Sky (skyblue_reverie) wrote,

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trek fic: Second Thoughts

Title: Second Thoughts
Author: skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Kirk/McCoy
Rating: PG-13, for bad words
Summary: An Academy-era snippet wherein Jim is sulky and jealous manfully brooding.
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Word Count: 999
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anything whatsoever is purely coincidental.
A/N: Alpha-read by wemblee. Beta-read by lindmere. Thanks so much to both of you, bbs. Written for the prompt "Ain't No Sunshine When [S]he's Gone" over at the star trek ship wars.

Jim growled and threw down his PADD, giving up even the pretense of reading. The song he'd been playing on repeat for the last two hours looped and started up again, soulful and sad. Jesus Christ, where was Bones?

It was 0200 hours - two in the fucking morning, for god's sake - and Bones hadn't come back to their dorm room yet. At this point, he really shouldn't expect him back, and didn't that thought just suck all the sunshine out of the room. Never mind that it was the middle of the night and so technically there wasn't any sunshine anyway. If he wanted to use melodramatic metaphors in his own mind, he was damn well going to.

It wasn't like he had any room to complain. Whatever they were to each other - more than friends, less than spouses, although with the amount of nagging Bones did it sometimes felt like they were married - exclusivity wasn't part of the deal. That had been Jim's rule. Bones didn't like it, Jim knew he didn't, but he'd just raised an eyebrow and said that if Jim got to sleep around, then it was only fair that he be able to as well. Jim couldn't really deny the justice of that, so he'd agreed.

But now, at 0213, he was starting to question whether it was really what he wanted. Maybe it was time to change the deal. Then he pictured the incredibly hot redheaded Orion cadet - he thought her name started with a B, or maybe a G - who'd been flirting with him in their astronavigation class, and his resolution faltered. He really wanted to hit that. Then he imagined Bones with that same gorgeous Orion girl, and his stomach churned. Jesus, what was wrong with him? He'd never been this conflicted over sex. It was just two - or more - beings seeking a bit of harmless physical release, right? Hmm, maybe a threesome with him and Bones and the Orion girl? No, there was the sick feeling again that he got whenever he thought about Bones with anyone but him.

While Jim was trying to deal with this tangle of uncomfortable thoughts, the door shushed open and Bones walked in, looking exhausted, his uniform rumpled and his hair mussed. Jim's mind immediately spun through a thousand possible explanations, and he liked each one less than the last. Where the fuck had Bones been?

"Where have you been?" He was trying for casual, unconcerned, maybe a touch curious, but the words sounded petulant and accusatory, even to his own ears.

Bones scowled. Shit, that really shouldn't have been so sexy. "What the hell are you listening to, Jim? Some guy repeating 'I know I know I know I know'? That's what passes for music in your world?"

Jim flushed and hastily hit the "stop" button on his player.

"Shut up, it's a classic. So anyway, who were you with? That leggy brunette who was checking you out in the mess hall yesterday? Way to go, man!"

Bones looked at him with eyes that saw far too much, then shook his head. "Jim, I was in the library, alone. Studying. You know, that thing that some of us non-genius types have to do in order to pass our classes?"

"Oh." Shit, he'd been angsting like a stupid teenager for nothing.

"Yeah, 'oh'." Bones cocked an eyebrow. "Something you want to talk about, Jim?"

"No, why would there be?" Jim asked innocently, but he could see the frustrated disappointment on Bones' face. And Bones wondered why he always got his ass kicked at poker.

"I can't think of a single reason. Good night." Bones trudged off toward the shower.


Bones froze, his rigid back somehow conveying both vulnerability and hope. How could a back be so expressive? Problem was, Jim had no idea what to say. Well, he'd wing it.

"I heard Uhura and her roommate - you know, that hot Orion, I think her name's Baila? - talking about getting drinks tomorrow at Riptide. Wanna come with me? You can distract Uhura while I get to know Baila." Oh, Christ, that was lame. What the fuck was wrong with him? But then, he really wanted to have sex with the Orion girl. Was that such a crime? He was young, he had wild oats to sow. So sue him.

Then Bones' shoulders slumped, and he felt like an asshole.

"Kid, I'm too tired for this shit. I'll think about it tomorrow." Somehow, Jim knew that Bones wasn't talking about going to the bar with him. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. He couldn't lose Bones, couldn't.

He opened his mouth to improvise something else, but Bones was already gone, the bathroom door closing firmly behind him and the lock engaging before Jim heard the hum of the sonics starting up. Not an invitation to join him, then. Too bad - Jim was pretty good at cajoling Bones out of a funk with mind-blowing sex.

The thing was, Bones loved him. Jim couldn't fathom why, but he could see it in his eyes whenever Bones looked at him, could feel it in the gentleness of his fingertips whenever they touched. But that love wouldn't last forever, not without more than what Jim was offering. He knew he had a window with Bones, and it was closing. Hell, he himself was forcing it shut every time he had meaningless - albeit fun - sex with anyone else. Even if their friendship did survive the end of this... whatever it was, it would never be the same again. And he would've lost the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Moment of truth time, then. And really, it wasn't such a hard choice after all. He wanted Bones, needed him like he needed air. He'd just tell him, and then they'd live happily ever after or some shit. It was settled. He nodded firmly.

...Well, maybe he'd fuck Baila first.

Tags: fic: trek, pairing: kirk/mccoy
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