluntness doesn't put you off.

Yes, clowns. And I'll tell you why I told that story to you and not to Jim. If I told Jim - I could almost guarantee that the next night, a life-size clown doll would drop down from my ceiling into my bed, and the day after that, there'd be a vid of my reaction circulating on the ship's intranet. Yeah, I do love him, and I trust him with my life, but - how do I explain this? I don't necessarily trust him to know where to draw the line when it comes to certain things. I don't always trust his maturity, or his discretion. Those things are important to me, Chris, and you've got them in spades.

So you like snakes? Can't say I think much of 'em, but they don't particularly bother me either. If you want to keep snakes as pets once we've retired, feel free, but the first time one of 'em escapes from its cage, they're out of the house. Fair enough?

What are your parents like, and your grandmother? Are you close with them? You said your dad was a diplomat, so does that mean you spent a lot of time off-world as a kid?

Sounds like our childhoods had something in common - growing up around animals. My daddy was a doctor, and my mama was a veterinarian. We lived in the country and we always had chickens, goats, pigs, one or two horses, and whatever other random animals we picked up here and there - mama had a soft heart and if she ever came across an animal that needed a home, she'd adopt it. One time we had some alpacas - we made yarn from their fur and it was the softest thing I'd ever felt. We also grew a lot of our own food - we had a small peach orchard, as you might've guessed, and we grew vegetables and other fruits as well. I still have a taste for fresh fruits and vegetables, and I'll take the real thing over the replicated kind any day of the week. My daddy used to love fishing, and I'd go with him on the weekends. We'd catch trout, bass, or catfish in the stream that bordered our property, clean them, and then cook and eat them that night. So as I told you before, I do love fish. Especially fresh trout, pan-fried with just-picked pole beans on the side. And my mama's peach cobbler for desert. That's my idea of heaven, right there. I do miss growing fruits and vegetables. That's one thing I want to do when I'm back planetside long-term.

So you're a musician, as well as a music appreciator? You're a man of many talents, Chris. And believe me, I'd know. What instrument do you play? I'd love for you to play for me some time, if you wouldn't mind. As you figured out when you were here, I know next to nothing about music, but I want to learn. I should say: I want you to teach me.

Hell, Chris, when I said I didn't want to rehash the visit, I meant the bad parts. Of course I want to reminisce about the good parts. I want to hear all about what we did that you liked, and I'm going to do the same for you. At the end of this letter, because otherwise I'll never finish. But yeah, sleeping with you every night - literally sleeping, like you said, and waking up with you in my bed every morning - that was incredible. I want that, Chris. I know we can't have it yet, but someday - someday we'll have every night together and wake up in each other's arms every morning.

Sunday nights sounds good for a regular time to vidcomm, and most of the time I should be available. That's - the day after tomorrow, in fact, and I should be around after my shift, so I'll comm you around 2100 hours.

Yes, Chris - of course I'll be your date to the Starfleet Officers' Ball. I'm honored, truly. I'll be nervous as hell, because that kind of soiree is not my idea of a relaxing good time, but I'll try not to screw anything up too badly by insulting Admiral Archer's beagles or something. If there's anything I need to know ahead of time, for god's sake tell me, and also just stomp on my foot if I'm making an idiot of myself. I suppose this means I'll need to wear that goddamned dress uniform, too - did they set out on purpose to make those things as scratchy and uncomfortable as they possibly could? But Chris, the idea of being at a Starfleet function with you, and particularly one where you're going to be one of the guests of honor - because I have no doubt that you will have command of the Exeter - the idea of everyone knowing we're together not because of the rumor mill, but because you are choosing to make that statement publicly - well, it makes me feel ridiculously happy, just so you know.

As for your p.t., I've checked all your med records and I've spoken with your team. Chris, you're right on track to be medically cleared. Your expectations of yourself are too high. You don't need to be in the shape you were in before the injuries in order to pass the physical. You'll get there, but it doesn't need to be all at once. Yeah, you've hit a bit of a plateau, but if you'll recall, I expected that, and accounted for it, in your treatment plan. I'll check you out myself when I'm there, but from everything I can tell, Chris, your recovery has been nothing short of miraculous, due mostly to your own incredible strength of will (or, to put it another way, your goddamned mule-headedness).

All right, first the uncomfortable part and then onto the good stuff. Am I attracted to Jim? I guess I'd have to say yes and no, but mostly no. Let me explain, before you get upset. He's a good-looking man. I'd have to be blind not to notice that. (He's also, by the way, entirely straight, apart from a very brief experimentation phase during the Academy - which, in case you're wondering, did not include any experimentation with me.) But Chris - in many ways he's also a child, and in many ways he's a train wreck. He's starting to grow up some - I think his command responsibilities are helping with that. As I said before, he needs me, and I need him - in a different, and in some sense deeper way than as lovers. He needs to know he can always rely on me, and vice versa, and anything sexual would only complicate that and undermine it. Maybe some people can keep sex entirely separate from romance and have it not affect a friendship, but I'm not one of them. So maybe there was a moment, back when we first met, that things could have gone in a different direction - if he weren't terminally straight, if I'd been willing to risk my heart at that point - but he is, I wasn't, and they didn't. That moment is gone now, completely and totally. And Chris, I wouldn't want it to be any different. I'm not going to lie and say that I love him like a brother - it's more complicated than that, and I think you know it. But I don't love him in a romantic way, or a sexual way. In other words, I don't love him the way I love you. It's not more or less, it's just different. I feel like I'm doing a shitty job of explaining this. I hope you know what I'm trying to say here. Let me just add that Jim - as much as I love him, I'd never say that I'm his, because I'm not. But Chris, I'm yours, in every possible sense of the word. Jim needs me right now, and I'm not going to let him down. But if I have my way, Chris - you're my future. You're the one I'm going to grow old with, and between now and then I'm going to grab every moment I can with you. Does that help at all?

All right, onto the good stuff, and damn, Chris, there was a lot of it during your visit. Right now what I'm remembering most times when I jerk off is how we made love in that huge bathtub in your guest quarters. I've never had sex in water before, but I really want to do it again. Somehow the water heightened the sensations - I don't know why, really, but every time you so much as brushed against my skin, my entire body shuddered. And when I pushed into you, I remember that you felt even hotter than the water, and so tight around me... We fucked so slowly, just barely rippling the water with our movements as we kissed and touched. It was so incredibly intimate. I can't even really describe it, but Chris, I felt - I don't know, I felt known in a way I've never been known before, and I felt like I knew you too, saw things about you that you don't show to anyone else. Am I wrong? God, I hope not, because it was unbelievable.

All right, on that note, I'm going to sign off, fuck my hand and pretend I'm fucking you, and then fall asleep and dream of you. I'll talk to you on Sunday. Not sure if you knew this, but that's my birthday. It'll be a nice birthday present to get to see you.

All my love,

To: Leonard McCoy (
From: Christopher Pike (

Dear Len,

Don't worry, I think I outgrew my fascination with snakes a long time ago. And after having that centaurian slug in me, I'm not really looking to have any kind of creature even remotely close to that near me.

My parents, well, I guess I'm fairly close to them. I'm very close to my grandmother. She's a spitfire. Her name is Kathleen. She was born in what used to be Newfoundland and Labrador, now part of Greenland. She was married to my grandfather, Lewis, for 73 years. Pretty amazing. My parents are Josh and Willa. I didn't tell you the complete truth before. Yes, my father is a diplomat, but before that, he was a Starfleet Admiral. He was not happy that I joined Starfleet, as he was unhappy with the politics, which is why after he had thirty-five years in, he left for the Federation Diplomatic Corps. While he is technically retired, he still occasionally works for them, much to my mother's dismay. We were estranged for quite awhile, my father and I, but we have a pretty good relationship now. He was very strict growing up, one reason why I left when I turned seventeen.

I really didn't spend that much time off world. Of course my father was gone a lot, but since his specialty was diplomacy, he mostly just traveled to planets we already had treaties with, basically as a glorified ass kisser to keep new federations planets happy. I did travel off world during summer breaks at times with my mother, if he was somewhere safe for an extended period. Otherwise, it was my mom and her parents out at the homestead. My father's parents, who were researchers, died in an accident at Starbase V when I was four, so I never really knew them.

As far as my music, well, I mostly play guitar, both electric and acoustic. I can fudge my way around a keyboard enough to do a bit of composing. Not a lot of time for that anymore. I haven't picked up my guitar in years now. The last time was probably about four years ago when the guys and I got together for old times' sake. I'd be glad to play something for you though, as long as you don't mind that I'm probably rusty as hell.

Fishing huh? I can't say that I have done a lot of fishing, especially growing up in the desert. All we had nearby was the old air force base, that they use for building warp cores now. Admiral Archer will put some lines out when we go out on his boat, but that's about it. I think it would be something I would enjoy though. You'll have to teach me.

As far as the stuff with Jim, I think I need some more time before we discuss that further. I'm working with an actual couples counselor, that's who Dr. Rossen referred me to. I'm trying to work through my issues. I told you I was serious about making this work, Len. Maybe we can talk more about it during our vidcomm, but since it's your birthday, it's probably not the best subject to bring up. Thank you for everything you said in your last letter though. I don't want you to think it didn't help, because in some ways it did, in other ways, it kind of made things worse. I will work through it though.

I don't want you to worry though. So please don't read what I just wrote and get all paranoid. God, I love being with you, Len. That time in the bathtub; well it was the single most intimate erotic encounter of my life. That's how I'd describe it. I felt the same way, kissing you, breathing you in as you slid in and out of me. I never, well to be a sappy old fool, felt more complete in my life, Len. You make me feel like that. And I'm just trying to deal with my irrational jealousy the only way I know how right now. Just know that I love you, and I'll talk about it when I've figured it out myself.

Thank you for your encouragement about the p.t. and my command. Hearing you tell me I'm right on schedule, even if it isn't where I want to be, does make me feel better. I just don't know what I'd do if I don't go out on the Exeter, so that's been weighing on my mind a lot. I'm also having some nerve problems in lower back, which was causing the spasms I'd been having. I'm working with a Chinese healer though, being treated with acupuncture, and it's helped immensely. You aren't the only one who prefers old-fashioned medicine sometimes.

I'm tired. It's been a long week. So I'm going to sign off. I'm looking forward to talking to you, seeing you tomorrow.

Love you,

Part 8 here.

Tags: fic: trek, pairing: pike/mccoy, series: to talk of many things
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