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28 December 2009 @ 01:12 pm
Trek Fic: Lost for Words  
Hi all. So, I'm supposed to be working, but I'm feeling miserable with a cold, so naturally I'm... writing fic. *facepalm* Yeah, I know.

This thing popped into my head, pretty much fully formed, and I have no idea why. But anyway, I'm posting it here for now, and it's just short. In fact, I think this is the shortest fic I've ever managed to write, so I feel like I should go: \o/

I can't for the life of me think of a title for it, though. I suck at titles. So if anyone can think of a title, I will love you forever (and give you credit in the author's notes)! I'd prefer something short and snappy and something that doesn't give away the subject of the fic. Anyone? Bueller? :D?

ETA: Thanks so much, beahorgana! You rock.

Anyway, without further ado:

Title: Lost for Words
Author: skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Kirk/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Umm, complete and total CRACK.
Word Count: around 600
Summary: A pre-coital conversation.
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anything at all is purely coincidental.
A/N : Dudes, IDEK. WTF, brain? Huge thanks to beahorgana for the idea for the title! :D





"Holy shit, Bones," was Jim's reaction.

"Tell me about it," was Bones' morose response.

"No, I mean... holy shit, Bones!" Jim seemed to be at a loss for words, which may have been a first in all their long acquaintance.

They were both staring at Bones' fully erect cock, which twitched hopefully under all the attention.

"Yeah, Jim, I heard you the first time." Bones was getting slightly irritated now.

They'd finally, finally, after years of yearning and denial, declared their love for each other, and they were about to get to the really good part. Then McCoy took off his underwear and everything came to a screeching halt. Story of his goddamn life.

"It's just... I've seen you naked, man. Like, lots of times. We lived together at the Academy, for god's sake. Where have you been hiding this monster?"

Bones crossed his arms defensively across his chest. "I'm a grower, not a show-er."

"Yeah, no kidding. That thing must be, what, like 11 inches long? And Jesus Christ, as thick around as my wrist. Wait, did you have it augmented or something?"

Bones flushed in a mix of embarrassment and anger. "What? Good god, man, of course I didn't have it augmented. You think I would have chosen this?"

Jim was quickly moving from shock to awe. And maybe a bit of envy. "Oh, man, why not? If I had that dick I'd have every man, woman, and other-gendered-being waiting in a fucking line for me." At McCoy's glare, he quickly amended, "Or, well, I could've had them waiting for me, before, you know, us."

Bones huffed. "It's not exactly a picnic, Jim. Do you know how many times I've had someone run screaming from me once they caught sight of this?" He indicated his cock with a wave of his hand.

Jim, damn him, laughed. "Oh, man, now that's a sight I'd pay to see."

"Well, Jim, you could probably bribe some crewmember to come in here if that's what you really want right now. I'm sure that green-blooded hobgoblin would find my sexual organs 'fascinating'." Great, now he was wilting. He supposed it served him right for bringing up the pointy-eared bastard while standing naked in Jim's quarters.

Jim seemed to sense that Bones was actually getting pissed off now, because he turned placating. "Bones, c'mon, I was kidding. You know I don't wanna share this with anyone else." He gave the part in question a long, leisurely caress, and embarrassingly, it perked right up. Damn it. It seemed his dick was just as much of a sucker for Jim as the rest of him.

Jim kept stroking his cock, now regarding it thoughtfully. "I guess I have my work cut out for me, huh? I'm just going to need lots and lots of practice."

Bones snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet. I suppose this is as good a time as any to mention that I top. Exclusively."

Jim's eyes widened. Bones could practically see the wheels turning, see Jim calculating angles or trajectories or coefficient of friction or some other damn thing. Then he looked up, and the wicked grin forming on his face nearly caused Bones to burst into flames.

"Fine by me, Bones. You know I don't believe in no-win scenarios."

As for Bones, he didn't know about no-win scenarios, but if there was one thing he did believe in, it was James T. Kirk and his uncanny ability to accomplish anything he set his mind to. Maybe this would work out after all.


END

Read the sequel here!



 
 
Where am I?: the comfy couch
How do I feel?: draineddrained
 
 
 
beah: trek love to press spock's buttonsbeahorgana on December 29th, 2009 02:56 am (UTC)
There are just SO MANY REASONS that I love this. Just about the only title breezing around my mind right now is "how to shut up jim kirk" or something thereabouts. I love the idea of Bones being a secret foxy god - the only thing that would get me to like this more would be the sequel. [hint hint]
Sky: [star trek aos] karl urban crotch grab!skyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 03:31 am (UTC)
Eeeee, thank you so much! *loves on first comment* Ooh, I like that idea for a title. I shall have to roll it around in my pervy little mind. ;)

As for a sequel, I just don't know. I think I wrote this as a reaction to the incredibly long, incredibly angsty Kirk/Bones that I'm working on now, so it's very possible that other bits of fluff, crack, and/or porn will come shooting out of my brain randomly in the near future. :)

Oh, and Karl's Bones is totally a secret foxy sex god. *nods, points to icon*
(no subject) - beahorgana on December 29th, 2009 03:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 03:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - roseandheather on December 29th, 2009 04:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 04:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
wemblee: Kirk in dragwemblee on December 29th, 2009 04:36 am (UTC)
SO MANY AMAZING LINES.

Bones crossed his arms defensively across his chest. "I'm a grower, not a show-er."

AHAHAHAHAH ILU.

"It's not exactly a picnic, Jim. Do you know how many times I've had someone run screaming from me once they caught sight of this?"

Cue: Chekov, cringing in the corner.

Bones snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet. I suppose this is as good a time as any to mention that I top. Exclusively."

Jim's eyes widened. Bones could practically see the wheels turning, see Jim calculating angles or trajectories or coefficient of friction or some other damn thing. Then he looked up, and the wicked grin forming on his face nearly caused Bones to burst into flames.

"Fine by me, Bones. You know I don't believe in no-win scenarios."


Ahahahahahahah oh my GOD.

I love your Bones voice, not just the dialogue, but the narration, the way you do his POV. And I love how your Kirk sounds, as well. Adorable. And hilarious. Yayyyyy!
Sky: [star trek aos] first date jittersskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 04:49 am (UTC)
:DDDDDDDDDD DUDE ILU2!!

Thank you so much for feeding my massively fragile writerly ego.

Hahahahaha @ Chekov cringing in the corner!

I love doing Bones-voice. It's so much fun! Kirk I find harder, so I'm glad that it worked okay. Yayyyyyyy!
(no subject) - wemblee on December 29th, 2009 07:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 03:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
duskyfoxduskyfox on December 29th, 2009 04:47 am (UTC)
Oh, as someone deeply in love with secretly-has-a-porn-star-cock!Bones, this was abso-friggin-lutely fabulous.
Sky: [star trek aos] karl backseatskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 04:55 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! And high five for shared kinks! *high five*
(no subject) - duskyfox on December 29th, 2009 06:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 07:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
missmarie9 on December 29th, 2009 04:56 am (UTC)
Gah, I can so see this happening. Jim being all proud of his cock -- the length and all -- and then finding out grumpy, reclusive Bones is massively packing. The irony!

On the plus side, this is a challenge Jim isn't going to let go of. How long will it take to have all those inches fully in him?

Loved them. Feel better, hun.
Sky: [star trek aos] b&w bones looking at jimskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 05:12 am (UTC)
Why thank you so much! I'm glad it pleased. :D Yeah, I'm kind of in love with the idea of Bones taking Jim down a notch with his Amazing Sexual Prowess.

As for how long it'll take... I leave that to your no-doubt vivid imagination. *evil grin*

Thanks, hun. :)
Anrui Ukimi: Star Trek XI - Leonard McCoy - Looking fanruiukimi on December 29th, 2009 05:07 am (UTC)
When my lawyer delivers the lawsuit regarding my near-choking to death on goldfish crackers, don't be surprised. XDDDD
Sky: [star trek aos] karl urban braceletskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 05:15 am (UTC)
Oh, sorry about that! *sends over Bones to perform Heimlich maneuver and/or mouth-to-mouth resuscitation*

All better now? Thought so! :D
(no subject) - anruiukimi on December 29th, 2009 05:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
ivorysilkivorysilk on December 29th, 2009 05:19 am (UTC)
Oh, I love this! So funny but like everyone else--I want the sequel. Just how does that no-win scenario go, again? *g*
Sky: [star trek aos] chris pine sepiaskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 05:36 am (UTC)
Ha! You are such a fic-enabler. I love it. :D

Thanks so much for reading & commenting, babe! I'm happy you enjoyed.
slasherslashaddict13 on December 29th, 2009 07:17 am (UTC)
Hahahahahahaha!!!! That was great! I want a sequel too!
Sky: [star trek aos] kirk back in blackskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 07:38 am (UTC)
*curtseys* Why thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed. :D As for a sequel, we'll have to see what the muses do. They're fickle creatures, those muses. :)
joeannk: Kirk Squeejoeannk on December 29th, 2009 07:18 am (UTC)
I always knew Bones was a grade A stud. Nice to have it confirmed. ;o)
Sky: [star trek aos] b&w bones pursed lipsskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 07:39 am (UTC)
He totally, totally is. And Jim is about to find out just how much of a stud. 'Cause it's not enough to have the equipment, you have to know how to use it. Which you know Bones does. :D
sangue: bones eyeroll by circa 77sangueuk on December 29th, 2009 08:43 am (UTC)
That so was cool! I love bemused!Bones. Write more!
Sky: [star trek aos] first date jittersskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 03:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed. I have written one other trek fic, which is kirk/bones Tarsus h/c fic, and I'm working on an epic kirk/bones fic of dooooom.

BTW, in response to my comment on one of your stories, you pointed me to your fic Lacrimosa, and I meant to tell you there that (confession time) I am a huge fan of your writing, and I've read all your stories. I've been TEH SUK about leaving fb, but I'm trying to remedy that. ALSO, thank you so much for being one of the organizers of space_wrapped, and for leaving fb on every single story that was written for it. I noticed, and I heart you for it. Anyway, before I embarrass myself further, lemme just say YOU ROCK, BB.
(no subject) - sangueuk on December 29th, 2009 06:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
AQ aka Syredronning: karl_urbansyredronning on December 29th, 2009 11:26 am (UTC)
Whooooot! Love hung-like-a-horse Bones.

Bones snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet. I suppose this is as good a time as any to mention that I top. Exclusively."

Hee heee hee. More fun for Jim. Wonderful not-so-cracky ficlet. Thanks!
Sky: [star trek aos] karl hand to foreheadskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 03:19 pm (UTC)
Yayyy! Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed, and didn't find it too cracky. :D

Lucky for Bones, he's found possibly the one person in the universe who wouldn't be intimidated by his being hung like a horse, but would instead view it as a personal (and totally awesome) challenge. :D
(no subject) - sangueuk on December 29th, 2009 06:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
secretsolitairesecretsolitaire on December 29th, 2009 12:35 pm (UTC)
LOL, this is fun! *imagines sequel in her own head*
Sky: [star trek aos] b&w bones pursed lipsskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 03:21 pm (UTC)
Why, thank you! *curtseys*

Heh, enjoy that mental sequel. If you feel like writing it down and sharing it, I for one would not object! :DDDDDD
ennui_blue_lite: Star Trek - Spock's bisexual Tribbleennui_blue_lite on December 29th, 2009 03:37 pm (UTC)
You made FIC! *dances a happy dance.*

So, for a title, you're missing out on an obvious opportunity. His names is Bones, for pete sake, and this is a crack fic! Call it, "Living up to his name," or "Now I know why they call you..." or "Holy shit, Bones has an 11 inch cock and he's about to shove it up Jim's ass!"

I'd also like to point out that this puts an entirely new spin on the moterbike scene in your current WIP. "Bones, be careful with that thing - you're going to shove me off the bike!"

Okay, so for the fic itself: "Augmented." Hee! Only Jim would think that it's perfectly normal to walk into a doctor's office and say, "Hi, I'd like an 11 inch cock, please." And Bones's horror - "Do you think I would chose this?" cracks me up.

I bow to your superior crack-fic abilities, and I would, of course, love to see the sequel in which Jim takes Bones's giant magic cock and turns it into a win-win senario.
Sky: [star trek aos] kirk/mccoy b&wskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 04:02 pm (UTC)
I did make a fic! A short fic, even! *iz somewhat astounded*

Ahahahaha I like your name ideas. :DDD

LOL @ the motorbike scene. I think... I see Bones as very well-endowed, in all of my stories, but probably not quite this well-endowed. Because otherwise, seriously, poor Jim!

Ha, of course Jim would think it's normal to walk into a doctor's office and ask for a huge cock! Except that that would mean admitting that he hasn't already got one. :p

Oh, dude, I do not have superior crack-fic abilities. You could totally write crack too! Fluffy, porny crack! *hint hint* In fact, YOU should write the sequel to this. Get your porn mojo working in a cracky, non-threatening setting. :DDD

ILU BB. ♥
verhaltenverhalten on December 29th, 2009 04:44 pm (UTC)
This was hilarious. I love despairing!Bones. Thank you for sharing.
Sky: [star trek aos] kirk/mccoy b&wskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 06:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! :D Gahh, I'm still floating in a daze over your amazing fic. *_*
(no subject) - verhalten on December 29th, 2009 06:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - verhalten on December 29th, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - verhalten on December 29th, 2009 07:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - verhalten on December 29th, 2009 07:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
SamuelJames: Star Trek-Bonessamueljames on December 29th, 2009 06:57 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this, Jim's reaction was great.
Sky: [star trek aos] chris pine sepiaskyblue_reverie on December 29th, 2009 07:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm very glad you enjoyed. :)
(Deleted comment)
Sky: [star trek aos] kirk smileskyblue_reverie on January 7th, 2010 01:05 am (UTC)
I DON'T KNOW! I wasn't sure and didn't wanna ask if you didn't see it, or just hated it, or what. :p I'm glad you didn't! ♥

Yes, thank goodness for ziploc indeed! :D
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on January 8th, 2010 04:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)