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15 December 2009 @ 02:28 pm
Trek Fic: In the Deep, Part 2 of 2  
Title: In the Deep, Part 2 of 2 (Part 1 is here)
Author: skyblue_reverie
Fandom & Pairing: Star Trek Reboot (aka AOS, ST XI, etc.), Kirk/McCoy (with a plot-devicey side of McCoy/random guy)
Rating: NC-17, hoo boy.
Spoilers: Not really, unless Tarsus IV is a spoiler
Warnings: Discussion of past child sexual abuse, descriptions of genocide
Word Count: Around 14,000
Summary: Academy days: Jim walks in on something he shouldn't have; WOE and ANGST ensue, followed by shamelessly self-indulgent hurt/comfort featuring Bones' Magic Cock of Healing (MCoH™).
A/N (a.k.a. tl;dr): See notes for Part 1. Ummm, this part is total smut. That's pretty much it. Oh, and some talking. :p
Disclaimer: Do I really need to say it? Not mine, no infringement intended, no money made.



"WHAT? NO! Are you crazy?!" Bones roared.

"Yeah, kinda, in case you hadn't noticed already," Jim replied. His nerves were buzzing with the aftereffects of his confession, and he felt larger than his skin.

"Jesus, Jim, no. What do you think I am, some kind of monster?"

And okay, so maybe Jim had sort of thought that, before, when he'd seen Bones with that other guy. But even then he'd known it wasn't true, not really. Well, mostly. And even if this whole thing made him a little nervous, he owed it to Bones to make up to him the awful things he'd thought and said. So he rallied and gave it the old Kirk charm, pasting on a smile that was only partly fake. "I know you're not. That's the point, Bones. I know you won't hurt me. I trust you."

Bones was looking at him skeptically, and with far too much understanding. "Jim, there's a country mile between trusting someone and wanting to have sex with them. Are you even... I mean, do you even... like men that way?"

All this talk was bringing him down, harshing his buzz, leading to second thoughts and third thoughts and shit. He was a man of action; talking things to death didn't help. He shifted uncomfortably. "I dunno, Bones, how about you convince me?" He gave a suggestive leer, but judging by Bones' expression, his pathetic attempt to lighten things up wasn't going to work.

"Dammit, Jim, this is too important to joke about. You're just gonna totally change your sexuality, just like that?"

Jim sighed. "It's not a change, Bones. It's a... realization. If I'm honest with myself, which I'll have you know I hate, I've... been attracted to guys before. Plenty of times. Just never did anything about it. Well, except find the nearest willing woman and fall into bed with her."

Bones, the obstinate bastard, was clearly still unconvinced. Jim's confession-induced adrenaline high had totally worn off, now, leaving him feeling far too raw. He didn't much like the feeling, but it couldn't be helped. Time for more honesty. Damn it.

"Y'know how you... said you felt about me, before?" He lowered his eyes, couldn't look at Bones for this.

"Oh, when I said I loved you? Yeah, I remember. It was about five minutes ago. I was beginning to wonder if you'd noticed." His words were light, but he sounded defensive, vulnerable, and Jim couldn't stand it.

"Well, I did. And I... kinda... maybe... think I feel like that about you, too."

"Sure you do, kid," Now Bones sounded tired, and made to push Jim out of his comfortable little spot between Bones' legs. Jim made an indignant noise and refused to budge. Bones gave up on trying to shift Jim, but pulled his hands away and ran them through his own hair, clearly trying to put a bit of distance between them.

"Jim," he continued, obviously searching for the right words. "It's okay that you don't love me. I don't expect you to. It's not why I said it. But Jim, don't lie to me, and don't pander to me. I'm not one of your women. You don't need to say anything, or do anything, or be anyone other than who you are for me to stick around. To tell the truth, I don't think I could leave at this point. You're pretty much stuck with me, like it or not."

How could someone be simultaneously so generous, so giving, and make him feel so stupidly warm and fuzzy inside, and at the same time be so downright irritating?

"Bones. For god's sake, I've never told anyone I loved them. Not ever, and certainly not to get into anyone's pants. I don't have to lie to get women into bed." That last bit came out a bit more aggrieved than he'd intended, but hell, it was the truth.

Bones made a noise that was half amusement, half despair. "Then why would you say it to me, Jim?"

"Oh, I don't know, you stubborn jerk, maybe 'cause it's true?" He poked his finger into the middle of Bones' chest, hard. "You're the only person I trust. You're my only real friend. I've thought you were a sexy beast for ages, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself. I've been tying myself up in knots for weeks now, trying to convince myself that I didn't miss you. And then when I heard about your shuttle test, that you might wash out, I just... panicked. Couldn't lose you. All that shit I said in the sim about needing you, I meant it, you know." He folded his arms over his chest, gave Bones his very most determined face. "You're just gonna have to accept that I l- feel the same way about you that you feel about me, you pigheaded asshole." So maybe he hadn't been able to say the word, but still, he thought he'd done pretty good. He sat back a little, suddenly nervous, to wait for Bones' reaction.

Bones snorted. "How romantic. Watch out, Jim, you're gonna make me swoon with that kind of declaration." He'd lost that defeated look, though, even if he didn't look like he actually believed Jim yet. Luckily for Jim, persuasion was one of the things he was best at. And as a bonus, working on overcoming Bones' hesitation meant that he could push his own to the side, ignore it. A win-win, all around.

"Okay, Bones, let's summarize. You have feelings for me. I have feelings for you. I find you hot and I want to have sex with you. Do you - not want to have sex with me?" Suddenly he felt extremely foolish. Maybe he'd been making some unwarranted assumptions here. After all, love wasn't the same as physical attraction, as he well knew. Feeling one didn't necessarily mean feeling the other. He felt the world dropping out from under him. Maybe Bones didn't mean that he loved him that way, maybe he just meant he loved him as a friend. Must've meant that, 'cause who would want someone like him, once they knew how fucked up he was? No one, that's who. But then, Bones' voice cut across his increasingly hysterical inner monologue, dry and reassuring.

"Don't be an idiot, Jim. Of course I want you. I'm in love with you, you nitwit, and I want you so badly I can hardly see straight." Bones' cheeks were slightly reddened, but his face was open, unguarded, and Jim could read the truth there. The world reformed, in brilliant color, and Jim squirmed with slightly smug satisfaction. Bones was still talking, though. "But, Jim, this, now, it's too much, too soon. You need some time to process, to deal with this trauma before you -" Oh, hell no. Jim was not going to listen to this. Even if - especially if - it hit a little too close to home.

"Bones," he said flatly, cutting him off. "Do you respect me? Do you trust me?"

"Yeah, of course," said Bones reluctantly, clearly uncertain where Jim was going with this, but knowing he wasn't going to like it.

"Well, then, you have to treat me like an adult, not like a little kid, and not like your patient. You gotta trust that I know my own mind, know what I need, what I can handle and what I can't. I'm not gonna let Tarsus fuck things up for us - for me - any longer. I can do this with you, I know I can, and I want to. I'm tired of letting my past control me."

Bones looked slightly taken aback, and his resolution was clearly wavering, but he put up another protest. "Jim, there's no rush. Nothing has to happen tonight. We can just take it slow and easy."

"Bones, have you met me? When have I ever done anything slow and easy? I want to do this, and I want to do it now. Fuck me, goddammit!" His voice held an edge of desperation, and if asked, he'd put it down to sexual frustration. He'd never admit to any trepidation about what he was pushing Bones for, although of course, Bones could probably tell anyway. Bastard could read him like a book.

Bones gave him a long, considering look. Jim kept his eyes steady on Bones', not trying to hide anything. It was too late for that anyway. All he knew was that this was right. He knew it in his gut, and he trusted his gut. He was sick of all this repression bullshit, and he wanted to make a clean start, tonight, with Bones. If he didn't do it now, he might lose his nerve and then who knew how long it'd be before they had another chance. Jim was not going to risk that.

"God help me," Bones said resignedly, closing his eyes, and Jim knew he'd won. He grinned, feeling equal parts victorious and terrified. "But Jim, dammit, the second you feel uncomfortable, you gotta swear you'll tell me."

"I promise," Jim said seriously. He meant it, too - this thing with Bones was too important to fuck up. Bones must've seen it, because he relaxed a bit. "Now come on, don't you wanna take a test drive?" Jim made his voice husky, seductive. "See if I live up to my reputation?"

Bones tensed up again. Dammit, that was not the reaction he'd been going for.

"Yeah, Jim, about that..." Bones looked away. "You know I'd do anything for you. And if you want to do this, tonight, as some sort of experiment, or to prove something to yourself, or work through your past, that's all right with me. But I'm not... I don't do casual. I can't do a friends-with-benefits deal. So after tonight, if you want to go back to just being friends, and be free to be with other people... I'll be okay with that." The look on his face, though, as he avoided Jim's eyes, said he'd be anything but.

Jim pursed his lips. Normally he'd jump in with some wiseass remark, but this wasn't the time or place for it. And damn if that didn't mean he was actually growing up, if he recognized that fact, or cared. But this... maybe this was worth growing up for. So he actually considered for a minute before he responded. "Bones, I... I've never done the committed relationship thing before. I can't see the future, and I don't know how it'll turn out. But I know I want to try. With you. I'm not ready to pick out china or anything, but... I think we could be good together. Really good. And I promise you that as long as we're together, I won't be with anyone else. Can't promise I won't look, but I promise I won't touch. Is that okay?" His heart pounding, he waited for Bones' verdict.

Bones met his eyes, finally, and the unguarded happiness there filled Jim with a dizzying wave of relief. "Yeah, Jim, that's okay," was all Bones said, in that gruff voice that he'd heard a thousand times before, which suddenly made him want to melt.

Then Bones' long fingers were under his chin, tipping it towards Bones' face, and Jim's eyes drifted shut as Bones' mouth moved closer. The first touch of lips to his was achingly tender, and Jim let out a sigh that sounded suspiciously like a whimper.

Jim tried to deepen the kiss, opened his mouth and pushed his tongue against Bones' still closed lips, eager for more contact, but Bones just pulled back, breathed a nearly-silent chuckle, and put one finger on Jim's lower lip.

"Kid, if it kills me, I'm gonna teach you the merits of slow and easy. Let me make this good for you. God, Jim, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this. No way I'm rushing it."

Jim could barely form a coherent thought in response. Bones' words, the sound of his voice, the touch of that long, slender finger on his lip... it was all conspiring to drive him insane with want and some softer feeling that he couldn't name. "Yeah, okay, Bones," was about all he could manage.

Then Bones' strong hands were framing his face, anchoring him, and Bones was kissing him again, gently, first on the lips, and then everywhere on his face, dropping soft kisses on his cheeks, forehead, eyebrows, down the line of his jaw, the tip of his nose. Jim settled in, only a little reluctantly, to accept Bones' pace.

Finally Bones returned to Jim's lips, and kissed him softly, over and over. This wasn't what Jim was used to, and it was kind of strange. He was used to hot, hungry encounters that owed more to each party's lust and adrenaline than to any connection felt between them. This was... frightening, in a way that rutting against a stranger wasn't. Jim hated being vulnerable, but if there was anyone he was willing to open up to, it was Bones. He let his eyelids drift shut once more. Finally, Bones deepened the kiss, opening his mouth, just slightly, against Jim's. Their tongues met, barely touching, softly, tip-to-tip, exploring. Bones' hands were still on the sides of Jim's face, and now his thumbs were stroking Jim's cheekbones, again and again, in time with the movement of his mouth. Jim shivered, and Bones must have caught the small movement, because he hummed reassuringly, still not deepening the kiss.

On and on it went, light touches to his face and tender, barely open-mouthed kisses. Gradually, Jim let go of tension he hadn't even been aware he'd been carrying. He slumped a bit against Bones' chest, and Bones pulled back just a bit. He lazily opened his eyes to find Bones surveying his face. "Good, Jim, that's good. Just let go. I'm gonna take care of you," he promised softly, voice gravelly, drawl pronounced. Jim shivered again, for an entirely different reason. God, that voice. It should be illegal.

When Bones started kissing him again, there was a slightly different quality to it, an intensity that was building. Bones' hands curled around behind his head, one running through the short hair at the base of his skull, the other lightly stroking the vertebrae of his neck. Bones' lips on his were firmer, more demanding, and Jim capitulated without thought. Their tongues tangled, pushing, licking, searching out rough and smooth planes of tooth and roof of mouth and inside of cheek, panting breaths released directly into each other's mouths.

Jim had never felt quite like this. It was tenderness mixed with passion, give and take with the urgency rising around them like the wind. Without realizing it, he'd risen up onto his knees, was now facing Bones, hands tangled into Bones' shirt, and one of Bones' hands had dropped to the small of his back, under his shirt, fingers lightly rubbing his spine, sending thrills of sensation singing along the nerves there.

He was hard now, as hard as he'd ever been, and faster than he'd ever gotten there before. Usually he was the cool one, could - and did - control his reactions until his partner was in a frenzy, but with Bones it was all different. Bones undid him. All they were doing was making out like a couple of teenagers, and Christ, he hadn't done this even when he was a teenager. It was hot and sweet, dirty and somehow innocent at the same time. He bucked his hips against Bones, involuntarily, and felt Bones' hardness against his own. He let out a broken moan, felt Bones' answering groan, their mouths still fused.

Now both of Bones' hands were under Jim's shirt, cupping his waist, thumbs stroking against the skin of his sides. Jim tugged ineffectually at Bones' shirt. Had to feel more of that skin against him now. Bones pulled back, let go of Jim, and Jim made a wordless whine of protest, but Bones just tugged his own shirt off, then helped Jim out of his, and then reached those strong arms out again and gathered Jim back in. Jim shifted until he was straddling Bones' hips, their chests pressed together. He could feel the long, solid length of Bones' frame under his, holding him up, holding him together. He felt Bones' nipples against his chest, his own nipples tickled slightly by the sparse hair on Bones' chest.

For a moment, Bones just held Jim, Jim's face buried in the crook of his neck, breathing in deeply, smelling salty-clean sweat and faint traces of soap and something that was indefinably, indescribably Bones. He'd smelled it a thousand times before, knew it better than even the smell of the farmhouse back in Iowa, and it felt more like home to him than that place had ever been. But he'd never reacted to it like this before, with a spike of lust that shot straight through his gut and exploded like lightning in his cock.

He moaned, helpless and needy. He heard Bones' breath hitch in response, felt Bones' fingertips stuttering along his spine before the slow steady stroking motion resumed. "Jesus Christ, kid, if you could see yourself," Bones said.

"Don't wanna see myself," Jim mumbled against Bones' neck. "Wanna see you."

Bones chuckled. "Be my guest. I'm not stopping you."

Jim leaned back, a bit reluctant to leave the warmth of Bones' embrace. But he hadn't been lying, he really did want to see Bones, get a good look at Bones all flushed with passion for him.

He drank in the sight, eyes tracing the broad chest and shoulders, sturdy thighs beneath him, defined arms stretched out with those strong surgeon's hands on his hips. Miles and miles of pale skin, dusted lightly with dark hair, nipples perfect, round and pink, the tips stiffened with arousal. The long line of his neck leading to a strong jawline and Bones' familiar face. Jim didn't know how he had seen it so often, and somehow never consciously realized how much beauty was there. Bones was looking half turned-on, and half self-conscious, and it was captivating.

His fingers followed the path his eyes had taken, feeling rough hair, firm muscle, smooth skin and the comfortable pliancy of the extra flesh underneath ("I'm a doctor, Jim, not a bodybuilder," was Bones' usual complaint when Jim dragged him to the Academy rec center). Finally, giving in to temptation, he buried his hands in Bones' hair. Still slightly damp from his shower, it was soft as mink as the strands slipped through Jim's fingers.

Bones groaned, leaning his head back against the headboard, and when he exposed that long neck, well, Jim just had to taste it. He teased his tongue around the divot between the collarbones, up along Bones' throat, past his adam's apple, and then along the side of his jaw to an ear. He sucked gently at the lobe there, and judging by the way Bones' hips bucked, he really liked that.

Jim explored for a while, kissing, petting, licking. It was different with Bones than it had been with any of his other partners, though - this time his explorations were as much to find out what pleased him as to find out what pleased Bones. Usually sex for Jim was a performance, or a competition - it was all about showing off what he could do, impressing his partner by drowning her in sheer pleasure. This, though - this was altogether different.

He scooted back so that he could get his mouth on Bones' chest, and braced his hands on Bones' legs while Bones' hands came up to wrap into his hair. Jim stiffened his tongue into a point and flicked it roughly against Bones' nipples, first the left and then the right. Then he sucked one into his mouth and worried it gently with his teeth, backing off to blow on it lightly, then moving on to give the same treatment to its neighbor. Bones was gasping, and arching his back, so Jim was gonna call that a success. He raised his head and smirked slightly at Bones, who was absolutely dazed with lust.

Bones' eyes cleared as he took in Jim's challenging expression, and suddenly he flipped them so Jim was flat on his back, with Bones looming over him. Jim sighed in relief. This was what he'd been wanting, and he hadn't even known it. Not to have to be the one in charge, not to have to put on a show or impress. Bones knew, though. Bones got him, in ways that no one else had ever bothered to try.

Now it was Bones' turn to explore, and he did it like he did everything else - thoroughly and with intense concentration. Being the object of all of Bones' considerable focus was downright heady. Bones took him apart with hands and mouth, moving slowly, gently, making no move to take any more of Jim's clothes off. He kissed and mouthed everywhere he could reach, interspersing sharp nips with soothing licks along Jim's chest, shoulders, arms. His fingers caressed Jim's hair, stroked along his skin, and flicked his nipples. And through it all, Bones kept coming back to Jim's face, to his mouth, for deep, soul-stealing kisses that left both of them gasping for air.

He kept going until he'd reduced Jim to a quivering, moaning wreck, tremors shooting randomly through his muscles and hips bucking helplessly upward, seeking contact. Finally, finally, he eased Jim's boots, socks, and pants off, and then he repeated the whole process of exploration on Jim's legs. He massaged his thumbs deeply into tense calf muscles, planted a line of soft kisses up along the inside of Jim's knee. Jim tried reaching for Bones, but Bones just swatted his hands away absently as he continued his painstaking survey of Jim's body.

He'd left Jim's boxer-briefs on, and Jim had just enough brain cells left functioning to be vaguely grateful for that - he felt exposed enough as it was, and Bones was still nearly fully clothed. Speaking of which, that just wasn't right. He gathered enough presence of mind to get his hands to Bones' waistband and tug at it. He wasn't actually successful at getting the buttons undone, but at least he'd communicated to Bones what he wanted, and Bones thankfully took the hint and shucked off his own pants.

Jim drank in the sight, and Bones took the opportunity to survey Jim as well. Bones' eyes met Jim's, smoky, hooded, and Jim felt himself growing impossibly even more turned on. Bones lowered himself back over Jim, full-length, their legs tangling together as they kissed and petted and stroked each other's skin, like there was all the time in the world. Jim was drowning in a pool of languid, simmering arousal.

Then Bones' hands reached for his shorts. Jim's breath left him in a gust. This was real, this was happening, and suddenly he didn't know if he could handle it. He felt slightly sick.

Bones instantly sensed the shift in Jim's mood, and his hands went from stimulating to comforting, moving away from Jim's briefs, keeping his touches light, reassuring, undemanding. He murmured a steady stream of encouragement into Jim's ear, "Shh, baby, I've got you. Won't hurt you. Only want to make you feel good. We'll stop now if you want. Whenever you want." He kept the soothing litany going until Jim had calmed down, his arousal dimmed but at least his breathing was under control again.

"Fuck, Bones. Goddammit!" Jim's hiss was pure frustration. With himself, with the situation, with his stupid inability to just get over it already. He knew what he wanted, knew it would be good, knew Bones would never hurt him, but somehow the rational part of his brain wasn't in control here.

He braced himself for a lecture from Bones, at the very least a self-righteous "I told you so" or its equivalent. He didn't get it, though. Bones was just watching him, soberly but with a warmth and solicitude that had Jim's eyes prickling. "Wanna stop now? Just say the word. It's okay, Jim."

It couldn't have been easy for Bones to put on the brakes like that, judging by the substantial bulge in his briefs, and oh good god Bones was hung like a goddamn horse. No way in hell that thing would fit... bad thought. Stop. He pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes.

"Just gimme a minute, Bones," he gritted out.

"Sure thing, Jim. I'm right here. Not going anywhere. Take your time." His tone was near its usual gruff drawl, just tempered a bit by concern, and a tiny trace of that tenderness that Jim was so very unused to. It'd always been there, he realized now, whenever Bones spoke to him, though not with anyone else. He'd just never recognized it before.

God, he loved this man. He'd already admitted it (well, sort of), but now he felt it, all the way down to his molecules. It should've been scary, but somehow it wasn't. It was just... right. It was just Bones.

He moved his hands from his face and turned to look at Bones, who was lying on his side next to Jim, waiting calmly, ready to follow Jim's lead.

"Sorry, Bones," he said, suddenly feeling defeated. "I'm such a fuck-up. I'm sorry."

Bones glowered. It was such a familiar look, but so out of place in this context that Jim nearly laughed in nervous relief. "Jim, you're not a fuck-up, and you've got nothing to be sorry for. I don't wanna hear you cutting yourself down, I mean it. It's not your fault, and we're gonna deal with this together. Take a deep breath, dammit. Good. Now tell me what I can do. Tell me what you need."

Jim blinked. Bones' tone of voice was so matter-of-fact, so normal, that it quelled his rising despondency as quickly as if a candle had been snuffed out. Huh. So Bones' superpower was, like, calming down freaked-out people by being cranky and bossy. Probably a useful trait for a doctor. He refocused on the question at hand, and actually, there was something Bones could do.

"Just keep talking, Bones."

Bones looked puzzled, but game. "What do you want me to talk about?"

"No, I mean, let's keep going, just talk to me. I... don't like it when it's too quiet."

"All right, Jim. I can do that."

Bones gathered him into his arms, and started the whole process again, kissing, petting, stroking, licking. Only this time, he kept up a steady stream of soothing talk, endearments mixed with narration of what he was doing. "Okay, Jim, I'm gonna massage your legs now. Just your legs, not gonna touch anything else. I like this spot behind your knee - you're ticklish there, huh, baby? I'm gonna taste it. Just gonna lick behind your knee. God darlin', you taste good."

He took his time, endlessly patient, lulling Jim back into a state of dreamy arousal. Everything was hazy, and there was nothing in the world but him and Bones, and Bones' husky voice. By the time Bones asked in that throaty voice whether it was okay to take off his briefs, Jim was quivering, this time with sheer need and anticipation. He nodded emphatically. Bones was careful, slow, as he pulled the boxers down and off Jim's body.

"God, you're beautiful, Jim. So perfect." Bones was looking into his eyes as he said it, and Jim knew that he didn't just mean his (if he did say so himself, which he did) pretty face or toned body. Bones saw him, saw things that no one else did. It made Jim feel naked, exposed in a way he hadn't with anyone else, but somehow he also felt safer than he had with anyone else.

"So're you, Bones. I want to see you. All of you."

Bones nodded and removed his own shorts, exposing the impressively long, thick cock that Jim had seen so briefly during that disastrous incident weeks before. Bones was hard now, dick fully engorged and already shining at the tip with precome. He made no move to touch Jim, though, just sitting next to him on the bed, waiting for Jim to get used to the two of them being naked together.

Jim reached out to touch Bones, running his finger along the crown of Bones' cock. Bones shuddered and exhaled shakily. "God, Jim, the things you do to me."

Jim smiled, managing to inject a little of his usual cockiness. "Not half as much as I want you to do to me, Bones. You're too far away. Get over here."

Bones scooted over closer, and lay down next to Jim, so they were chest-to-chest. "Damn, Jim, I want to touch you. Can I touch you?"

Jim nodded again, and Bones reached out and ran his hand slowly, gently up and down Jim's cock. He kept talking. "Mmm, so hard already, aren't you? Does this feel good, baby? You've got a gorgeous cock. Should've known, everything else about you is gorgeous."

Jim just moaned, enveloped in sensation. He brought his hands up to Bones' body, stroked whatever parts he could reach, but he couldn't focus enough to really get Bones worked up. Luckily, it seemed like Bones was getting plenty worked just with what he was doing to Jim.

Bones rolled them over so he was on top of Jim, and now their cocks were touching, rubbing together lightly as Bones moved over him. "Jim, look at you, all hot and bothered. Gonna make you feel so good. Gonna take care of you. Just let me, darlin', let me take care of you."

Whatever words he might have mustered up in response were forgotten as Bones leaned down and kissed him again, slow and hot and deep. He was touching Bones wherever he could reach, caressing shoulders and biceps and sides, down to his ass and around the front again to brush at that magnificent cock. Bones growled, deep in his throat, at that, and Jim did it again, enjoying the reaction he was causing. Bones pulled back from the kiss, breathless. "You keep that up, this'll be over way too quick."

Jim breathed a laugh. It turned into a gasp as Bones moved down his body, ending up with his mouth over Jim's cock, panting hot breaths onto Jim's body.

"Wanna suck you. Is that okay?" Bones looked back up at him, and dear god, the vision of Bones, poised to suck his dick, looking into his eyes and asking permission nearly undid Jim then and there.

"Yeah," he managed, and then Bones' mouth was on him, hot and wet and so unbelievably good. He whined, bucked, thrashed and panted, and Bones pulled back every few seconds to catch a breath and say something: "Does that feel good, sugar? You like that?" before diving back in and driving Jim wild some more.

This time when he pulled back, he looked at Jim. "Gonna touch you now, gonna touch your hole with my finger. I'm not gonna go inside, though, okay, baby? Won't go inside until you say it's okay."

Jim felt a small surge of apprehension, but nodded. There was a moment's pause as Bones retrieved a tube of lube from his bedside table and applied a bit to his finger. Then his mouth was back on Jim's cock. For a while, he just worked Jim's dick, sucking and licking between soothing murmurs until Jim was lost in pleasure again.

"Touching you now," Bones whispered. Then he brought his finger up, just running up and down between the cheeks, slowly working in toward Jim's opening. Jim felt the touch of that finger on his hole, no pressure, just gentle contact. It felt... really good, actually. He wiggled a bit to encourage some movement. "You like that, honey?" Bones asked.

"Yeah, Bones, fuck yeah."

Bones chuckled and moved his finger in small circles around the tight opening, lightly, teasing. "Tell me when you're ready for more, Jim. No hurry. I could do this all night long."

Jim nodded. "Not yet. Want your mouth again, though."

Bones snorted. "Bossy, aren't you?" he said, but he bent back down and sucked in the tip of Jim's cock, flicking his tongue in a way that felt absolutely amazing. He kept up the light motions with his finger as he did so, and Jim could swear he was in paradise.

"Ahhh! More, now, Bones," Jim gasped. Bones, to his credit, didn't ask if Jim was sure, just gently eased the very tip of his finger inside of Jim. He gave a last flick of the tongue to Jim's cock and pulled back to focus on what he was doing.

"Good?" Bones asked.

"Yeah, good," Jim said, and holy fuck, it was. It was incredible. "More."

"Lemme add a bit more lube. One second." He pulled out, squirted more of the lubricant on his fingers, and then said "Okay, baby, I'm going to put my finger back in now," as he pushed back in again, gently. Jim let his legs fall open wider, propped himself up on his elbows so he could watch Bones do this. "Gonna go a little further. Just a little. Tell me if you want me to stop. Anytime, Jim." He looked at Jim and waited for the nod before he pushed in a little more. "I'm in up to my first knuckle. You want more?" Again, Jim nodded. He felt a bit of increasing pressure as Bones' finger breached him further. "How's that, baby? You still good?"

"Yeah." His head fell back. The sensation of Bones' finger slowly working its way inside him was the one of the most erotic things he'd ever experienced. No wonder so many girls wanted him to play with them this way.

"I'm in to my second knuckle now. God, baby, you look so good all spread out for me. So hard you're leaking on your stomach. Fuck, Jim, that's hot."

Jim shuddered at the words. Usually he was the talker during sex, mostly because he didn't handle silence well, but he'd never done it with such single-minded dedication, never before realized how goddamn incendiary it could be to have someone saying such filthy-sweet things to you while they were playing your body like an instrument.

"Jim, you've got my whole finger now. You're doing so good. God, you're amazing. Gonna fuck you with my finger, baby. Slow and easy, I promise. Won't hurt. Just wanna make you feel good."

He moaned again as Bones started moving in and out with his finger, leisurely, unhurried. Then Bones touched a spot inside him that sent sparks exploding up his nerves, seemingly connected in a straight line to his cock. "Ah! Fuck, Bones!" he yelled, back arching helplessly. It was almost overwhelming, blurring the line between pleasure and pain.

"It's okay, Jim, I got you. It's just your prostate. Feels good, doesn't it? Want me to do it again?"

After taking a moment to catch his breath, Jim decided that he liked it. He really, really liked it. "Hell, yes, Bones." Bones chuckled and obliged, rubbing that spot with every stroke of his finger, making Jim crazy with the feeling.

Before long Jim was pushing back against Bones, wanting more, harder, deeper. He whined, low in his throat. "More, Bones!" he ordered.

"Okay, darlin'. I'm going to add another finger now. Let me know if you need me to stop." Jim felt the second finger go in, the slight stretch of it causing a frisson of pleasure. "So good, Jim, you're so good," Bones breathed. "You feel so amazing around me, darlin', so warm and soft."

Jim acclimated quickly to the feel of two fingers, relaxing into the sensation. He took the opportunity to sneak a look at Bones. Bones was so hard it must've been painful, but he was totally ignoring his own arousal, concentrating completely on what he was doing to Jim. Speaking of painfully hard, his own cock was feeling a big neglected. He reached for the lube, which Bones had left on the bed, and squirted a dollop into his hand. Then he started working his cock, loving the dual sensation of fucking his hand and being fucked on Bones' hand.

"Goddamn, Jim, you look hot like that. Don't come till I tell you though, okay?"

Jim nodded and slowed his pace, coasting, not letting the sensations overtake him yet.

"Ready for three fingers, sugar?" Bones asked.

"Yeah."

"All right, baby, here goes. Just gonna go slow. Tell me to stop anytime."

Jim watched in heated fascination as three of Bones' fingers disappeared into his own body, down below where Jim was fisting his prick. The visual wasn't something he was going to soon forget, and the feeling was even more amazing. It was unbelievable pleasure, just this side of pain, but not scary or threatening or intimidating. It was awesome.

"You okay, there, darlin'? Does that feel good?"

Jim tried to answer; all that came out was a long, decidedly affirmative moan. He figured that was answer enough, and Bones must've agreed, as Bones' breath hitched and he worked his fingers inside of Jim a bit deeper.

"Fuck, Jim. Can't wait to be inside of you. I'm gonna make it so good for you, baby, I swear."

"Booones... you're killing me. Do it already. Fuck me." His voice sounded breathless in his ears.

Bones groaned, but kept sliding his fingers in and out, so slowly, too slowly. "Not yet, Jim. Almost. Not yet."

The slow torture continued for several more minutes, Bones twisting and sliding his fingers in and out, keeping up a steady stream of endearments, telling Jim how good he was and how much he wanted him. Jim had never been subjected to anything like this before, and he thought he was going to melt into a pile of goo right on the bed. A pile of extremely horny, frustrated goo.

Finally, finally Bones decided he had prepped Jim enough and looked at him. "You ready, Jim?"

Jim nodded fervently. He was beyond ready.

Bones efficiently lubed his cock, knelt between Jim's legs and lined up, just rubbing the tip of his cock against Jim's loosened entrance. Jim forgot to stroke himself, enthralled as he was with watching Bones enter him. The first nudge of Bones' cock sent a tiny surge of apprehension up his spine - fuck, he was big, and so blunt - but Bones' voice brought him back down to earth, soft as a feather.

"Ah, Jesus, Jim. Gonna put my cock in you. Just slow. Just the head. Not gonna go any further than that. Oh fuck, you feel so goddamn good." Bones sounded like he was hanging onto his control by the thinnest of threads, but if there was one thing Jim knew, it was that Bones would never let go of that thread. Jim was in control here, and Bones wouldn't go any faster or do any more than he wanted. It was a heady, intoxicating feeling.

And the feeling of Bones' cock breaching him... well, that was beyond intoxicating. There were no words to describe that. There was no more fear. Everything had burned away in the haze of lust and want and need and now. "More, Bones! Give me more."

Bones nodded, gritting his teeth in concentration, and pushed in just a tiny bit more. Already Jim could feel himself stretching to accommodate him - that first press of the head of Bones' cock past the tight ring of muscle had been the most intense. Now, it felt like Bones sliding in was the most natural thing in the world.

"Jiiiiim," Bones groaned. Now Bones was losing coherence, and Jim felt just a tad smug. He was the one reducing Bones to this.

"Yeah, Bones, that's it, so good. You feel so good, so big. Gimme more. I can take it. I want it. Want you."

Slowly, incredibly slowly, Bones entered him, an inch at a time, always pausing until Jim indicated he was ready for more. Finally, Jim felt the press of Bones' abdomen against his balls, knew Bones was fully seated in him. Bones was sweating and trembling, gripping Jim's hips like they were the only things anchoring him to this world.

Jim had expected his own arousal to wane, had expected that this act would be mostly for Bones' sake. He'd never been more pleased to be proven wrong. He was hard and throbbing, dripping precome onto his stomach, gasping and shivering with pleasure. He wasn't even touching himself anymore and still he felt like he might explode at any second.

Jim sat up halfway and looked at where they were joined, awed by the sight. He reached down and felt Bones' thick cock disappearing into him, couldn't believe it was all inside of him.

"Fuuuuuck," they said at the same time, then shared a grin. It seemed to break the tension, and Jim laid back, gave his hips a lazy roll, and said "Bones, move."

He did, but so slowly that it was more likely to drive Jim insane than to orgasm. He was still talking, too, but now it was more like babbling. "So good, so tight, ah fuck, Jim," fell out of his mouth, words dripping like sugar water onto Jim's skin.

Bones leaned forward, bracing himself on one arm over Jim, reaching down with the other to take Jim's cock in hand. It was still slick with lube, and Bones set the same measured tempo for Jim that he'd set for himself. Jim, for his part, wrapped his legs around Bones' back, desperate to get even a fraction of an inch closer. He let Bones set the pace, though. It wasn't one he'd have chosen, but it was better than he could have imagined. Maybe there was something to be said for slow and easy after all.

They found a rhythm, Bones pulling out almost all the way before pushing back in, slow and hard and deep, bottoming out as they both gasped. Jim was getting close, now, and there was no way he was going to be able to hold it off this time.

"Bones, gonna," he gasped out.

"Yeah, Jim, come for me. Come on, baby." Bones added a twist of his wrist to the strokes of Jim's cock, pushed in one last time, and then Jim was coming. It was so different than usual - it felt like a revelation, like letting go, like the swell of a wave washing through him, depositing him safely on the shore. It went on and on, gentle and strong and sure and he hazily heard Bones talking to him throughout it all, "Love you, Jim. Love you so much," a counterpoint to the pulsing of his cock, balls, and heart.

When he regained lucidity, he blinked fuzzily up at Bones, who had eased out of him and was now petting him with soft slow strokes, watching him recover, looking for any signs of pain or distress, and making no move to reach his own completion.

When he thought he could talk again, he licked his lips and let out a shaky, "Christ, Bones. That was epic." Then, taking another look at Bones, added "Aren't you gonna come?" while indicating Bones' dick, standing out stiffly between his legs.

"Yeah," Bones breathed heavily. He took himself in hand, kneeling over Jim. While Jim watched, still floating in post-orgasmic bliss, Bones jerked himself, hard and fast, grunting, looking right into his eyes. It was the single most intimate moment of Jim's life, seeing Bones with no defenses, no gruff sarcasm to cover up what was underneath. He could see all the love, all the want, all the need and it was all for him.

He reached up and stroked Bones' chest, lightly flicking his nipples. "Mmm, Bones, come for me. Want you to come on me."

Bones seized up, made a choking noise, and then he was coming, spurting hot and thick into the puddle of Jim's own come on his stomach and chest. Jim lay there, watching as the aftershocks worked through Bones' system, loving the contradictory feeling of being claimed, marked, and at the same time knowing that he'd brought Bones to this place, had caused him to totally unravel.

Bones collapsed on the bed, next to Jim, still breathing heavily as he recovered from his orgasm. Jim hummed a little, found another handkerchief in the nightstand, and cleaned them both up a bit. Bones, unsurprisingly, seemed to be all talked out for the moment, but when Jim had wiped them down, Bones pulled him into his arms and they lay there together, hearts pounding and breath mingling, looking at each other with the knowledge of all that was now between them shimmering in the air.

Okay, that was enough of this romance novel staring-into-each-other's-eyes shit. Jim smirked.

"So, all those pet names. What was that about, Bones?"

"Oh, what, you told me to talk and now you're gonna complain about what I said?" he sounded defensive.

"Not complaining. It was just unexpected. I guess I could get used to it, though."

Bones propped himself up on an elbow, peered hard into Jim's eyes, seemingly trying to determine whether Jim was putting him on. Then he relaxed, flopped back again.

"Yeah, well, just don't expect it anywhere outside of bed."

"Aw, but Bones, when I take my Kobayashi Maru, you could call me 'Captain Sugar'." Jim batted his eyelashes at Bones, who snorted.

"Yeah, that'll be the day."

Jim just grinned. "Hey, I'm hungry, are you hungry?"

Bones groaned dramatically. "No, Jim, I'm not hungry. Don't tell me you're one of those godforsaken people who're bursting with energy after sex."

"Afraid so, Bones. You'll just have to learn to live with it."

He eased up out of bed, a bit gingerly, not certain whether to expect pain or not. He was sore, a bit, but it was a good kind of sore, like a muscle ache after a good workout. Not the kind of pain to be afraid of, or ashamed of. He walked over to the replicator unit, a spring in his step.

Keying in the command for a turkey sandwich, one of the few edible things the dorm replicators were able to produce, he looked over his shoulder at Bones, caught him watching. He gave a sassy little wiggle of his ass and Bones rolled his eyes. Of course, Bones was well worth ogling too, and as he walked back over to the bed, he looked his fill.

"You look way better this time," Jim said vaguely, sitting next to Bones and taking a huge bite of his sandwich.

"This time?" Bones crooked an eyebrow. Jim chewed and swallowed.

"Yeah, y'know, all sexed-up and stuff. You're much hotter when you've been with me than you were with that other guy."

"Yes, Jim, my choice of partner makes all the difference in how attractive I am."

"Whatever," said Jim. He knew it was true, and that was what mattered. Then, without his volition, the question he'd been avoiding fell out of his mouth. "Who was that guy, anyway?"

"Does it matter?" Bones asked, wary. "Just someone I picked up because I couldn't have who I wanted."

"That'd be me, right?" Jim pressed.

Bones rolled his eyes. "Yes, you egomaniac, that'd be you."

Jim preened. "Were you closing your eyes and pretending he was me?"

"For god's sake, Jim!" was all Bones said, but the burning of his cheeks gave him away.

"That's okay. I'm sure lots of people are settling for second best and pretending they're fucking me. Just not enough of me to go around. And from now on, you're the only one who gets a piece of this. Lucky you."

Bones swatted him. "Yeah, luck's one word for it," he muttered, but Jim could tell he was pleased. He tucked into his sandwich happily.

Bones watched him for a minute, eyes taking in every detail, before he gruffly asked, "You okay, kid?"

Jim's eyes prickled once again, but he gave a blinding grin. "Yeah, Bones, I'm okay." And for maybe the first time in his life, he really, really was.


END




 
 
Where am I?: mah desk
How do I feel?: artisticartistic
What do I hear?: some kinda jazzy-piano-y christmas thing
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
Sky: [star trek aos] karl backseatskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)
Thank you so much, honey! And thank you for the pre-posting encouragement as well. ♥

Glad the Bones-voice and the Jim-bounce worked for you! That last post-sex bit was absolutely the most fun part of this story to write. :D
AQ aka Syredronning: kmc_reboot_hugsyredronning on December 15th, 2009 11:38 pm (UTC)
I loved the first part and then was suddenly very unsure when the healing cock theme came up. But you did a marvelous job of building it up - BONES did a marvelous job, and yeah, Jim would be the kind of guy going all "I want to get fixed right now!" So I really got into the second part too and enjoyed it immensely. Very, very intense. Thank you!
Sky: [star trek aos] kirk back in blackskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 02:36 am (UTC)
Thank you for your lovely comment, my dear! I'm so glad you stuck with it despite your understandable apprehension, and that you felt it was worthwhile in the end. Jim would totally be the "fix it now!" type, and I'm glad it wasn't too OOC for Bones to go along with it, in his own slow & steady way. :)

Thanks again for the wonderful feedback! It's been so long since I've written that I was really nervous about posting this.
kharma2815kharma2815 on December 16th, 2009 12:30 am (UTC)
Oh my! *fans self and resists the urge to hug both of them*
Sky: [star trek aos] karl hand to foreheadskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 02:37 am (UTC)
Why resist? *hugs both of them and you, too*

btw, I got your package, and I will write you a proper thank you, but for now let me just say you are a DOLL. Everything is absolutely adorable. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful friend.
Duty & Devotionroseandheather on December 16th, 2009 01:11 am (UTC)
This has just become my definitively awesome K/Mc MCoH fic EVER in the history of EVERYTHING. I know it's not psychologically sound, except somehow, here, it is.

Yes. I love it. *snuggles*
Sky: [star trek aos] karl thumbskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 02:40 am (UTC)
Wow, thank you so much for the incredibly kind comment! You've totally made my whole night. :D

I know it's not psychologically sound, except somehow, here, it is.

I know just what you mean - there are so many fics I feel like that about. I figure, what's the purpose of fanfic if not to break our beloved characters so we can have them put each other back together, whether it would happen that way IRL or not? :) I'm totally glad my fic worked for you that way, and didn't seem wildly OOC.

Yay for fic-love and snuggles! *happy dance*
secretsolitaire: nghsecretsolitaire on December 16th, 2009 01:24 am (UTC)
I'm with syredronning -- I had a few moments of hesitation in the middle of this, but I should have known to trust Bones. ;-) Gah, the way he took care of Jim had me melting into my keyboard. All the pet names and sweet talking? Nnnnnngh.
Sky: [star trek aos] karl urban braceletskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 02:43 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for your comment, and for sticking with the story through the hesitation. Yes, Bones can indeed be trusted to do the comfort part of h/c right. :D

I have such a comfort kink, and such a talking kink, so Bones in this was totally fun to write.

Thanks again for the lovely fb, hon! :)
lisamariedavislisamariedavis on December 16th, 2009 03:45 am (UTC)
OMG! That was wonderful.
Sky: [star trek aos] karl urban lens flareskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 05:27 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! :D
Laura: onlyBfudgieko on December 16th, 2009 04:30 am (UTC)
I loved the work you so obviously put into the back story, and Jim's confession to Bones about Tarsus and his personal story. It was so well done, and the slow sex was hot, and moving, and just "guh".

Thanks so much for sharing this!
Sky: [star trek aos] chris pine sepiaskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 05:55 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! I truly appreciate it.

I'm so glad the backstory worked for you, and the Tarsus confession. It's hard to strike the right tone - hurty enough for the h/c aspect, but not SO grim that the comfort that follows feels cheap and hollow. If that makes sense. :p

The slow sex took forever to write, and I kept whining to people about it. I'm very very happy that it worked out in the end!

Anyway, thanks again for such lovely feedback. :)
ivorysilkivorysilk on December 16th, 2009 05:09 am (UTC)
This was great--thank you. Except now I want a sequel!
Sky: [star trek aos] karl backseatskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 05:57 am (UTC)
Hee! Thank you! *curtseys* I am actually already at work on another Kirk/Bones, but it's another first-time fic, not a sequel. Dunno what's up with that; guess I haven't quite exorcised my need for Kirk/Bones UST and first-times yet. :p

btw, I absolutely adore your icon. It's beautiful.
(no subject) - ivorysilk on December 18th, 2009 06:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 19th, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ivorysilk on December 18th, 2009 06:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 19th, 2009 01:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ivorysilk on December 19th, 2009 03:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 19th, 2009 03:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ivorysilk on December 19th, 2009 04:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 19th, 2009 05:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ivorysilk on December 19th, 2009 05:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 19th, 2009 06:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
an asphyxiating miasma of hipness: the shathilsongirl on December 16th, 2009 06:23 am (UTC)
UNF @ Bones sweet!dirty talk.
Sky: [star trek aos] kirk back in blackskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 06:43 am (UTC)
Yay for UNF! I love getting UNFs. :D
Tour Guide Barbie: sweetheartskinderjedi on December 16th, 2009 06:57 am (UTC)
This was wonderful. I love Bones' sweet dirty talking. *hugs them both*
Sky: [star trek aos] karl urban crotch grab!skyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 07:14 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed. I have such a sweet-dirty talk kink, so that part was fun to write. :)
extrabitterextrabitter on December 16th, 2009 07:35 am (UTC)
During part 2 I found myself wondering whether Jim would be able to go through with what he said he wanted, which shows a good job laying them both out and keeping the m in character and in line with your plot. (They didn't exactly fit with the movie toward the end but they did in the middle and that was fine with me.)

I enjoyed the read, did't take itself too seriously but it wasn't crack. Nicely balance!
Sky: [star trek aos] karl hand to foreheadskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 03:07 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for the fb! I'm glad there was a bit of suspense as to whether Jim could follow through.

Yeah, towards the end it's a bit AU-ish (and I'm totally hand-waving Gaila away) but ah well. I'm in the process of writing another first-time fic that I think will be closer to my personal canon of their first time. This one was... almost a warm-up, to get back into writing again, try these characters out, and as I said in the notes, to totally indulge my own kinks. :)

Thanks again for the comment!
tanzanick: McCoytanzanick on December 16th, 2009 09:59 am (UTC)
I love this!

Bones is so incredibly patient and poor Jim!!
Sky: [star trek aos] karl thumbskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed. :) Jim is really fun to break, especially with Bones to put him back together.
deceptivechasm on December 16th, 2009 02:09 pm (UTC)
Holy cow! Not trying to be crude, but that was an awesome love scene. That is how porn is supposed to be written--loving, and just perfect!

It was very sweet. And Bones helping Jim overcome a little bit of his past was just awesome. It doesn't fix everything because nothing will, but they are on their way to a good start. I personally think that you got their characterization down really well.

-huggles you-

Awesome story. I really, really enjoyed it.
Sky: [star trek aos] karl urban braceletskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 03:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for your comment, I'm all giddy now! :D

You weren't crude at all - in fact you were quite delicate. Unlike the story itself. :p But yes, I like sweet, tender sex scenes so I'm glad it worked for you.

I totally agree that this doesn't fix everything, but we all know that Bones will stick with Jim through the ups and downs. Thank you so much for saying I got the characterization! That's the most important thing to me, so it always means a lot to hear I got it right.

*huggles back*

Thanks, honey! I'm so glad that you enjoyed. :)
ennui_blue_lite: Star Trek Nu! - Disease and Dangerennui_blue_lite on December 16th, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC)
You POSTED it! *hugs*

I so enjoyed being a part of the writing process for this fic. Mid morning speed writing over chat with a cup of coffee at my side – I’ve never written a fic like that before, and even thought I never did finish mine, it helped me greatly in my writing. And, obviously, it helped you too, because this is fabulous!

If there’s one area where you blow everyone out of the water, it’s voice. You CAPTURED Bones here. There’s his usual grumpiness and short fuse that everyone writes, but under that, is a man who is bone (*punface*) tired about having to restart his life. It may not be your focus, but you captured that tiredness in little ways, like in the shuttle test, where it’s so clear that he’s just given up. You also showed us just how patient and concerned he can be. The scene – well, the epic porn centerpiece – where Bones is taking everything slow and easy, until Jim (and us the readers) are about undone by it is perfect. Bones, to me, is a character who works with slow precision, surgical perfection, when the moment calls for it. I honestly believed he could have teased Jim along forever.

And Jim! Poor Jim. First off, your description of Tarsus was chilling – stacks of bodies, swollen bellies, *shudder*. And Jim’s only means of escaping, of living: “I wanted to live, goddammit. I just wanted to live.” That, to me, is the most tragic line in the fic. It fully speaks of the cost of Jim’s survival.

I think it’s been well established in canon and fandom that Jim’s massive ego is simply a cloak for his dysfunction and low self esteem. Watching him in the Tarsus scene is like watching him remove that cloak and undress for Bones – like he’s standing there naked. It’s tragic and it’s trusting and it’s angsty and I love it.

And, now, the porn. Or, in conclusion, cock.

I think I speak for all of us melted fangirls in this puddle on the ground here when I say it was HOT. Incredibly so. Yes, the sweet-dirty talk was just lovely, but what totally got to me was the way that Bones asked permission to do everything. It put an interesting spin on the power issue – is Bones in control here? Is Jim? Does it matter, so long as the porn continues to be this hot?

I mean, seriously: “Gonna touch you now, gonna touch your hole with my finger. I'm not gonna go inside, though, okay, baby?” What are you trying to do, kill me? Well, it worked. I burst into flames and I’m dead now. Porn killed me.

Really, there are too many buttons here to count: The sweet-dirty talk, the slowness, Jim begging for Bones’ cock, Bones *jerking off on Jim*, marking… even Jim’s little freakout moment was kinda gorgeous in a way, because there are few things hotter than Bones caring for Jim. And Jim wants a sandwich after, which is maybe the most ‘Jim’ thing I have ever read in a fic! And…well, before this review ends up longer than the fic, let’s just say that that was some EPIC porn.

Thank you for writing this – thank you for involving me, thank you for pushing me to write again, and thank you for being my best friend. *hugs* I had a wonderful time.

And now we need a fic where Bones calls Jim “Captain Sugar” on the Kobayashi Maru.
Sky: [fry & laurie] i love youskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
Comment-gasm! Epic fb deserves epic response, but I have to leave in a few mins for a doctor's appointment, so I'll just say THANK YOU for now and give a proper response when I have more time.

*hugs and cuddles my BFF*
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on December 17th, 2009 12:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
SamuelJamessamueljames on December 16th, 2009 04:12 pm (UTC)
This is a brilliant fic. I was so glad Bones hesitated because sex is not the greatest idea after Jim's confession. To have Bones hesitate and Jim explain made it more believable for me that Jim wants to retake control of his life.

The few moments of fear from Jim and Bones' always asking permission were great too because Jim's first time could never have been perfect and you tackled that really well. Bones taking care of Jim was brilliant and I loved him showing Jim that sex can be emotional and he doesn't need to block out his emotions.

Basically, really well done. Definitely bookmarking.
Sky: [star trek aos] karl urban lens flareskyblue_reverie on December 16th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm so very pleased that you enjoyed it.

Bones' refusal was kind of fun to write. It just seemed so very him:

Bones: I'll do anything, I swear!
Jim: [makes request]
Bones: HELL NO!

Hee. Neither of them would see that as lying, or backing out of a promise, just Bones' usual taking care of Jim when he's too reckless. At least, that's how I envisioned it.

I'm really happy that you found the explanation from Jim believable, because I thought it was important that Jim be the motivating force behind all of this, and I could see him pushing the issue, not being willing to listen to reason, and Bones giving in because, well, he can't really say no to Jim, even when he should. But I also think it's true that for any kind of partnership to work, there has to be some level of equality, and even though Bones was the one taking care of Jim, Jim was the one insisting that he be allowed to make his own decisions about sex. Umm, sorry, that came out long and rambly, but hopefully you know what I mean.

The fear and asking permission were sort of nervewracking but also fun to write. I absolutely love playing with power dynamics - power and control dynamics is really my ultimate kink. And I do like writing sex that isn't perfect. Sweet and tender, yes, but not perfect. :)

Sorry for the tl;dr response, but anyway thank you so much for reading and commenting, and I'm so flattered you're bookmarking!

edited b/c omg I forgot to use an appropriate icon!

Edited at 2009-12-16 05:19 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - samueljames on December 16th, 2009 05:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)