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13 October 2007 @ 05:02 am
State of the Sky  
Hello, my darlings! I am soooooo sooooo sorry that it's been so long since I've posted. I kinda dropped out of sight, and I really apologize for that. I'm not sure how much I'll be around in the near future, for reasons I'll get into below, but I wanted to at least let you all know that I am still alive, and doing fine (better than fine, actually).

As some of you know, right around the time that my fic production precipitously dropped off, I started taking anti-depressants. I had always heard that anti-d's can cause a drop in creative output, but I somehow didn't think it would happen to me. Heh. Well, I can now personally vouch for that effect. It's not, I don't think, that it has somehow robbed me of whatever creative talent I had, it's just that the insane urge to write 24 hours a day is gone, because, well, I'm happily busy doing other stuff (plus the hideous insomnia that fuelled many of my writing sprees is gone too). I've gotten back into hobbies I used to love but had abandoned (and even developed new ones, like - ZOMG - football of all things - watching it, not playing, as I haven't gone completely around the bend), been spending oodles of time with friends and family, renting old movies, moving to a much nicer place & decorating it, actually enjoying my job and, y'know, doing it rather than spending every moment at work writing fic or sneaking onto LJ... you get the idea.

I know for some people, it's a terrible choice between their creativity or their happiness. For me, much as I miss writing fic, there is no question. I never, ever want to feel again the way I felt before I started taking the meds. I think I was sort of the proverbial frog in the pot - y'know, where the water gets hotter and hotter so he doesn't notice? My depression had gotten worse and worse over the years but it was so gradual that I didn't even notice until I became practically nonfunctional. Now it's like a fog has lifted (yes, the cliched metaphors continue, deal with it :p) and I am genuinely, truly happy most of the time. It has been a revelation - that life can be this good.

I very much hope that I manage to find some sort of balance - that I can both be a creative, productive writer and LJ-er, and still be happy and medicated. If any of you out there have gone through this transition, I would really love to hear about it, either here in a comment, or if you prefer, a private email to skyblue_reverie at comcast dot net. Or conversely, if any of you want to ask me any questions about my experiences with depression and medication, I'm happy to share.

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that I'm alive, enjoying life for the first time in a while, and that has, hopefully temporarily, put a stop to a lot of my online activities. I haven't completely decided, but I doubt I'll do yuletide this year. Much as I love it, and I loved doing it last year, I'm just not sure that I have the... I dunno, urge, or oomph, or mojo, or whatever, to complete a story on a deadline, and I'm not at a point where I really want to put that kind of pressure on myself. But then, who knows, maybe I'll change my mind before the deadline (Oct. 18, for those who are interested). I haven't written any stories in months, but I do have some unfinished fics from the period B.P. (Before Prozac) so maybe I'll pull one of those out and give it a look one of these days.

I've been an absolutely wretched correspondent lately, so if I owe you an email please don't think I've forgotten about you. I think about all of my LJ friends often, and hope you're doing well, and I promise I will eventually write to you if I owe you an email. wemblee, keep trying to call me, because I really am around and I'd love to chat, and rivers_bend, call me, babe - we need to get together soonest!

Well, I think that's about all from me for now. I've skimmed my f-list going back a month or so but there's no hope I'll catch up on everything I've missed, so please feel free to drop me a line if you ever want to say hi or if there's something on LJ or elsewhere in fandom that I should see.

I miss you guys, and I hope that someday very soon I'm back around here more. I really do think about you all often.
How do I feel?: peacefulpeaceful
What do I hear?: Joan Osborne - What You Are
Gaffsie: Shiny!gaffsie on October 13th, 2007 02:05 pm (UTC)
If the choice is between productivity or happiness, it's not really a choice at all. I'm glad that you've found meaning in your life again. :) Good luck with your new apartment, your new hobbies and, well, everything!
Sky: [stephen] top hatskyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:00 pm (UTC)
Awww, thank you so much, my dear. I hope that pretty soon I can manage to be around on LJ in addition to still being happy and involved in my RL stuff. We shall see! Anyway, thanks again for your lovely supportive comment. *hugs*
Fluffy: house!smileflufshepherd on October 13th, 2007 02:07 pm (UTC)
I'm so happy to hear how great things are going for you! I was dreading that your absence was due to things getting much worse, so I'm so glad that's not the case.

As somebody who fully believes in the importance of happiness, I completely support your choice of it over LJ. I'm very happy for you!

Now that I know things are going well for you, I might just send you your b-day pressie by e-mail one of these days. It just needs its pre-presentation touch-ups, then it'll be right off to you.


Hey, also, have you been watching the new House series?
Sky: [fry & laurie] legsskyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:06 pm (UTC)
Hiya hon! You're definitely one whom I've been thinking about, and I know I owe you an email. I'm so sorry to have disappeared on you.

Yep, I think if the choice is LJ or happiness, I have to go with happiness, but I really want to have my (cup)cake and eat it too, so I hope that soon I can manage both. Thanks for being so supportive of my situation. *hugs*

Ooooooooh, prezzie!!! YESPLZ! *iz greedy* :D Take your time, and I'll eagerly look forward to receiving that!

Yes, I've been watching the new House season and I really like it! I haven't been reading any of the reactions on LJ, which I think is actually good, because I hear that it hasn't been positive, and I'm glad I can just enjoy it without hearing why it sucks. ;) Not that it's jaw-dropping, amazingly good television or anything, but it's SO much better than the train wreck that was last season that I am really just enjoying it again. It's amusing and the POTW cases have been interesting and I actually really like the whole audition thing that House is doing for his new team. What do you think?
(no subject) - jestana on October 14th, 2007 03:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - flufshepherd on October 14th, 2007 03:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
silksievesilksieve on October 13th, 2007 02:43 pm (UTC)
Hello! So good to hear from you--and so glad for you! I'm happy that you're happy--I think it's great that you've been able to overcome depression and really get out there and enjoy life, especially with your family and friends.

Best wishes!
Sky: [j&w] bertie smile animatedskyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the support from you and all of my other LJ buddies. I hope to be around more once I get over the first flush of newfound investment in my RL. Balance is a good thing, so hopefully I can find some balance between OL and RL!
ennui_blue_lite: Tony/control - T/Cennui_blue_lite on October 13th, 2007 03:23 pm (UTC)
Hi there, sweetheart.

*Smooches you* I am SO happy that you're feeling better, babe - you deserve the utmost happiness, and if the cost is the loss of some really fantastic fic, well, we're just going to have to lose some fic! Take care of yourself - it's lightyears more important, to you, to me, and I'm sure to everyone else on LJ.

Football? Hee! Cool! One year I'll have to get you to come down to Texas during the big Aggie/Longhorn faceoff, and you can see the insanity that is Texas collage football fans. My sister might even be able to help us get tickets to a game.

I wont be doing LJ either. I've finally put my photoshop to the use I wanted it for, and I'm learninig digital coloring. I'm addicted now. It's all over. I'll post something as soon as I get something new to post (all I've done so far are some practice pictures, and a colored version of that Troika picture I posted a while back).

Much love to you hon. I hope you continue to do well and, oh, EW! REMY DROOLED ON MY KEYBOARD! BAD CAT! Ahem. Anyway, love you, and I'll call you tonight, after I get done celebrating my own good news.

Mwah and hugs.
ennui_blue_liteennui_blue_lite on October 13th, 2007 03:24 pm (UTC)
Er...that's, I wont be doing YULETIDE either. I'm still on LJ.
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Jestana: J&W: Joosterjestana on October 13th, 2007 04:10 pm (UTC)
What ho! I'm glad to hear that you're alive and actually happy. *sincere* I'd rather you be happy than productive myself. Anyway, I posted a couple Jeeves and Wooster fics that you might like: Mr Wooster's Bad Back and Mr Wooster & the Sick Valet. *waves* See you around!
Sky: [j&w] jw ampersandskyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:19 pm (UTC)
Hello, m'dear! Thank you so much for the supportive words. It really does mean a lot. Oooh, new J/W fics! I'll have to check those out - they sound nice and hurt-comforty, one of my favorite fic flavors! :D
(no subject) - jestana on October 14th, 2007 03:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
jadedgothchild: black and white smokingjadedgothchild on October 13th, 2007 05:33 pm (UTC)
Hey! Welcome back! It's great to hear that you're feeling better.

It's weird, but there are only certain phases of depression in which I write. If I'm happy, I might write a little. Getting depressed, not at all (since it's all worthless and pointless and I should focus on other things), pretty depressed and I write a fair bit, and totally depressed- don't write at all.

For me, it's not the pills that mark the change, although that may have something to do with it, but the emotional state that I'm in. The kind of stuff I like to write, and the way I like to write it, doesn't really work with things any other way. That said, i haven't written anything in longer than you have- I was rp'ing every day for about a year, and it totally sucked the will to write out of me, particularly toward the end, where I wasn't enjoying it. I have so much more time now, but I'm still recovering from the overdose, I think.

I was just wondering about you the other day, thinking 'goodness, I haven't seen skyblue or msliz around in forever, what's with all the awesomeness dropping off the face of the earth?' and lo, my wonderings have been answered. *g*

In conclusion, very glad to hear that you're okay, and feeling good. No one is going to judge you for choosing mental health over stories, even if they're really good. We all do it at some point. Besides, writing is first and foremost personal, and if you're not getting a personal buzz out of it, or some kind of gratification (like something to do when you just can't sleep) then it's time to take a break.

Stay happy!
Sky: [fry & laurie] blueskyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:30 pm (UTC)
Hello there hon! Thanks so much for the welcome back. :)

Oh, I totally agree that there are only certain phases of depression that are conducive to writing. Before the meds (and of course even still now) there were ups and downs and if I was super super depressed, I basically just stayed in bed all the time and didn't write or LJ anyway. If I was only a little depressed, I had enough energy (and a burning desire) to write, and no interest in being engaged in my RL. With the meds, I'm more involved in my RL stuff and have energy for that, so at the moment I think I'm kind of overcompensating in that direction since I've neglected it for so long. I am really really hoping that the urge to write comes back soon even in my newfound happy state so that I can find a good balance between OL life and RL and have both. I totally agree with you that fic writing is supposed to be personally rewarding and if it's not, it's definitely time to take a break. I hope that your muse comes back too, my dear - I miss your stories, but trust me, I understand the writing hiatus thing! :D

*hugs* Thanks again, and I hope you're staying happy too.
tourmaline1973 on October 13th, 2007 07:12 pm (UTC)
Glad to hear you're feeling better *hugs*

Depression is foul and nasty, but it can be beaten *points to self* Let's toast ourselves with Prozac :)
Sky: [j&w] tie heartsskyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:32 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you so much, m'dear! *hugs*

I'll definitely toast to that! *raises Prozac* Go us! :D
silsbee329 on October 13th, 2007 08:30 pm (UTC)

I'm glad to hear from you, and even more glad that you're doing so well. Keep going with the happy! (It feels good, doesn't it?) :)

*huge hug*
Sky: [j&w] jeeves blue nameskyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:37 pm (UTC)
Hello there! Thanks so much for the kind words. :) Happy feels very very good indeed. Hope you're doing well too, hon. *huge hugs back*
Le Chat Noirchatastic on October 14th, 2007 03:28 am (UTC)
Brilliant to "see" you abouts!

If it's all right, I'll email you regarding your experience with meds.

I heartily cheer on any writings in the way of Jeeves and Wooster! Your work is sublime.

Sky: [j&w] jeeves nameskyblue_reverie on October 14th, 2007 02:40 pm (UTC)
Aww, thanks so much, hon! I got your emails and I'll respond soon. :) I really hope my Jeeves-muse comes back soon - I've got a fic that's prolly about 3/4 done that I just haven't been able to finish up for AGES and I'd love to be able to post it! Hee, flattery is prolly the best way to inspire me to write again, so thanks for that! :p
(Deleted comment)
Sky: [stephen] innocentskyblue_reverie on October 15th, 2007 02:28 pm (UTC)
Aww, hon, thanks so much both for the compliments about my writing and for the support for my situation. :D I love your icon, btw! So adorable.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - skyblue_reverie on October 18th, 2007 01:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
lyrstzha: Shiny Kaylee: annasiconnaslyrstzha on October 15th, 2007 08:48 am (UTC)
I'm sorry not to see you around as much, but I'm glad to hear that's it's for such a happy reason. It's good that you're doing so well, and I'm happy for you!
Sky: [firefly] Jayne hatskyblue_reverie on October 15th, 2007 02:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I've missed being around here, even though I'm enjoying RL stuff, so I have a feeling I'll be back around before too long. Hope you're doing well too, m'dear.
fernum on October 17th, 2007 07:41 pm (UTC)
Heya Sky,
Good to hear from you again m'dear!. I know exactly what you mean. Everything that you wrote above applied to me a few years ago before I started my own meds which I now take daily and don't ever regret. I'm so pleased that things are better for you now and it'll only get better in the future,

Your tattooed bud,
Sky: [stephen] winkskyblue_reverie on October 18th, 2007 01:18 am (UTC)
Heya buddy! Aww, thanks for the words of support. I'm sorry that you went through this too, but I'm so glad to hear that things worked out well for you. Better living through chemistry! :D

Your intensely jealous (of your meeting with Stephen) friend,
Sky ;)
pbwhisperer on April 6th, 2008 06:18 am (UTC)
Nothing but blue skies
from now on! It is wonderful to hear your personal story of your fight against depression, so inspiring. Your fiction was much enjoyed, but at what price, using this obsession to keep you from experiencing the joys and sorrows, the ups and downs of real life fully lived. Now life imitates art, and you are creating and fully living out your own adventures. Bravo! Wishing you a very happy birthday coming up, and a happy, healthy and fulfilling year ahead.
Skyskyblue_reverie on April 8th, 2008 12:47 am (UTC)
Re: Nothing but blue skies
Wow, thank you so much for your words of support. It really means a ton to me. I haven't written a word of fic in months, but I've missed it and hope to get back to it someday. I also hope to be more active on LJ, but I fear I'm like a drug addict - it's hard for me to stop at a reasonable amount! Anyway, I'm still doing great, continuing to be happy and make strides in my personal life (although of course there are ups and downs). Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I hope you are doing well also and that you are enjoying life's joys and sorrows fully. Take care, hon!