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01 February 2010 @ 08:15 am
trek fic: CMO for Sale  
Title: CMO for Sale
Author: skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Kirk/McCoy (with hints of Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chekov, and lots of crewmembers lusting after the good doc, because really, who in their right mind wouldn't?)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Word Count: around 1300
Summary: One of those charity-auction-thingies is held on the Enterprise for the Starfleet Children's Fund. Our favorite captain buys a clue.
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anything whatsoever is purely coincidental.
A/N : Just a little something I whipped up the other day for andrealyn's birthday based on her prompt. Happy birthday, bb!

Bones was looking downright murderous as he stood on the stage at the front of the ship's largest rec hall. Jim smirked. This had been the best idea ever. He just hoped Bones never found out about the marked card deck he'd used to win the poker game that led to Bones' presence here tonight. He sat back and waited for the entertainment to begin.

Uhura - serving as the evening's emcee and auctioneer - went into her sales pitch. "I know you've all been dreaming about taking revenge on the doctor for those physicals we endured before the last shore leave. Now's your chance! Step right up and bid on 24 hours' servitude from our very own CMO, Leonard McCoy!"

At this, Bones scowled and crossed his arms. Unfortunately for him, this only had the effect of making the tuxedo he was wearing tighten intriguingly across broad shoulders. Huh. Jim had never realized how well-built his friend was. An appreciative sigh arose from the audience in response to Bones' movement.

Uhura, always quick on the uptake, seized on the moment. "That's right, crewmembers. The way this man fills out 21st century formalwear ought to be against regulations. Now who wants to open the bidding for this fine specimen? Do I hear twenty credits? Remember, people, it's for the Starfleet Children's Fund!"

"Twenty credits!" That was Chapel, looking downright evil. No doubt anticipating the chance of getting some sweet revenge on her notoriously cranky boss.

"Twenty-five!" That was Ensign Snyder, who had a well-known crush on the CMO. Jim snickered internally as Bones looked slightly panicked.

"Fifty!" yelled Yeoman Rand with a distinct gleam in her eye, and wait a minute, when had that happened? She was supposed to be into Jim.

"One hundred credits." Spock said it smoothly, impassively. Bones looked like he was going to have apoplexy, and Jim goggled. What the hell did his First Officer want with Bones? They didn't even get along! ...Oh. Spock was probably looking for some payback for Bones' barrage of dubiously-tasteful comments about Spock's heritage. Jim relaxed a bit.

"Two hundred." That was Chapel again, and she had her determined face on, which as Jim knew from personal - and painful - experience, meant business.

"Two-fifty." Snyder again, looking pissed.

"Three hundred." Spock.

"Three-hundred and tventy-five credits," piped up a nervous voice from the back, and Jim would know that accent anywhere. Sure enough, Chekov was bright red and Sulu, sitting a few rows behind him, had a look on his face that made Jim glad he wasn't carrying his katana at that moment. Yikes. He didn't even want to know what was going on between those two, but there was no way Chekov was using his Bones in some kind of ploy to make Sulu jealous, which had to be what was happening, because Chekov wouldn't have any other reason for bidding on Bones, would he?

"Five hundred!" It looked like Chapel had rounded up several of the nurses and they were pooling their resources now. Uh-oh, this was going to get ugly. Why had he thought this was a good idea again?

There was a brief pause, and Uhura quickly filled the silence. "Come on, you guys! You know you want the doc here at your beck and call. Look at this man! Who wouldn't want a piece of that? Sexy, gorgeous, and incredibly talented hands. Plus, a detailed knowledge of anatomy." Her voice was dipping into a totally inappropriate contralto and now Jim's stomach was churning. This wasn't funny anymore. Bones, on the other hand, seemed to be actually calming down a bit, now looking more irritatedly resigned than anything else.

A murmur spread across the room as everyone considered Uhura's words and took another lingering look at McCoy to assess him. Jim had to concede that Bones was hot, all dressed up but with a bit of stubble dusting his face. He still had his arms crossed, showing off strong biceps, and he was tapping his foot in impatience with one eyebrow raised, just like he did whenever Jim whined about not wanting to go down to sickbay. How come he'd never realized how come-hither that look was?

"Now, I can't advocate anything illicit, and you all know I'd never encourage fraternization between crewmates." There was a scattering of muffled snorts and chuckles. "But just think about what a great backrub he'd give."

At that, Jim swore he heard whimpers - actual fucking whimpers - from at least half his crew. Shit, this had been the worst idea ever. What had he been thinking?

"Five hundred and fifty." At Spock's renewed bid, Uhura's eyes narrowed a little bit. Uh-oh. He'd better step in - totally out of an altruistic desire to keep the peace between his comms officer and his XO, of course.

"One thousand." There was a little intake of breath around the room at the amount, and Jim smirked. No one else had commanded a bid nearly this high. Bones deserved to have the highest bid, though, and Jim was glad he could make that happen.

Bones, though, didn't look grateful - in fact, he was glaring daggers in Jim's direction. Jim widened his eyes and shrugged innocently. What?

There was some furious whispering, then the cadre of nurses, led by Chapel, spoke up again. "One thousand and - "

"Ten thousand." He heard the words coming out of his own mouth, flat and final, and even he was a little surprised. The rest of the room was stunned into complete silence. Even Bones looked flabbergasted, mouth gaping open and oh, that was giving Jim all sorts of dirtywrong thoughts about the uses he could find for that mouth and oh lord what the hell was going on here?

Uhura recovered first, naturally. "All right! The first bidding of the night from the Captain, and he's showing us how it's done. Ten thousand credits for the Children's Fund, for the pleasure of the CMO's company for one full day and night. Anyone else? Anyone?" She didn't actually sound like she expected any other bids.

Jim swept his gaze across the room, uneasily aware that he was pretty much glowering and daring anyone to so much as think about topping his bid for Bones. Spock opened his mouth, and maybe it was just to make a comment to his neighbor or, hell, to breathe, but Jim didn't wait to find out.

"Twenty thousand," Jim said.

Now Uhura looked totally flummoxed. "But, Captain, the last bid was yours, and you can't - " she quickly came to her senses and cut herself off. "Okay, twenty thousand for the doctor! Sold to Captain Kirk!"

Bones' mouth closed with an abrupt snap, and oh crap, now he looked like he was ready to tear Jim's lungs out. Uhura was still talking, though. "And I think, in honor of the highest bid of the evening, twenty thousand credits to the Starfleet Children's Fund, Doctor McCoy here should give Captain Kirk a little token of appreciation. What do you all think? Should the doc give the captain a kiss?"

There was a massive roar of approval throughout the entire rec hall. Now Bones had his panicked face on, and oh yeah, that was much better than the rage, although the rage was pretty damn sexy as well. And Jim didn't know when the hell he'd started lusting after his best friend and CMO, but hey, he'd always been good at rolling with the punches.

He stalked forward towards the stage, giving Bones his most predatory, I'm-coming-for-you-you-sexy-beast face, which he knew from past experience was pretty bewitching. Bones' eyes widened as Jim got closer. Jim zeroed in on Bones' lips - and how had he never noticed how lush and pink and downright pretty those lips were - and Bones' tongue flicked out nervously, wetting them. Jim growled, low in his throat, as he mounted the stairs. Then he seized Bones' face, threaded his fingers into Bones' hair, and to the sound of the shouted encouragement of his entire crew, he planted a slow, deep kiss onto those lips. It only took a second until he could feel Bones' surrender and then his fervent response.

Oh yeah, this had been the best idea ever.

How do I feel?: geekygeeky
severinne on February 1st, 2010 04:52 pm (UTC)
Okay, I had to click on this because the premise alone made me giggle, and damned if the fic itself wasn't even more hilarious. I've got a massive grin on my face now and couldn't stop cracking up every time Spock placed a bid - especially that last one and Uhura's glowering disapproval, LOL.

Best Monday morning fic EVER. Nice first kiss, too. *g*
Sky: [star trek aos] first date jittersskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 06:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I can't claim credit for the premise - that was all andrealyn, but I'm glad you enjoyed the fic too. :D

Happy I could brighten your Monday morning!
emaboutademongirl on February 1st, 2010 04:54 pm (UTC)
Um. I'll just... I'll just be in my bunk. (Oh, my god, I would kill - more likely maim, but yeah - for a 'five times' fic describing everyone else's decisions to buy the CMO for a night and then their reactions to Kirk's victoooiiirrree).
Sky: [star trek aos] bones worried profileskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 06:33 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! Yeah, I kinda wonder too what some of them were thinking. Did Spock really want Bones or just want to torture him? Did Chekov lust after Bones or was he just trying to spur Sulu to FINALLY make a move? And what were all those nurses going to do with McCoy? ;)

Thanks for the comment, hon.
Tour Guide Barbie: snugglykinderjedi on February 1st, 2010 04:57 pm (UTC)
*grins* This was an excellent start to my Monday morning.
Sky: [star trek aos] bones scruffyskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 06:35 pm (UTC)
Yay! I'm glad I could help make Monday a little better. :)
melovetvmelovetv on February 1st, 2010 05:10 pm (UTC)
OMG - such a great fic. I love how funny and sexy it is, with Jim coming to the realisation that he wanted Bones and just going with it!

Spock bidding was hilarious - would love to know what's going on in his head. But I'm glad Jim made sure he was going to win and no-one else had a chance!

And the description of Bones in a tux certainly didn't hurt!

*sits back to contemplate Karl Urban in a tux*
Sky: [star trek aos] karl hand to foreheadskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
Why thank you so much! I love funny + sexy in fics, so I'm always super-thrilled if I hit that combo myself.

I kind of want to know what was going on in Spock's head myself. You just never know with him - he's tricky that way. ;)

Mmmm, KU in a tux. *happy, happy place*
nicdisturbinglynic on February 1st, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
i think you post while i'm at work just so i can start laughing while i'm trying to answer the phone. yes. not that i'm complaining or anything. so what i'm really trying to say is- i love this :)
Sky: [star trek aos] kirk smileskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 06:46 pm (UTC)
Oh NOES! You have exposed my super-seekrit evil plot! :D

I'm glad you enjoyed, hon, and that I could brighten your workday! Thanks for the comment, as always, bb.
(Deleted comment)
Sky: [star trek aos] crewskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 06:48 pm (UTC)
I somehow suspected you might enjoy the hint of Sulu/Chekov. :) And I totally love flustered!Jim, especially when he's flustered over Bones, so I'm right there with you. :D

Thanks for the crack-love, bb.

firstlawfirstlaw on February 1st, 2010 06:52 pm (UTC)
When Jim doubled to 20 thousand Just In Case I was actually and literally ROFLMAO. This was priceless! and sexy! Good one! :-)
Sky: [star trek aos] b&w bones pursed lipsskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 07:30 pm (UTC)
Hee! Yay!! I am very proud that I inspired literal ROFLMAOs. \o/

Thanks for the comment, bb!
shadowclubshadowclub on February 1st, 2010 07:05 pm (UTC)
Haha, this was highly amusing! I'm glad Jim came to his senses!
Sky: [star trek aos] bones nameskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 07:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Me too. And I think Bones is relieved too. And Uhura, and Sulu. :p

Glad you enjoyed. :D
snowinginjune: need a drinksnowinginjune on February 1st, 2010 07:11 pm (UTC)
jesus.... yes... i would leave a better comment but i havent slept in 4 days and i had read the first sentence five times before realizing i was reading the same sentence five times
but OOOOOOOh i really liked this! cheers, mate!
Sky: [star trek aos] bones healerskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 07:32 pm (UTC)
Oh, no, honey! Go get some sleep! All the fics will still be here on teh intarwebz when you get back.

Thanks for reading and commenting despite your exhaustion, bb! :)
snoewhite: dammitjimsnoewhite on February 1st, 2010 07:19 pm (UTC)
*claps wildly*
Totally agree! *nods*
I think a sequel is in order for this one!
Sky: [star trek aos] barechested dammit jimskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 07:34 pm (UTC)
Aww, thanks! I can't claim credit for the idea, that was all andrealyn, but I loved the prompt too. I'm happy you enjoyed it! :D

As for a sequel, maybe I'll just cheat and say this was a prequel to my massive!penis!Bones fics. ;)
(no subject) - snoewhite on February 1st, 2010 10:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 10:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - snoewhite on February 1st, 2010 10:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
near_familynear_family on February 1st, 2010 07:37 pm (UTC)
Awwww, Bones on the stage, all grumpy and irritable. SO SEXY! I also adore the nurses banding together to get their hands on him. XD

20,000? Totally worth it. Hurray for the bidding-clue-by-four!

Lovely, funny fic! :D
Sky: [star trek aos] jim determinedskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 07:44 pm (UTC)
ITA that grumpy!Bones is infeasibly sexy. Ha, I really would love to know what the nurses had in mind for Bones if they'd won. Bones would've either really enjoyed it (sickbay orgy!) or really hated it (make him clean the bedpans as payback for all the bitchy comment's he's made!). :D

Oh, man, yes, I would blow my life savings to buy Bones for the day (not that my life savings amounts to much, mind.) ;) But yeah, I don't think Jim will have buyer's remorse at ALL.

Thanks for reading and commenting, hon!
do not question, only obeysororexitium on February 1st, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC)
That was beyond epic! Bones in a tux and Uhura totally feeding into peoples imaginations. And Jim outbidding himself! Silly man, pay attention.

This was so much love!!
Sky: [star trek aos] jim omgskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 08:46 pm (UTC)
woo-hoo! Thank you for such lovely comments!

Ha, I have no idea why McCoy was in a tux (as opposed to his dress uniform or whatever passes as formalwear in the 23rd century), but the image was too lovely to let go of. :D

Uhura is good at her job - she knows how to communicate, bb! And with Bones, there's just so much sexiness to communicate. I do kind of love flustered!Jim outbidding himself. He was distracted by Bones' hotness, though, so I can't really blame him. :D

AQ aka Syredronning: mccoy_reboot_happysyredronning on February 1st, 2010 08:43 pm (UTC)
Oooh funny. Poor Bones, and I love how Jim throws the money in the ring and WANTS him *G* Especially the 20thousand were killing me. He.

Thank you, I needed something happy tonight!
Sky: [star trek aos] kirk smileskyblue_reverie on February 1st, 2010 08:50 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear you are in need of happy-making, but I'm glad I could help on that front. *hugs*

Yeah, I think once Jim makes up his mind, look out - there's no stopping him! And, you know, he's got this swanky captain's salary and probably not that much that he wants to spend it on, so why not? It's for a good cause (and by that I mean Jim/Bones loving, not the Children's Fund, although that's prolly a good cause too.).

Thanks for the comments, hon. :D
blcwriterblcwriter on February 1st, 2010 10:51 pm (UTC)

And the winner, for best line in a fic this week! No contest!
Sky: [star trek tos] jim srs faceskyblue_reverie on February 2nd, 2010 01:38 am (UTC)

*blinks back tears, climbs steps to accept award*
I'd like to thank my mom, and god, and all the fans who got me here, and all the other nominees because it's such an honor just to be nominated, and...

oh, wait, you mean there's no actual award? *slinks away*
As you were.


thanks, bb
Anrui Ukimi: ST - Chris Pine & Karl Urban - Dream Teaanruiukimi on February 1st, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC)
Best Tuesday morning for me! :D



<3 <3
Sky: [star trek aos] karl D faceskyblue_reverie on February 2nd, 2010 01:39 am (UTC)
Yay! Glad I could brighten your tuesday!

And, er, sorry? :D?

♥ ♥