Title: Kobayashi Maru Part 2: Ahab's Quest
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Kirk/McCoy
Warnings: Hm, should I warn for bad sex?
Word Count: around 1500
Summary: Jim attempts to conquer Bones' MASSIVE PEEN. It'll make a bit more sense if you've read this first, but it's not necessary.
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anything whatsoever is purely coincidental.
A/N : The WTFery continues! Utterly lol-tastic title courtesy of ennui_blue_lite, my BFF and partner in
"Sweet Jesus, Jim, watch the teeth!"
"Sorry, Bones," Jim said, pulling away once again. "It's your fault for having such a gigantic dick, though. How is anyone supposed to get their mouth around this without their teeth getting in the way?"
Bones clenched his jaw. "Cover your teeth with your lips. And stop trying to deep-throat, for god's sake."
Jim gamely dived back in, this time covering up his teeth, but he couldn't manage much more than the head, and that wasn't enough stimulation to do anything but drive McCoy up the goddamn wall.
Still, the visual was something to behold, Jim on his knees, mouth wide and lips wrapped obscenely around his cock, trying valiantly not to choke as he took as much of it as he could. Jim's look of intense concentration was downright flattering, as he focused all of his considerable mental energy into making this as good as he could for Bones. Unfortunately, that still wasn't all that good.
Finally after a few more minutes of Jim's dogged but unsuccessful efforts to get a rhythm going with his mouth, Bones threaded his fingers into Jim's hair and tugged him off.
"This isn't working, Jim. We're gonna have to try something else."
"No problem," said Jim nonchalantly. "I'll just have to get some more practice."
"And how were you planning to get this practice, Jim?"
"Oh, I'm going to pick up some dildoes in graduated sizes so I can work my way up," Jim said, with utterly casual matter-of-factness. Bones boggled, but Jim was already continuing. "So, you wanna fuck me now?"
He spluttered. "Jim, you couldn't even take me in your mouth; trust me, you're not gonna like it if I stick it in your ass."
"You never know until you try, right Bones?" Jim was smiling, but he had that look on his face, the look of unholy determination that said he wasn't going to quit until he got his way.
Bones internally groaned and admitted this was a losing battle; still, it wouldn't do to set a precedent of giving in too easily. "No way, Jim. Not gonna happen." Of course, that had been the exact wrong thing to say to James T. Kirk, he realized as soon as he saw Jim's jaw set in mulish stubbornness. He tried another tack. "Jim, I'll tear you apart. I couldn't stand it if I hurt you. Please don't ask that of me."
Jim's face softened, but he still looked determined. "You won't, Bones. You'll go slow, and I'll be fine. You have done this before, right? And your other partners survived, I'm assuming." He got on the bed on his hands and knees, threw a challenging look over his shoulder. "Come on, old man, show me what you've got."
Bones rolled his eyes but conceded defeat, moving to kneel behind Jim. He grabbed the lube that Jim had put on the nightstand and slicked up his fingers. He took his time preparing Jim, working up to three fingers, spreading them apart inside of Jim, working them as deep into Jim's ass as he could. It still wasn't going to really get Jim ready for him, but it was the best he could do.
Jim certainly seemed to be enjoying himself, pushing back against McCoy's fingers and demanding more. He shifted so he was bearing all his weight on one arm, palming his own cock as McCoy worked on his ass. Finally, McCoy deemed that Jim was as ready as he was going to get, and lined up. He pushed gently, then with increasing pressure as Jim's entrance stayed stubbornly closed to him.
"Relax, Jim, or it's not going to go in."
"I am relaxed, man," Jim said with slight irritation. "Just do it already." Bones rolled his eyes. He pushed harder, and slowly, Jim's hole widened enough that the head of Bones' cock sank into him. Bones exhaled. Fuck, that was good.
Apparently not so much for Jim, though, as he had gone still and silent. "Jim?" Bones asked in concern. "You all right there?"
"Yeah, fine," Jim said in a strangled tone which indicated that he clearly wasn't all right. "Give me more."
Bones sighed. "I don't think you're ready for more, yet. How about I just pause for a minute here?"
"Yeah, okay," Jim said, and his ready acquiescence confirmed Bones' suspicions. He held himself still for a few minutes, despite his body's frantic impulses to bury itself deep in Jim's tight little ass. Finally, he felt Jim loosening around him a little, and he pushed forward infinitesimally. Jim instantly tensed up again, gasped in pain, and Bones pulled back in reaction. His cock came out completely, and Jim's hole tightened up into a tiny pucker as if it had no intention of allowing any foreign object to penetrate it ever again.
"God damn it, Jim," he growled. "This is not going to work."
Jim flipped over onto his back. "No, we just need to try another position." He spread his legs and rested his calves on Bones' shoulders. "Come on, try it again."
Bones grumbled, but worked his fingers into Jim's hole again. Jim's flagging erection came back to life quite nicely, but as soon as Bones tried to push his cock in, Jim hissed in pain and it deflated again. Bones pulled back immediately.
Jim made him try three more positions, but finally, after half an hour, even Jim was about ready to give up in frustration. Bones had long since abandoned hope and was now gritting his teeth and just waiting for Jim to get tired of what he was doing.
"Ow!" Jim complained, from where he was straddling Bones, Bones' cock nudging against his hole. "Fuck, Bones, that thing hurts."
Bones finally lost patience. He grabbed Jim's shoulders, flipped them over and pressed Jim into the bed with his body. They were both covered in lube by now, and the bed was liberally splattered too, so there was very little friction. He firmly placed Jim's hand on his dick, which had been losing interest in the proceedings but now, with orgasm finally a possibility on the horizon, was bouncing back to full alertness. In turn, he gripped Jim's cock and began a stroke that said he meant business.
Jim caught on quickly, and before long, the only sounds were the wet slickness of sliding flesh and their increasingly loud gasps. Bones' poor overstimulated dick gave up the ghost and he came almost immediately with an embarrassing yelp, spurting all over Jim's stomach and chest. Jim grinned in satisfaction and then gave a yelp of his own as Bones added a bit of extra pressure and jerked him mercilessly until he was coming, writhing, practically having a grand mal seizure underneath Bones.
They lay side-by-side on the bed, catching their breath. Bones was starting to slip into the oblivion of sleep when Jim spoke up. "Next time, Bones. I'll get it next time."
Bones snorted. "Yeah, kid, sure."
Jim waved one hand airily. "I took the Kobayashi Maru three times, but I beat it, didn't I?"
"Yeah, Jim, because you cheated. I hope you're not planning to hack into my cock, because that sounds goddamn painful."
Jim winced, and gave Bones' dick a comforting little pat. "Aww, you know I'd never do that to Moby."
"Moby? Jim, please tell me you didn't just name my penis."
Jim grinned irrepressibly. "Don't you think Moby deserves a name of his own?"
"No, I don't. And why Moby?"
Jim waved vaguely. "Literary reference. 19th Century." Then he turned to the part in question. "You deserve your own name, don't you, big fella?"
Bones rolled his eyes. Only Jim. "Jim, please don't address my penis as if it's a sentient being. You're creeping me out."
"Don't listen to him, Moby. You and me, buddy. We're gonna be friends. Good friends. I promise." Then he looked up at Bones, and something in Jim's eyes melted his most determined cynicism. "But don't worry, Bones, you'll always be my best friend."
Bones snorted, but couldn't help the smile small that tugged across his face. Drowsiness pulled at him again, more insistently, and this time he let himself fall into it, to the sound of Jim making plans involving vats of lube and dildoes and - good lord - a hypo of muscle relaxant. His second-to-last thought before he slipped into a sated sleep was Damn, I love this idiot. And his last thought was Huh, that actually might work.
...and now, the continuation.