This thing popped into my head, pretty much fully formed, and I have no idea why. But anyway, I'm posting it here for now, and it's just short. In fact, I think this is the shortest fic I've ever managed to write, so I feel like I should go: \o/
I can't for the life of me think of a title for it, though. I suck at titles. So if anyone can think of a title, I will love you forever (and give you credit in the author's notes)! I'd prefer something short and snappy and something that doesn't give away the subject of the fic. Anyone? Bueller? :D?
ETA: Thanks so much, beahorgana! You rock.
Anyway, without further ado:
Title: Lost for Words
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Kirk/McCoy
Warnings: Umm, complete and total CRACK.
Word Count: around 600
Summary: A pre-coital conversation.
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anything at all is purely coincidental.
A/N : Dudes, IDEK. WTF, brain? Huge thanks to beahorgana for the idea for the title! :D
"Holy shit, Bones," was Jim's reaction.
"Tell me about it," was Bones' morose response.
"No, I mean... holy shit, Bones!" Jim seemed to be at a loss for words, which may have been a first in all their long acquaintance.
They were both staring at Bones' fully erect cock, which twitched hopefully under all the attention.
"Yeah, Jim, I heard you the first time." Bones was getting slightly irritated now.
They'd finally, finally, after years of yearning and denial, declared their love for each other, and they were about to get to the really good part. Then McCoy took off his underwear and everything came to a screeching halt. Story of his goddamn life.
"It's just... I've seen you naked, man. Like, lots of times. We lived together at the Academy, for god's sake. Where have you been hiding this monster?"
Bones crossed his arms defensively across his chest. "I'm a grower, not a show-er."
"Yeah, no kidding. That thing must be, what, like 11 inches long? And Jesus Christ, as thick around as my wrist. Wait, did you have it augmented or something?"
Bones flushed in a mix of embarrassment and anger. "What? Good god, man, of course I didn't have it augmented. You think I would have chosen this?"
Jim was quickly moving from shock to awe. And maybe a bit of envy. "Oh, man, why not? If I had that dick I'd have every man, woman, and other-gendered-being waiting in a fucking line for me." At McCoy's glare, he quickly amended, "Or, well, I could've had them waiting for me, before, you know, us."
Bones huffed. "It's not exactly a picnic, Jim. Do you know how many times I've had someone run screaming from me once they caught sight of this?" He indicated his cock with a wave of his hand.
Jim, damn him, laughed. "Oh, man, now that's a sight I'd pay to see."
"Well, Jim, you could probably bribe some crewmember to come in here if that's what you really want right now. I'm sure that green-blooded hobgoblin would find my sexual organs 'fascinating'." Great, now he was wilting. He supposed it served him right for bringing up the pointy-eared bastard while standing naked in Jim's quarters.
Jim seemed to sense that Bones was actually getting pissed off now, because he turned placating. "Bones, c'mon, I was kidding. You know I don't wanna share this with anyone else." He gave the part in question a long, leisurely caress, and embarrassingly, it perked right up. Damn it. It seemed his dick was just as much of a sucker for Jim as the rest of him.
Jim kept stroking his cock, now regarding it thoughtfully. "I guess I have my work cut out for me, huh? I'm just going to need lots and lots of practice."
Bones snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet. I suppose this is as good a time as any to mention that I top. Exclusively."
Jim's eyes widened. Bones could practically see the wheels turning, see Jim calculating angles or trajectories or coefficient of friction or some other damn thing. Then he looked up, and the wicked grin forming on his face nearly caused Bones to burst into flames.
"Fine by me, Bones. You know I don't believe in no-win scenarios."
As for Bones, he didn't know about no-win scenarios, but if there was one thing he did believe in, it was James T. Kirk and his uncanny ability to accomplish anything he set his mind to. Maybe this would work out after all.
Read the sequel here!