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31 July 2006 @ 06:36 pm
So I was walking to my car today after work, and I saw this mother and her young daughter (probably 5 or so) walking ahead of me. The girl was asking her mom why she couldn't do something-or-other but the mom could, and the mom said "Because I'm a grown-up. I get to do what I want." This made me want to laugh bitterly and cry at the same time. Because, really, as an adult I have so much less freedom than I did as a kid. I mean, my life basically consists of work, eat, sleep, clean house, pay bills, repeat. I don't get to do what I want most of the time.

I don't want to sound ungrateful or self-pitying. I mean, I've got a great life - fantastic husband, wonderful family, great friends, decent job, a roof over my head, basically everything I could want. But, man, being a grown-up sucks a lot of the time. The one thing in my life that's truly my very own, that I do just for the sheer pleasure of it, is my fannish stuff. That stuff just makes me so happy. Writing fic, reading fic, discussing fandoms with other similarly-obsessed people, watching the shows/reading the books - that stuff is pure gold. And I'm so glad that I've found a ton of other people who are obsessed as well.

So, anyway, I wanted to give a heartfelt thank you to all of you out there in lj land who get this stuff and who create a place where we can all be happy obsessed fannish geeks together. Especially thanks to those who have been the (very patient) recipients of my massively verbose fannish outpourings (you know who you are!)

Love and kisses to you all!
How do I feel?: okayokay
Fenrissfenriss on August 1st, 2006 04:40 am (UTC)
I totally know what you mean!

Now, I’ll tell you that I personally had a pretty lousy childhood, and spent the whole time wishing I could be an adult. For… complex reasons I won’t attempt to summarize here (think more along the lines of “criminally neglected only child” rather than actual abuse or anything.) I find adulthood has more to recommend it, at least in that it is far less lonely.

But even so, you are right that being an adult sucks in many ways. I’m not so sure it’s the particular phase of life we’re in, so much as it is our lack of control over the circumstances of life in general. We have to spend so much of our time and energy just accomplishing our mundane tasks, whether they are keeping body and soul together, keeping some kind of authority figure off our backs, or making sure we’ll have some degree of comfort when our abilities to be productive inevitably wane. It would be easy to get pretty grim and fatalistic about it.

I wish I could definitively explain why fannish pursuits are such a perfect remedy for that life-long drudgery. For me, it’s almost like a pain-killing drug. I sometimes wonder if there might be a genetic factor, since it’s such a strong compulsion for some of us, while other folks don’t get it at all.

Once in a while, when my “fandom girlfriend” is in town, we’ll hole up for a few days in a hotel room with a huge load of DVDs and all the snacks and wine we need. It’s like food for the soul to have people with whom you can do that sort of thing!

I’ll stop babbling now. Thanks for your amazing fic, m’dear!

Skyskyblue_reverie on August 1st, 2006 05:06 am (UTC)
Thank you for replying to this! For some reason, I'm feeling pretty down right now, so it's nice to know that other people get this stuff, y'know?

And you're right about childhood not being a bed of roses either. I mean, I had a pretty idyllic childhood, but even so, it had its share of bumps. I definitely tend to look at the past through rose-colored glasses, I know. And you're right that there are many advantages to adulthood. But yeah, so much of it just seems to be spent in drudgery. And it's such a cliche, I know, but time speeds up the older you get. Not that I'm ancient or anything, but I've found that now that I'm in a job rather than in school, it's so easy for days, weeks, and months to just slip away without me even hardly noticing. To quote my beloved Pink Floyd, "And then one day you find 10 years have got behind you/No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun." In fact, that whole song is seeming pretty apropos to me right now.

I think you're really onto something with the genetic component to fannishness. I know that alcoholism runs in my family, so I make it a point to avoid drinking & drugs and that kind of stuff. But I think somewhere in my DNA is that addictive gene, and it's found this outlet. I've seen these "___, my anti-drug" icons everywhere on lj (e.g. "Slash, my anti-drug") based off of those cheesy tv commercials. But I really think there's truth to it. Slash is my anti-drug, and as you put it, my painkiller. God knows we all need something.

And you're lucky to have a fandom gf! I don't know anyone in real life who's nearly as obsessed as I am, so I have to get my jollies on lj. :)

And you're welcome for the fic, and please don't stop babbling - I love your babbles! *g*
kryptydkryptyd on August 1st, 2006 08:01 am (UTC)
That's terrible! That's like something a Roald Dahl character would tell to a child. Actually, the dad from Matilda does say something like that at one point.

Fandom is a great thing to have all right, although sometimes it goes too far. I couldn't sleep last night for thinking of the things that two evil twin characters could do to the main character in my new thing, Gakuen Heaven (a ridiculous, shuonen ai thingie)
Skyskyblue_reverie on August 1st, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC)
Oh, interesting about Roald Dahl & Matilda, I didn't know that. I never read much Dahl - as a kid, I actually read Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, but never Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Strange, I know.

Fandom going too far? Never! *g* I know what you mean, though, about fandom thoughts filling every waking moment, including ones where I should be sleeping!
it's worse than that, it's physics, Jimparaoptomistic on August 2nd, 2006 01:40 am (UTC)
I guess it depends on what kind of an adult you are. An adult is really only accountable to him/herself, and whatever God or lack of one you believe in. You have to obey the law, or you pay the consequences, but even at that you are certainly AWARE of the consequences. So, yes, you have more freedom, but if you are responsible, you use it less.

BTW...love love love your fic!
Skyskyblue_reverie on August 2nd, 2006 01:48 am (UTC)
You make a very good point. I guess my problem is that I'm just too damn responsible. *g* Always have been, actually.

And thank you so much! It gives me true pleasure to write fic and share it with you lovely people out there in J/W land!
purplesyringes on August 2nd, 2006 04:36 am (UTC)

Some people, huh? The only time people get to do what they want is during that strange twilight time between childhood and adulthood. (Did that make sense? It's, like, midnight or so, so...my brain = soup.) I've always hated the "because I told you so", or "I'm the grown-up and you have to listen" stuff. Never made any bloody sense...

I absolutely hate being an adult half the time.

Fandom is a great hobby, I tell you. Especially if there's a whole bunch of people out there that squee over the same thing. Fandom is a group activity! ^_^

(BTW, can I friend you? If not, it's cool, but...yeah...)
Skyskyblue_reverie on August 2nd, 2006 04:53 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you! *hugs back*

I think it absolutely make sense (and that's a lovely image too - the "strange twilight time between childhood and adulthood"). For me, the latter years of high school and all of college were that time - still supported financially by my parents (very lucky, I know; not everyone has that luxury), but pretty much free to do what I wanted, take classes that interested me, stay out late at night, not worry too much about the future, all that stuff.

But, yeah, now that I'm a full-grown adult-type person and responsible for my own bills and stuff, it's quite a different story. I mean, I can stay up all night if I want (and believe me, I have, especially when I get going on fannish stuff) but I can't just cut class the next day - I've still got to haul my ass to work.

There just aren't enough hours in the day for the fun stuff, and too much time is spent on the crap stuff. I know it's the same for everyone, I don't have it uniquely bad or anything (in fact I'm remarkably fortunate) but I still like to whinge sometimes. *g*

The saving grace in all of this is fandom. It truly is such a huge, central thing in my life. And being part of a community of other similarly-obsessed people, well... I don't even know how to describe how amazing it is to me to be among fellow fannish people. Such a relief to be able to squee endlessly about this stuff without being considered a total freak!

And of course you may friend me! I shall friend you back post-haste. :)